My suggestion is that she should approach the people who make Nair and ask to be their spokesperson. The commercial could go something like this:
Spokesperson: "Are you tired of being shot because your neighbor thinks you're a monkey? Me too. That's why I use Nair. And now I buy my fruit from the grocery store. That probably helps too."
I'm going to closely follow this case. If the shooter gets acquitted I plan to use the monkey defense if I ever get arrested for a similar crime. Obviously I would only need that defense if I shoot an unarmed citizen, but frankly the only thing stopping me now is the lack of a good alibi. This monkey thing could be just the ticket.
One problem with using the monkey alibi in a California suburb is that we don't have enough actual monkeys to make the story seem plausible. So in phase one of this plan I will need to breed monkeys in my garage and release them until some sort of critical monkey mass has been achieved. Then I'll never have to listen to someone talk on a cell phone during a movie again. I'll tell the arresting officers "I thought it was a monkey."
But with my luck there is probably some sort of law against shooting monkeys in crowded movie theaters anyway, no matter how much they deserve it. I should probably do more research.
It probably helps that the staff realizes that getting another job these days is a dicey proposition, and they all want to make sure the restaurant stays in business. When someone doesn't pull their weight, the staff weeds them out on their own, either directly or indirectly.
It's a fascinating exercise. Obviously it only works if you have the right people in key positions. But so far, so good.
Now you have flipped it from being the idiot who can't remember a new person for a few weeks into a person who has such intense memory for detail that any deviation is the same as a mask.
Yes, I've used that method often. I can't say it works every time, but it sure beats my old method of arguing that I must look like some other person and I just arrived in town an hour ago.
Every once in a while I get a check for some miscellaneous activity of life. It's usually a rebate or refund, or a friend paying up for some group activity I organized. And every time it makes me angry because I have to take that stupid check to the bank and deposit it. It feels so 1990s.
I am frankly amazed that checks still exist. And you know how happy you are when standing in line and the person in front of you whips out a check.
I will have limited time to blog for a few weeks, so today I'm just wondering what else you encounter in your daily life that seems like it should have gone the way of buggy whips ten years ago.
- Solar panels
- Clay roof with lighter colors for best reflective properties
- Thermal barrier in roof
- Windows minimized and shaded on the hot West side
- Lots of thermal mass inside house
- Argon filled windows
- Chimney effect airflow (warmer air goes up and out)
- AC unit on the shady side of the house
- Efficient lighting
- Energy Star appliances
- Heat and AC ducts inside the house envelope
The list goes on. Our goal was to get our use of AC use down to a few days per summer. This design should get us there. (For comparison, my current office is in a townhouse that is only 5-years old and I have to run the AC full-blast for about 9 months a year.)
As far as the living spaces, we did some interesting things there too. We built a small cat's bathroom for the litter boxes. And we have a Christmas tree storage closet just off the room where the tree will be displayed in December. Now I just need to talk my wife into using an artificial tree and we're all set.
We don't have a fancy foyer inside the house. That would be a waste to heat and cool. No one lives in a foyer. Instead we have a turret around the front door, so the initial visual appeal comes before you enter the conditioned part of the house.
We didn't want a formal dining room that only gets used twice a year. Our dining area will be relatively informal and just off the kitchen, serving as both the everyday table and where we entertain. I don't want any visitors who feel they are too fancy to eat where we eat.
My office will be in the house. I won't be driving to work every day and adding to the carbon overload.
The back yard will be artificial turf. Water is a big issue in California. The newer artificial grasses are impressive.
Those are a few of the features. Maybe someday you'll see the rest on Cribs.