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<title><![CDATA[Comments for entry "Why You Should Vote for Me" at Dilbert.com Blog]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/732]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[Regular thoughts and updates from Dilbert.com]]></description>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Melvin1]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/727187]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[Phantom II: NAILED IT!!!  
That analysis is spot-on.  Absolutely everything in there is priceless.  
I was kinda hoping for a spot on the cabinet, but I admit that Phantom II needs to get first dibs.  
Scott, hire him!

SUPREME COURT:  My only correction.  The Supreme Court should not reflect the whims of the people (can you say &quot;Jim Crow?&quot;); that is also how dictatorships evolve (think Third Reich).  It shouldn't matter how justices feel about issues, as long as they understand that their job is to interpret (not make) laws.  We're supposed to have separation of powers: congress writes laws, presidents sign/veto them, and courts determine whether they've been broken.  Their own opinions on abortion are irrelevant under the law; they're only supposed to interpret what's been written (think C. Everett Koop).  Appointing justices who understand this (and Constitutional limits - e.g. Interstate Commerce Clause) is the best way to shrink government bloat.]]></description>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from emilymhanson]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/706990]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[I would totally vote for you.  You would make a great protest vote.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[SatPMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Phantom II]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/697806]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[Thanks for your kind comment, RavenBlack.  While I'm not in Scott's league, I do occasionally have flashes of slightly-above-mediocre.  Glad you enjoyed my post!]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[FriPMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Phantom II]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/697262]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[OK, I'll go along with the joke.

Since you obviously have virtually no idea how government works, nor how politicians make policy, you need a political advisor.  Since I am equally unqualified, I hereby appoint myself to be your political consultant and advisor.  Of course, since I have about as much chance of being your consultant as you do of actually running for president, I'd say I have the job.  I know that seems contradictory, but you need to be able to talk out of both sides of your mouth to succeed in politics.  Consider this my first bit of advice.

So as your consultant, let me explain some realities of political life and policy to you.  Knowing how things work may help you in your non-quest to become leader of the free world.  I will cover each plank in your platform and give you my worthy advice.  

Definition of Insanity: as you are well aware, different is not necessarily better; it's just different.  That's how we got Carter.  That's how we got Obama.  While it's a totally idiotic proposition (vote for me because I'm not them, ta da), it has worked in the past.  So I'd keep it in.  As a matter of fact, it should be pretty much all you talk about.

Public Debate:  In general, a really good idea.  Remember, more people voted for American Idol than voted for president (true).  However, you have to give the impression of being really, really serious while you're being entertaining. Gravitas is important.  So is having the best hair, so I'd suggest you consider Hair Club for Men.  No offense.  But you need more hair.  

However, nobody likes a know-it-all, so your idea of educating the public versus keeping them ignorant is not the best approach to the campaign. After you win, you can educate them, but if you try to do it too early, you'll get dumped.

Revenge on Congress: You're a little late on this one.  President Obama has already done that by deftly bypassing that troubling old Constitution and acting like Dictator-in-Chief.  Obama's answer is to just ignore them (Congress) and charge on ahead.  Instead of separation of powers, he's brought us Hugo Chavez II.  That's probably your best bet, too.  One man's ideas are always better than either the supreme law of the land or the combined knowledge of 300 million people.  Particularly if the man doing it sounds really, really smart, appears to care deeply about everything on earth's welfare, and has great speechwriters to fill up his teleprompter.  Since you're the smartest man in the world, there's no doubt your benign dictatorship would be in everyone's self-interest, so I'd suggest taking the Obama route.  Just don't tell anyone you're going to do it until after you're elected.  Just like Obama.

Smaller Government:  Good luck with this one.  One of my favorite books on sales posited that there are three major buying motives: fear, self-aggrandizement, and something for nothing.  The first one of those (fear) is what government uses to get you to give up your liberties and freedoms.  An example: If you don't accept a toilet that doesn't have enough water to flush properly, you'll be directly responsible for killing baby harp seals.  And nobody wants to be responsible for that.  

The second buying motive (self-aggrandizement) is what government uses to get elected. Especially Democrats.  They surround themselves with Hollywood celebrities, and then infer that you, too, will be just as cool as Brangelina if you vote for them.  You, being a celebrity already, can just say they'll be as cool as you if they vote for you.  That should work.

The last one (something for nothing) is why you're not going to be able to shrink government.  Too many people depend on it rather than on themselves, and therefore give lip service (but not action) to shrinking government.  I mean, 40 million people are on food stamps.  That's almost four times the number of people considered in poverty in this country.  So good luck with that.  However, it does sound great on the campaign trail, so keep saying it.

Foreign Policy: You aren't going to get away with that excuse (I don't know the secret stuff) because if you become a real candidate, which of course you won't, you will be given an overview of all that secret stuff.  So I'd pick another excuse for that one.  Maybe like John Kerry, you can say, &quot;I was against that war before I was for it,&quot; or vice versa depending on public opinion.  Good luck with that one as well.  I'd drop this one from the platform.

Budget: I guess you haven't heard of the Supercommittee, or maybe you forgot about it.  Default plans don't work, because they're like giving your kids (which you don't have, so just trust me on this) your tenth ultimatum about the same thing (&quot;OK, kids, this time I REALLY mean it!).  

A far better approach is to tell Congress that you'll go on TV nightly and weep uncontrollably over their inability to reach agreement.  That way, you'll get a lot of sympathy and your poll numbers will climb, particularly among women.  And men, too, who even though they'll secretly think you're a wimp, will realize that Lysistrata is just around the corner if they don't vote for you.  You're welcome.

Scandal: Run as a Democrat.  Scandal doesn't matter to them.  Look how Democrats love that impeached, admitted liar and philanderer and disbarred ex-President Clinton.  As a matter of fact, you should go out and admit to all scandals now, whether or not they're true, and then publicly repent.  People feel really good about themselves when they forgive some celebrity they don't know for doing something they'd like to do themselves.  Self-aggrandizement again.  Use it. It works.

Religion: Stay away from this one, if you can.  Atheists aren't popular as presidential candidates, even among atheists.  Something about people being comforted by a candidate who believes that he or she may someday have to answer for his/her actions to the Supreme Creator of the Universe.  They think that a president who has the thought that God might get upset at them will temper some of their baser inclinations.  Atheists, many believe, may have no such compunctions.  Picture this: Citizen Jones reflects on Atheist President Adams.  Jones thinks, &quot;What happens if the First Lady yells at him, and Atheist President Adams, hoping to take her mind off his shortcomings, nukes Bosnia?&quot;  That fear thing again.  My advice: learn how to fake it.  Lots of others have.

War on Drugs: Your position is too libertarian.  You need to do this AFTER you're elected, while saying the exact opposite BEFORE you're elected.  

Look at President Obama again.  Does he want our borders to be secure?  Hell, no.  Does he SAY he wants our borders to be secure?  You bet.  See how easy it is to lie?  Lie: elected.  Truth: defeated.  Any questions?

Supreme Court: You've got this one all wrong.  Sorry, but it's true.  Someone has to have the guts to tell you when you're wrong.  That's why I hired me. 

Here's the truth: it doesn't matter who is on the court. Politicians consider the Constitution to be a quaint document that doesn't really matter any more.  Sort of like your grandmother's opinion of premarital sex.  Besides, how many cases do they really take on?  Roughly 150 per term.  How many new laws and regulations are passed each year?  Hundreds of thousands.  You do the math.  

Moreover, how long does it take for a case to make it to the Supreme Court?  Just this side of forever.  So use the Obama method: just ignore that damned Constitution thingy.  Do what you want.  By the time the court makes a ruling declaring one of your actions unconstitutional, you'll already be building your presidential library. All the Supreme Court really does is put on a show that allows people to pretend that there is some teeny tiny bit of limitations on the federal government's power.  As if. P.T. Barnum comes to mind on that one.

So don't even bother mentioning this in your platform. Waste of breath.

I'm glad to be your appointed-by-me political advisor.  As far as I know, I'm the only political advisor ever who would never vote for the candidate I'm advising.  Nothing personal.  But just know that I'm there for you.  I can't wait until we open our campaign headquarters in Pleasanton.  How about that building across from Stacey's?    

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<pubDate><![CDATA[FriPMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Thominator]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/696364]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[&quot;I'll shine the light of shame on the worst !$%*!$%*!$% in both parties and make them scurry.&quot;

You could start now.

&quot;You'll enjoy watching it.&quot;

Yes we would.

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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from VirginiaCentral]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/693750]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[Dilbert for Presidnet!  You've got my vote!]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[FriAMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from pete22]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/693649]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[I may vote for you if you stop repeating that &quot;definition of insanity&quot; meme. It was never part of any serious definition of insanity and it doesn't even make sense.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[FriAMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from BuddyHounddog]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/691027]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[I see from all that you said in this blog that another reason for me to vote for you is that you are obviously &quot;420-friendly&quot;... Cool, man!

I'm voting for you! But wait... You're not just lying to us like all the others, are you? Doh!]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[ThuPMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Ardent_Eccentric]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/690233]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[And what I mean on foreign  policy, is specific &quot;defence policy&quot;. I'm sure there are quite a few foreign policy matteres you could babble about, to apease your constituency.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[ThuPMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Ardent_Eccentric]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/690070]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[Your foreign policy is on spot... Too bad the average person dosent understand that.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[ThuPMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Querious]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/687064]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[&quot;I'll host televised public debates&quot;

You don't have to be president to do that. I'd watch the show. You could do it as web only if you can't find an interested channel.

[I could do the crappy version now, and it would have the save viewership as this blog. I'd need to be president to do the awesome version that everyone wants to watch. -- Scott]]]></description>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Markman]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/686786]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[Fcuk you Adams!  You're hired!]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[ThuPMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from unlost]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/686310]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[PRICELESS, yet this will all go unheeded.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[ThuAMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from ekihn]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/686285]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[I couldn't vote for someone with no faith and a declared one-term preference.  When you got to such a powerful position the logical thing to do would be to feather Scott's nest every way possible. With no such thing as a greater good to be served why not?  In fact IMHO that's the problem we're having with elected officials.  We should stop worrying about what they say they will do in office and start evaluate whether they are honest, dedicated, public servants.  They should have to demonstrate a life of public service before becoming electable.]]></description>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Father]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/686019]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[You say: &quot;My current job ... pays better.&quot;   But you forget, being President is like being a stripper in that although they may work for minimum wage every night they go home with $1000 in cash. Presidents' income is mostly under the table and tax free.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[ThuAMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from sideshow]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/685503]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[How do you know your foreign policy argument (...&quot;shut up, you don't know the secrets&quot;...) doesn't apply equally to domestic affairs?  

If you did apply that argument to domestic affairs don't you think you'd come across as some kind of conspiracy theorist?

Or maybe you could drop all that CIA/Pentagon/Area51 nonsense and accept that the public can actually have valid views on foreign policy...]]></description>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from GLK]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/685319]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[Scott, Am I drinking too much Nyquil because I'd swear it was you that used to advocate voting as a complete waste of time?]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[ThuAMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from zakblue]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/684843]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[So you've already decided that the government needs to be cut in half? 

What's the rationale?]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[ThuAMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from grgeil]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/681407]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[Are you sure you are truly a non-believer who will not &quot;try to convert you to my belief system because I don't have one&quot;?  Most (left wing) non-believers I know are actually very religious - they are consumed with guilt about their sinful lifestyles, they furiously try to evangelize carbon sinners, they seek to legislate morality (smoking, trans-fats, etc), they preach apocalypse (global warming and all the other prophesies of doom highlighted by Malthus, Ehrlich, etc) and they insist on using tax dollars to build their temples of righteousness (trains - commuter and high-speed.)]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[WedPMCSTE_Rthth]]></pubDate>
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<title><![CDATA[Comment  from Raskolnikov]]></title>
<link><![CDATA[http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/680258]]></link>
<description><![CDATA[What's the worst that could happen?  

We could be looking at the Secret Service's ultimate challenge -- a campaign between a hellbound Mormon and a hellbound &quot;secret Muslim&quot;.  Every anarchist Christian fundamentalist between Idaho and Florida could be topping off their U-Hauls with diesel fuel and fertilizer for this campaign.  Every earthquake, hurricane and tornado this summer could be blamed on these candidates.  Jerry Fallwell's head is being stuffed with dynamite as we speak.

If Obama destroys Romney in the debates, is elected and then shortly thereafter assassinated -- we are left with Joe Biden.  Who would Joe Biden look to for advice if he was Prez?  Is it too late to insinuate Bill Clinton into that role?  Is Joe Biden's hair so bad that he would be an ineffective leader?  Are we screwed for another 4 years?

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