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I assume that most of you have heard about the so-called Ass Bomber. He was a terrorist who tried to kill a Saudi Deputy Interior Minister by putting a bomb up his ass and detonating it when they met. Unfortunately for the terrorist, the bomb was only big enough to kill the Ass Bomber himself.

http://www.stratfor.com/weekly/20090902_aqap_paradigm_shifts_and_lessons_learned

This raises many interesting questions. At the top of my list: Why did the Ass Bomber think that killing the Deputy Interior Minister was worth shoving a bomb up his own ass? Sure, I could see if it was the Interior Minister himself, but the deputy?

I think Saudi Arabia played this wrong. Instead of telling the state controlled media that the ASSassination attempt failed, they should have reported that the Deputy Interior Minister was dead, and so was everyone else in the building. And they should have said there was no way to stop this sort of brilliant attack. Within weeks, every member of Al Qaeada would have shoved a too-small bomb up his ass and detonated it in a market or mosque. The innocent bystanders would be startled and perhaps a little bit slimed, but otherwise unhurt. Terrorism would have a quick and amusing conclusion.

The other thing I wonder is whether the original Ass Bomber was the victim of a practical joke. I can imagine that conversation:

Ass Bomber: I wish I had an evil scheme to kill someone who is marginally important.

Joker: Maybe you could shove a bomb up your ass and surrender to the authorities.

Ass Bomber: Would that work?

Joker: Absolutely. It's the best idea ever.

Ass Bomber: How would I get a bomb up there? It's a little tight.

Joker: I know a guy they call Large Bruce. I think he can help you out. It might take a few weeks of continuous practice.

Ass Bomber: I don't now if I could do that.

Joker: Because you hate Allah or what?

 

 
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0 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 6, 2009
It is far more sinister. Result of this will be that all travellers will have ther cavities searched for bombs. This will result in a total breakdown of international travel because more and more aiport security will quit. Globalization will grind to a halt!
 
 
Oct 6, 2009
I pondered just how difficult it would be to hold that in and pretend to be comfortable until I realized: it doesn't ever HAVE to come out.
 
 
Oct 6, 2009
Hey, that one worked today.

Given that the thing must have been remotely detonated, presumably customs could avoid searching everyone by asking them to walk through a strong room, where they play a full spectrum of radio signals. As long as the room is 'wipe clean'.
 
 
Oct 6, 2009
From the article you linked to, some un-intentional humour:

"Having wires protruding from the bomber’s body would be a sure giveaway"
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 5, 2009
fantASStic!
 
 
Oct 5, 2009
Raskolnikov. That was a very great elaboration on the implications of this comic. You and malignor are being recognized here tonight... By me!
 
 
Oct 5, 2009
Golden puns malignor!
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 5, 2009
well, if he turned around and tied his shoe it could have worked. this was the x-1. and i bet it scared the hell out of a lot of people. how can you find them.
 
 
Oct 5, 2009
I had to get an account and sign in just so I could tell you that this was a very funny comic.
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 5, 2009
This is such a good one, Scott! I have to respond twice:

What were the bomber's last words?

"Must have been something I ate....."
 
 
+5 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 5, 2009
Somewhere an Al Qaeda leader is watching the news and slapping himself on the forehead yelling:

"No, no, no, you stupid idiot! I said a GLASS bomb!"

 
 
+5 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 5, 2009
I knew that the terriost would get it in the end.
 
 
+21 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 5, 2009
Great, now the Saudis have an A-bomb.

I'm surpirsed no ones used the obvious pun yet... I'm talking about weapons of A$$ destruciton.
 
 
Oct 5, 2009
Okay, obviously an engineering study (we called them model zero) and now they'll up the explosives by 50% and see what other damage they can inflict. Maybe they'll test in-house this time (watch out for gas!)
 
 
Oct 5, 2009
Despite all the jokes, you DO have to be impressed with their intestinal fortitude...
 
 
Oct 5, 2009
I assume that the reports of the anal bomb are just Israeli propaganda. Most extreme Islamists are WAY too homophobic to even considering shoving anything up their asses for any reason.
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 5, 2009
I always wondered what they did at the Al Queda Suppository Research Center.
 
 
Oct 5, 2009
why is it always bruce?
 
 
Oct 5, 2009
All the bad jokes here deserve pun-ishment.

- Well, if I ever need to blow someone up, I now know who I can colon.
- I bet that bomber feels like an a55 now.
- That plan was so smart, you'd think it came from another planet, like Uranus or sumthin'.
- Perhaps we should have a drink to toast the Deputy's survival... bottoms up!
- Now *that's* what you call a crappy way to go.
- For the bomber, the explosion was fatal. For the deputy... just fecal.
- The bomber must have only performed preparations A through G, because he was obviously in need of preparation H.
- There are better ways to go about trying to assassinate someone, I suppose... eh, Tory?
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 5, 2009
clbuttic!
 
 
 
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