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I wonder if you could build an app that would help husbands pretend to be thoughtful and caring. For example, one feature might automatically start every text message to your wife with "I'm sorry, honey ..."

You might think an apology is only necessary when you've done something wrong. That's how bad husbands think. Good husbands understand that there are only two possible states:

1.       Already in trouble.

2.       Blundering into a trap.

Let's say your wife texts you and asks you to pick up milk on the way home from work. You assume you have done nothing wrong and therefore, logically, an apology is unnecessary. Moreover, you think your wife should be thanking you for running this errand. But watch how the "I'm sorry honey" at the beginning of your text response alerts you to the trap and steers you toward the illusion of husbandly thoughtfulness.

Your Text Response: "I'm sorry, honey. . .  I should have noticed this morning that we were low on milk."

Or...

You: "I'm sorry, honey, but I can't remember which kind of milk we use even though I have seen it ten thousand times."

Without the "I'm sorry, honey" prompt you might inadvertently text your actual thoughts. And that might go something like this:

You: "Maybe you can do that tomorrow when you get the other groceries. The kids' bones won't dissolve overnight."

The Better Husband App could also include a timer to remind you when it's time to compliment your wife. The app could even suggest clever ways to word your compliments so you don't fall into a trap such as this one.

You: "You look sensational today, honey."

Wife: "Today?"

A smarter compliment is the indirect method. You embed your compliment in what seems to be an entirely different topic. Example:

You: "Why do all of your girlfriends look so much older than you? Is it because they don't know how to work out?"

What other features should the Better Husband App have?

 
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Feb 24, 2011
There is an app out there already called "Girlfriend Keeper" which is very similar...
http://www.girlfriendapp.com/
 
 
Feb 24, 2011
I failed to recognise a trap yesterday after work - I was about to walk out the door to tennis practice (which I do every Wed) when the battery died in our portable vacuum (our son was cleaning up crumbs from dinner). being a man (& worse yet, having been an ENGINEERING major) I assumed the appropriate response to this was to plug it into the charger, wait a few hours & finish cleaning later (or alternatively get the "real" vacuum or dustpan/brush) - WRONG!!! apparently the CORRECT response was to assume the unit was broken and produce the receipt on demand so it could be exchanged/replaced before Lowe's closed that night in case the charging was unsuccessful. failure to produce said receipt upon demand (for a unit bought in NOVEMBER) is apparently a punishable offence with having my racket bag in hand being an aggravating !$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%* know you're an iPhone guy but PLEASE port this to Andriod...
 
 
+32 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 24, 2011
What other features should the Better Husband App have?

1- Identify and DELETE spam garbage on the blog.
2- Repeat number one.

Chinese Spammer: Hello dear Husband friends! Thank so much to buy merchandise for prefered wife!

You: WTF?

Chinese Spammer: Please see 15 other blog entries to dollars purchase lovely handbags!

You: A blog by a techie, about techies, and for techies should be able to filter this C R A P - O L A !

Sigh......


 
 
Feb 24, 2011
Perhaps this could be added into The Manslater: (Woman Language Translator)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezVib_giTFo
 
 
Feb 24, 2011
"You might think an apology is only necessary when you've done something wrong. That's how bad husbands think. Good husbands understand that there are only two possible states:

1. Already in trouble.

2. Blundering into a trap."

Hmm this is only relevant if you assume that the wife actually wants a spineless milk-sop for a husband.
 
 
+16 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 24, 2011
"What other features should the Better Husband App have?"

How about growing a spine and some balls instead of being pushed over like a weener? It seems I am allmost alone in this, but I simply do not accept unreasonable crap from my woman. I bow for nobody. She doesn't for me either. She can be herself and I can too. No judgement calls.
 
 
+13 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 24, 2011
Has anyone suggested a translating feature that can extract what they really mean from what they actually say? Or would this be in a wife app?
 
 
-63 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 24, 2011
I know you're trying to be funny and all, but really, this dated sexist claptrap is beneath your usual high standards.

[Watch the votes. -- Scott]
 
 
Feb 24, 2011
I would like a social calendar app with browsable pics of the guests that will be at each party.

That way you can study the names and faces in the car on the way, and you won't need to be introduced to her friend's boyfriend for the 3rd time this year.
 
 
+44 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 24, 2011
You: "Why do all of your girlfriends look so much older than you? Is it because they don't know how to work out?"

Wife: "So now you are checking out all of my girlfriends!?!?"

So even your app gets you in trouble.
 
 
+8 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 24, 2011
How about an app that records every detail of your life together so that when your wife tells a story at a party, and the story involves you, you won't say "Gee, I don't recall that at all," making your wife appear to be lying. Or so that when she says, in a particularly romantic (for her) moment, she says, "Remember when..." you won't say, "Huh? I don't remember that." This app would be mainly for men over the age of 40 whose biological hard drives are full and in dire need of defragging.
 
 
Feb 24, 2011
Scott, you need to check out a song called "Mood Rings" by Relient K. It is the second track on the "Two Lefts Don't Make a Right... but Three Do." album. It goes right along with this post.
 
 
Feb 24, 2011
It should have a feed to the Roissy-DC blog!
 
 
Feb 24, 2011
What stops you from texting,

You: "I'm sorry, honey, but maybe you can do that tomorrow when you get the other groceries. The kids' bones won't dissolve overnight."
 
 
+18 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 24, 2011
How about an speech recognition pattern detector to tell you when you are in such deep trouble that you need to duck.
 
 
 
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