Ever wonder what a cartoonist does all day?

The Wall Street Journal published my diary.


Scott Adams

Co-founder of CalendarTree.com 

WWJR? Maybe this book. You can't prove otherwise.

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May 9, 2014
Scott - I think I have some seriously useful material for your cubicles piece, but I'd rather not share detail to the internet. It's about a mid-sized company forcing their engineers to move from standard cubicles into some really horribly designed ones because someone at HR thought they would "enhance productivity". If you're interested, let me know how to contact you (i'll check back here).

May 9, 2014
Excellent article! Thanks for sharing. Yeah, I could have just hit the thumbs up button, but I thought it deserved a compliment. Now back to practicing my balance for dozing . . .
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May 9, 2014
One of the few men who can advertise his businesses and advocate overthrowing the government at the same time. Because he does it with humor, it has a higher chance of being shared around and read more often. Well said.

(The keyword phrase I used, just flagged your blog again to the NSA. Sorry about that. You might need to write about blood transfusions and robots for a while.)
May 8, 2014
[ No matter how big government gets, it always seeks to get bigger ]

This is inevitable when you think about it. The only stimulus that government programs have to respond to is whether they will be cancelled or not. And how do they avoid being canceled? By benefiting as many people as possible, who in turn will make their representatives in Congress want to keep the program going. In other words, they have no incentive to do anything but grow.

Now, it could be said that a program that benefits more people is a good thing and should be retained. The problem is that the costs of the benefits can be higher than the value of them, because the cost is distributed amongst all taxpayers. Each program, then, seems like a great deal to the people receiving benefits from it. In other words, the programs have no incentive to be efficient.

Combine "need to grow" with "no need to be efficient", and, well, you get our government.
May 8, 2014
5:00 AM? Now that's lazy. I get up at 4:00. Then again, I have to gear up, ride 10 miles, shower and change before I get to my desk, so you're probably actually working before I am.

I'm not one to say that sleep is for the weak, though. Sleep patterns vary tremendously from person to person; I'm just lucky in that I only need about 4-5 of sleep. Perhaps I should say "lucky" because it isn't always beneficial. Drives my wife crazy when we're on vacation.
May 8, 2014
" Although you might consider setting your alarm for 6 AM instead, so you could stay awake at your desk. Just sayin'. "

Indeed. I get eight hours of sleep per night. Most of my friends and family make fun of me, call me lazy, say "sleep is for the weak," and so forth. Then they spend their entire day in a caffeine-induced frenzy where they can barely function and complain that they "feel tired" all the time.
May 8, 2014
One thing you didn't mention in your WSJ article was your clever substitution of one task for another, to wit: you substituted today's writing of a blog post for the writing of a WSJ article. The proverbial two birds delivered from extancy with one stone. Well played.

I also picked up the subtle juxtaposition of your "being paid to fall asleep in your cubicle" with "falling asleep at your desk three times." Clever. Although you might consider setting your alarm for 6 AM instead, so you could stay awake at your desk. Just sayin'.

Following in the footsteps of Thomas Jefferson in the tomato planting area, I see. You call that person "your assistant." Some might use a different term.

Oh, by the way - I'm planting my own tomatoes today. And Brussels sprouts. The squashes, eggplants and bell peppers went in yesterday. Then I'll reconfigure the drip irrigation system. All by myself. No assistant. Not that I wouldn't appreciate a sla. . . er, assistant, but . . .

On the tax situation, I'm with you. The federal government spends too much money and is too large. The only way to get it smaller is to cut off its money supply and make it live within the powers given to it in the Constitution. However, that concept (the federal government living within the law) is considered a quaint, obsolete idea now. No matter how big government gets, it always seeks to get bigger (read, take more of our money and usurp more control over our lives).

And those who oppose that illegal expansion are labeled reactionaries out of touch with the 'mainstream' who hate just about everybody and also want to destroy the planet. Reasoned discourse on the major issues threatening our country thus disappears.

But no biggie. We still have bread, circuses and cartoons. Keep up the good work, and keep writing those big checks to the government, Scott.
May 8, 2014
You're right, of course. I was being a bit restrictive. But federal authority is severely limited, nonetheless. The postal service, the patent and trademark office, immigration laws, and minting currency is just about everything the federal government does today that it's legally allowed to do. We are not supposed to have a standing military, for instance. We should only nationalize a military force during times of defense. At least 95% of federal functions (and spending) is clearly contrary to it's role in our constitution.
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May 8, 2014
Dear Scott, could you paste some screenshots by Google Analytics of your site? It would be interesting to see - especially for viewers from "strange" countries (I don't know a single person who has heard about dilbert personally).
May 8, 2014
The picture they used makes you look like an idiot.
May 8, 2014
>Apparently snails like beer, but it kills them. Interestingly, it's the only thing snails do quickly. I've been trying to kill myself with beer for decades. I am literally slower than a snail.

FUNNY! (And the tip about using beer to kill snails work, but then you have to discard a miniature brown pool of snail corpses. Ick)

FYI - when you see a dot appear in Southern California around 6:45am on Google Analytics, that's me.

May 8, 2014
The highlights for me:
"everything else I do involves pushing paper around and cursing the government for making my life unnecessarily complicated."
"The second government's only job would be to actively prevent the first government from needlessly annoying the citizens."

Also, a friend of mine that does cartoons on the web agrees with this:
"I was disappointed to learn that the job of a cartoonist is mostly paperwork. I had hoped it would be more about drawing stuff."

Aside to Drowlord:
That's not totally correct. The main intended powers of the federal government, outlined in the Constitution, mostly involve a common national defense and foreign diplomacy, and making sure interstate commerce ran smoothly with things like a common currency, the post office, and roads for mail carriers. A big part of the Bill of Rights entailed basic rights, but it was as much to hold the federal government in check as the states.
May 8, 2014
[Sometimes I think this country needs two governments. The second government's only job would be to actively prevent the first government from needlessly annoying the citizens]

Heh. You crack me up. That's (not verbatim) what the founding fathers established. The federal government would be your 2nd government, and it's only real purpose or power was to keep your first government (the state government) from violating basic human rights.
May 8, 2014
Wow, a second government whose job it is to thwart the stupidity of the first government. Now that's your first idea for more government involvement I can get behind.
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