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I just invented a new holiday. It's called Negative Christmas. On this day, rather than giving gifts, you can force a family member or friend to discard one item that he or she already owns. The selected item might be a hideous shirt that you consider an abomination, or that pair of bedroom slippers that are an insult to all footwear. The idea is that the unrecipient should be better off without the item you ungift.

For example, let's say you have a single friend who has a collection of Star Wars memorabilia and also complains that he can't get a woman to stay the night. You could help by making him give away the full-sized wookie that he keeps next to his dresser. When the next Negative Christmas rolls around you could go after the collection of light sabers he keeps over his mantle. It might take you a few years to make any difference in his love life, but think of it as a project.

For real Christmas, people often give gifts of clothing or accessories so the recipient will look attractive. For Negative Christmas you could pay a crazy guy with tattoos to punch your friend in his soft tissue every time he eats a Big Mac or skips going to the gym. In the long run it will help your friend more than a new necktie.

During Negative Christmas there will be no need for vacuous greeting cards or festive salutations. For the entire month leading up to Negative Christmas you are expected to avoid eye contact and mumble insults about everyone you encounter. Ask yourself what would make you happier: 1. Getting a cheap greeting card or, 2. Calling someone a trout-faced bastard under your breath.

Negative Christmas would be every June 25th, on the opposite side of the calendar from Christmas. You would celebrate by planting a tree instead of killing one, and saving your money for yourself instead of blowing it on worthless crap for others.

Who's with me?
 
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Jun 8, 2009
Negative Birthday
Negative Anniversary
Negative Hanukah (sp?)
Even Negative Thanksgiving (that would be the 4th Thursday each April - when you tell stories about things you're not Thankful for, as you past the roast......cat? around the feast table?)
I see a trend. I like it.
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
I'm in, but you're gonna have to convince Hallmark or it won't work!
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
I'm in!!!
 
 
-2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
I am in Scott, now I can get away not gifting anything for my cousin's bday that falls on June 25th!!! I will tell her that I am celebrating Negative Christmas!!!!!!
Love it
 
 
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
I'm with you, but only items that were given as Christmas gifts should be allowable for Negative-gifting.

Now when aunt Bertha asks what happened to that gold framed portrait of Rover made from belly-button-lint you can blame in on a Negative Christmas Negative-gifting! "I loved that picture, but you cannot fight the tradition of Negative Christmas, but I'll always treasure that sculpture made of toenail clippings ..... unless that gets Negative-Gifted next year."

 
 
Jun 8, 2009
I'm in, but I want to continue to kill trees, I like getting/sending greeting cards. Especially the ones that insult, demean and otherwise denigrate people.

Another idea I had is that we could ban daytime TV on negative christmas . Just think of a world without Oprah slobbering over Obama . . . ahh, now that's paradise.
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
If you couple Anti-Christmas with his Un-birthday, you should be able to get rid of the Wookie and the Light Sabers in the same year. It would definitely speed up the project.
(*Chris*)
 
 
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
Yeah good one. Count me in - though I think I should start with myself. Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY from Germany. .....and many more....
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
Uh... happy birthday, Mr. Adams. (This week's Dr. Mardy's Quotes e-newsletter explains that today's your birthday... I guess after your 40th Birthday (I'm about to have mine in August.), one feels a bit different about celebrating one's birthday, huh?

:o)

Cheer up! It's all downhill from here....
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
I looked up to see whose birthday we might be celebrating on Anti-Christmas. All I could come up with was George Michael, Jimmie J.J. Walker, and the "I'm a Mac" guy.
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
I'm way ahead of you. I told my husband that all I want for Christmas is a truck load of worthless junk removed from our home. He's a hoarder. I tried explaining to him that holding onto junk you "might need someday" is not a financially sound plan. In reality, you end up wasting money buying basic tools and supplies that you already have in abundance - but can't find because they are buried under piles of broken down luggage, rusted BBQ's and clothing that looked bad in the 60's.

I have a small corner in one barn for my beekeeping equipment. When he started piling his junk on top of my hives, I starting making regular runs to the the local thrift shop. Now I celebrated Negative Christmas at least once a week. So far my spouse hasn't noticed.

Nix the tree-planting part, though - unless you change the date.
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
Hiring the guy to punch your friend is giving him something he doesn't want but you think he needs - too much like real Christmas! Stick with the giving away stuff.

Of course, people would abuse this by trying to get other people to give up things they want for themselves. It would be embarassing if your friend came over and saw his old wookie next to your dresser.

Anyway, since it looks like the Negative Christmas season is upon us already - up yours, Scott!
 
 
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
Happy Birthday Scott. I never realized that I have been reading this blog and you writing it for so long now. Guys, this is an entry that Scott wrote two years ago on his b'day. It's great, read it and do as he says.

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2007/06/happy_birthday_.html

Scott, I am in for Negative Christmas and I want you to dump your blogging software and move to Wordpress :)
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
Genius.
 
 
+4 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
I love it I'm in! There should be approved salutations too:

Merry Christmas -> You trout-faced bastard
Season's Greetings -> Nice shirt nimrod
Happy Holidays -> You smell like a camel in heat.
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
Count me in!
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
Consider it celebrated. Although, I'll be the one punching my friend in the soft tissue... you know... to save money, economic crisis and all. That and it's more personal.
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
there's already a Christian holiday pretty close to what you're describing: Lent - you're just extendiing it to have what to give up decided by a trusted friend/relative which is potentially a pretty good idea assuming they don't abuse it for personal gain (ex. wife tells husband to give up exercising to free up time for her purposes)
 
 
Jun 8, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Scott.

I'll try it out with my best friends.
 
 
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
I'm in, if only for the scowling and hurling of insults.
 
 
 
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