I just invented a new holiday. It's called Negative Christmas. On this day, rather than giving gifts, you can force a family member or friend to discard one item that he or she already owns. The selected item might be a hideous shirt that you consider an abomination, or that pair of bedroom slippers that are an insult to all footwear. The idea is that the unrecipient should be better off without the item you ungift.

For example, let's say you have a single friend who has a collection of Star Wars memorabilia and also complains that he can't get a woman to stay the night. You could help by making him give away the full-sized wookie that he keeps next to his dresser. When the next Negative Christmas rolls around you could go after the collection of light sabers he keeps over his mantle. It might take you a few years to make any difference in his love life, but think of it as a project.

For real Christmas, people often give gifts of clothing or accessories so the recipient will look attractive. For Negative Christmas you could pay a crazy guy with tattoos to punch your friend in his soft tissue every time he eats a Big Mac or skips going to the gym. In the long run it will help your friend more than a new necktie.

During Negative Christmas there will be no need for vacuous greeting cards or festive salutations. For the entire month leading up to Negative Christmas you are expected to avoid eye contact and mumble insults about everyone you encounter. Ask yourself what would make you happier: 1. Getting a cheap greeting card or, 2. Calling someone a trout-faced bastard under your breath.

Negative Christmas would be every June 25th, on the opposite side of the calendar from Christmas. You would celebrate by planting a tree instead of killing one, and saving your money for yourself instead of blowing it on worthless crap for others.

Who's with me?
Rank Up Rank Down Votes:  +69
  • Print
  • Share


Sort By:
Jun 8, 2009
Of all the great ideas you've posted... this isn't one.
Jun 8, 2009
I'm in, you ferret-faced bastard!
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 8, 2009
there would have to be a rule that says you cannot rebuy the Item you have lost. I can just see somebody saying, "give away your priceless dimonds. I'll take them"
Jun 8, 2009
"and saving your money for yourself instead of blowing it on worthless crap for others. " Well you aren't saving money if you are still hiring a guy to punch your friend. This sounds like a good scenario for the next season of the TV show Dilbert. Bring it on.
Jun 8, 2009
Can we keep it a happy festivity and not call be bastards? I mean, the spirit is still about helping other right? It's not really about doing everything the opposite of Christmas.

June 25th is good, but maybe another name is in order. How about: Decrapmas or something entirely secular, like Stuffaway.

So, how do I get buy-in form the wookie lover in my life....cause they know the wookie's on the Decrapmas list!
Jun 8, 2009
A friend's birthday is the 25th and he always referred to it as Anti-Christmas. I agree, but remember it can be reciprocated. What do you hold dear that someone would want you to get rid of? Just as bad as receiving the weird gift is the getting rid of neat crap.
Jun 8, 2009


Can I infer the reason you are looking to ditch unwanted items, or am I reading too much into it?
Jun 8, 2009
I'm in! Where do I sign up?
Get the new Dilbert app!
Old Dilbert Blog