According to a new study, women are attracted to intelligent men for both long term relationships and for hook-ups.


The only time women are not attracted to intelligent men is when they have the option of a good looking guy who is dumber than pants on fish. Still, it's comforting to know that given the choice of two ugly guys, women usually prefer the one who is not a moron. And obviously many women will still pick the guy who is both ugly and stupid if he has lots of money, good hair, is tall, or plays in a band. I did my own study to reach that conclusion. It's titled "Duh."

In my vast experience as an unattractive smart guy who was not always a syndicated cartoonist, there are in fact women who have fetishes for smart men. Not many, but they exist. My guess is that about 3% of the female public is in that group. That's probably good enough to keep the inventions flowing for a few more evolutionary steps.

The only risk to the future of humanity is that nerds will invent a technology that is better than sex with another human being. I'll try to keep this next part rated PG-13, so please be patient with the indirectness.

I assume some entrepreneur is already working on creating a business where guys will be able to buy a lifelike female body part that plugs into a standard USB port, and can be controlled by someone else across the Internet. That artificial body part could mimic a hand, mouth, or woo-woo. In the short run, the business model would involve paying women, in countries where such things are legal, to control the device and appear on a web cam chat. In the long run, artificial intelligence and CGI women will be controlling the action, so the whole system would only cost $100, with no recurring fees. And that will be the end of humanity because nerds will stop mating, their genes will die out, humanity will revert to the Bronze Age, and all the attractive, dumb people will be eaten by wild dogs.

I like to end on a positive note, so let's take a moment to be happy for the wild dogs.

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Oct 7, 2008
I heard an NPR Science Friday about this several years ago, and there's actually a branch of science dedicated to this, called (I kid you not) !$%*!$%*!$%*!$ I like that word so much that I'm going to type it again, this time in all caps: !$%*!$%*!$%*!$ For those of you not clever enough to get it, the work combines "tele" as in telecommunications, with !$%*!$%* one of those huge rubber thingies.

In fact, there's a good-sized Wikipedia entry on this topic: !$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%* they had taught this kind of science in high school, I definitely would have paid more attention.

Oct 7, 2008
Before the age of 25, straight women tend to prefer those of the opposite sex who are pretty, but once they dry off behind the ears, it's good news for intelligent guys. Even a guy like me, who is santaesque in physique, has a fairly easy time attracting babes.

It helps if you're freshly bathed, of course. It's amazing how hot soapy water can make you sexy. Good manners help, too. Waitresses and clerks have absolutely horrid jobs, and if a woman sees you treating them with respect, especially when it'd be easy not to, she's likely to be attracted. It's pretty easy to have a rotten day, and I make it a point to look for something special in those I come in contact with, male or female. Even a "my goodness, you were lucky to be born with such expressive eyes" really seems to cheer up someone, especially when it's obvious that you aren't trying to get anything, and it's true. If you like everyone - and it's not always possible, but you can always try - then most people will like you in return.

Of course, there's a difference between someone liking you, and someone trusting you. There are only 6 women in the world with perfect bodies, and there are over a billion who feel insecure. If someone thinks you're going to laugh if they take their clothes off, and make fun, those clothes aren't going to come off. On the other hand, if you seem like you are appreciative of them, just the way they are, you seem to have the attitude that nice women are entitled to enjoy sex without being humiliated and called a !$%*! your chances go up quite a bit. It helps if you are generous in small ways. Want a stick of gum? If you spend a fortune on them, they feel like you're trying to buy their bodies, and they don't want to be thought of as prostitutes, even if it's just in their own mind.

There are a lot of lonely women out there, and women who are !$%*!$ but don't have a "safe" outlet. If they think you won't ruin their health, if you won't ruin their reputation, and if there's no other relationship that's going to be screwed up, there are a lot of women who'd love to engage in a few hours of hugs and kisses, including horizontal ones. There ain't nobody out there that was ever loved, the way they wanted to be loved. It doesn't have to be perfect. You just have to remove the barriers that stand in the way.

And yes, I imagine intelligent men are better lays. I know intelligent women are a lot more fun and inventive. I married an intelligent woman, and I don't stray, but if I were available, I'm sure I'd have no trouble hooking up with 3 different women a week. They're out there, readily available, and you don't have to be a Hugh Grant lookalike to be invited home for supper - and breakfast. They'd be excited to have a John Candy lookalike.
Oct 7, 2008
So, if part of those 3% of women visits your blog, and they realize of how much important they are for the future of humankind... Maybe someday, when the e-paleontologists of the future look for the origin of the change that improved things, looking among the millions of webs of our days, maybe they will recognize that everything started here.
Shouldn't you leave a message for them?

Oct 7, 2008
How exactly would you clean out the artificial woo-woo?
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 7, 2008
I think my favorite part of the article would have to be the last paragraph:
"However, in a world of limited resources, not every woman gets what she wants, and some are bound to fall for ugly, unintelligent and uncreative men.'There's always other people out there that find everything attractive,' Prokosch says. "
All uncreative, unintelligent, ugly men - take heart. Somewhere out there, there is a woman that will - for reasons yet undetermined by science - find you attractive (as she finds EVERYTHING attractive, I remind you) enough to settle for the idea that "not every woman gets what she wants".
So no reason to waste your time working on actually becoming creative or intelligent. Geez.
Oct 7, 2008
Technology may not be the downfall of smart men. Look for a movie called "Idiocracy" It's hard to find but worth the effort. It's not the best looking or smartest creatures that win in evolution, just the ones that try the hardest.


Oct 7, 2008
No worries, Scott.

Even if VR sex is as good or better than the real thing, nerds - like all humans - will still want to have the emotional relation, the validation of one's existence, the feeling of being wanted unconditionally. It would take quite a Turing Tested A.I to be able to really fool a nerd.

There would also have to be something to satisfy the techo-groupies, too (those females that actually want nerds). Otherwise, they will still compete with the VR sex toy, and knowing (from experience) how agressive some of them can be, the VR won't stand a chance.
Oct 7, 2008
Being the nerd in this story, just knowing that the douchebags would get eaten by dogs constitutes a happy ending for me.

I'd be willing to disable my ability to procreate if said ending was guaranteed.
Oct 7, 2008
This premise was an episode of Futurama.
Oct 7, 2008
Let us replace partners with cool usb devices. Let us subvert evolution and perish. Why the struggle for existence anyway? Collectively is it all worth it?? Here is to a future of nothingness!!
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 7, 2008
Wow, you are super upbeat today :-) Personally I am attracted to intelligent guys. Nothing turns me off faster than stupid. As Ron White said "you can't fix stupid"
-3 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 7, 2008
Hi im new on your website and yes i cant spell anyways im reading one of your books and thats what inspierd me to get on this site so yeah oh and ithink your vary funny
Oct 7, 2008
Dang; the nanny censor got to my last post. Let's try again:

The field already has a name. It's Bilbonics, but replace the b's with d's.
Oct 7, 2008
The field already has a name: !$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$%* one of those 3% of women Scott was talking about:


Oct 7, 2008
Please get with the times, Scott - it's no longer called a 'woo-woo,' it's now officially been Oprah-fied into "va-jay-jay."
Oct 7, 2008
Yup, you're right. Entrepreneurs have created a business where guys (and girls) are able to buy a lifelike body parts that plugs into a standard USB port, and can be controlled by someone else across the Internet. It's called !$%*!$%*!$%*! and has been around for several years. Can't say I've seen any demographics of, um, users; but I'm guessing nerds aren't the target market.
Oct 7, 2008
This future you speak of reminds me of the Futurama episode "I dated a Robot" in which Fry and the (Lucy Liu likeness) robot begin dating, aided by her being programmed to like Fry. The other Planet Express employees, concerned about his relationship, show him the standard middle-school film (similar to Boys Beware) that predicts the destruction of civilization if humans date robots. Unfortunately, Fry ignores the movie and keeps making out with his Lucy Liubot. There is a scene in the film described above that notes that all of society's progress has just been an attempt at attracting the opposite sex (and sometimes the same sex as is the case with Drama). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Dated_a_Robot

Oct 7, 2008
Sometimes women do care about contents and packaging. Even if the packaging on the guy is a bit worn, if maintained (he tries to maintain some sort of cleanliness, doesn't wear truely atrocious clothing) the contents do matter. And guys with brains do recognize their place in the world. Sometimes out and out attractive folks are so self centered they forget the other person in the relationship, and if they're truely dumber than dirt, there's no educating or keeping them!
Oct 7, 2008
Great post today, Scott!
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 7, 2008
You forgot about all the people who are super intelligent and mega attractive, aka DNRC members.

I like dogs.
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