Home
Just when you thought we didn't have enough problems, a type of immortal jellyfish is making a move for world domination. Apparently they become younger after they procreate.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/4357829/Immortal-jellyfish-swarming-across-the-world.html


I welcome our jellyfish overlords. We humans like to think we're the pinnacle of evolution but the evidence doesn't support that theory. Let's see how we compare to jellyfish.

Starting with the obvious, when we humans become old we pay big money to inject rat poison in our foreheads so we won't look like this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sushisharpei.jpg


When Jellyfish get old they just hump their way back to childhood and start over. Seriously, who has the better system?

When humans want to find a mate they use online dating services and interview many strangers, at least half of whom have club feet and criminal records.

Jellyfish have the advantage of looking exactly alike. That means every jellyfish is aroused by every other jellyfish. When they want to mate they just grab the nearest jellyfish that isn't their own reflection and start going to town. Advantage: jellyfish.

Last night I watched the Jacksonville auditions for American Idol for the second time in two nights because the kids hadn't seen it the first time. Jellyfish spent last night making love and getting younger. Advantage: Jellyfish.

Okay, now it's your turn. Tell me what you have been doing recently and compare that to what jellyfish were doing at the same time. See who wins.

 
Rank Up Rank Down Votes:  +7
  • Print
  • Share
  • Share:

Comments

Sort By:
Jan 29, 2009
Immortality VS Fountain of Youth.

I think the Jellyfish is not immortal it has just found the Fountain of Youth.
Fountain of youth where all human females above 35 and men after 30 would like to take a dip.
However that doesn't stop them from being road killed at the next turn as they are returning merrily from the fountain of youth.

So what stops the Turritopsis nutricula who just had a rejuvenating sexual experience to be eaten by the next tuna passing by. (Tuna = Jellyfish predator : Wikipedia)

Unless it is really immortal like immortality should be. It comes back all together and become a whole jelly fish again next time the tuna poops. Just like the mercury man came together piece by piece. Now that's what I would call immortal.

Come to think of it the Starfish is closer to immortality then the Jellyfish.

Man: Analyzes difference between immortality and fountain of youth and thinks he is a smart ass
Jellyfish: Scored again and gloats with a younger smile
Starfish: Goes "He kids look I can cut my arm and it will grow back. Check this out !!"

Advantage: Starfish
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 29, 2009
Me: Stuck in an empty Chinese city at Chinese New Year looking for some nice company with which to celebrate New Year (preferably in the biblical sense)... and not getting any younger!

Jellyfish: Floating, shagging and getting younger... all the time.

Advantage: Jellyfish
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
Jellyfish don't work in cubicles

Game, set & match to the Jellyfish!
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
Me: Having sex with my reflection.

Jellyfish: Not.

Advantage: My reflection.
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
step kids
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 29, 2009
In 1993, I was entering the 2nd grade. On the other hand,
Jellyfish was recording the world's best power pop album:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jellyfish_(band)#Spilt_Milk

Advantage: Jellyfish
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
I thought jellyfish were asexual.
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
So if David Duchovny or Jenna Jameson were a jellyfish they could've accidentally put themselves out of existence? Or is there a youth limit?
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 29, 2009
Me: Batter and frying up "immortal" jellyfish to make delicious calamari.
Jellyfish: A painful burning death.

Advantage: Me.
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
He Scott!!! We need another poll of your economists. I would really like to see what economists think we should do to help the economy. I have heard that economist think the things we did to recover from the great depression made the recovery longer, while historians say it helped.
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
Boobs.

Advantage: humans
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
Me: making sweet, passionate love to the most beautiful, imaginative, appreciative woman I've ever known - and every time is different... and better.
Jellyfish: ho-hum - Different day, different fish, same boring routine
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
Me: Spending all day in a cubicle, wondering if I'm going to have a job tomorrow, plodding along doing the same thing every day while my company sucks the life out of me.
Jellyfish: !$%*!$%* anything that isn't a reflection while adding years to their !$%*!$%* everything but a reflection lives
Advantage: DUH
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
Jellyfish, getting laid and then being juvenile,
Me, getting laid and then being juvenile (according to my wife)

No difference.
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
me: reading this blog.

Jellyfish: getting it on and getting younger.

Advantage: Jellyfish
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
I think it is very racist (... specist?) to say that all jellyfish look alike.
 
 
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 29, 2009
Today I spent 30 minutes exercising to stay in shape. Jellyfish are jelly-like no matter what they do. Many of them hardly move at all, and just eat whatever floats into them.

Advtantage: Jellyfish
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
My car was totaled last month, and the insurance company is going to cough up $6500. I have spent hours upon hours trying to decide what car to buy, whether to buy new or used, and how much of my own money to spend. I am no closer to a decision than I ever was. I think the jellyfish has the advantage!
 
 
Jan 29, 2009
Me: smoking cigars, drinking bourbon and laying in a tanning bed
Jellyfish: swimming in the toilet of every fish in the ocean.

Tie.
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 29, 2009
Me: Reading the Scott Adam's blog

Jellyfish: .... getting younger.

You tell me.
 
 
 
Get the new Dilbert app!
Old Dilbert Blog