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The movie Les Miserables just won the Golden Globe for best musical or comedy. If you haven't seen this movie, you might be tempted because of its award-winning ways. As a public service, I offer you my review of Les Miserables.

In a pivotal scene in Les Miserables, one of the main characters finds himself in a sewer, up to his nostrils in human waste, with a bullet in his torso, while being pursued by the authorities who have just killed all of his friends. This was my favorite scene in Les Miserables because I could relate to it. Watching that fucking movie feels exactly like being up to your nostrils in human waste, with a bullet in your torso, after the government has killed all of your friends. The main difference is that the movie is longer. Much, much longer.

I usually fall asleep during movies. If you put me in a darkened room for more than thirty minutes, it doesn't matter how good the entertainment is; I'll be off to dreamland before the opening credits are done. I tried hard to sleep through Les Miserables but I was continuously thwarted by something they call "singing." This movie was full of singing. And by singing, I mean the sad wailing of filthy, miserable people. If you would like to hear the entire soundtrack of Les Miserables without paying for a ticket, try punching your cat. But whatever you do, don't let your cat watch Les Miserables because that would be cruel. I don't care if your cat shredded your mattress and ate your wedding ring. The punishment would not be proportional to the crime.

Ann Hathaway played the part of a whining, mud-caked, Halloween skeleton who blamed the system for her problems. Typical liberal. Hugh Jackman played Wolverine, I think. I didn't catch a lot of the details because it's the sort of movie that makes your mind try to crawl out of your ear hole in search of anything that isn't the movie.

Les Miserables is such an unpleasant experience that it would make a great practical joke on people you don't like. If you have a coworker that you hate, suggest that he or she should see Les Miserables because it is so awesome. You might need to practice in front of a mirror before you can say it with a straight face. Mention that the movie won several Golden Globes.  And be sure to say the movie trailers don't capture the magic of the film. Remember to call it a "film," not a movie, because it sounds more substantial that way. I suspect that 80% of Les Miserables audiences are the victims of this sort of prank. I'm thinking the Golden Globes might be in on the joke too.

If you want to see the best movie of the past year, check out This is 40. Judd Apatow knows how to make a frickin' movie, and this is his best work to date. I laughed so hard at a scene involving a hand mirror that I thought I would need medical attention. Comedies don't usually win the big awards, but this one is a true masterpiece. The writing, directing, and comedic acting are superb.

If you try the Les Miserables practical joke on a friend, let me know how it goes.

 
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Jan 15, 2013
Two questions - 1) do you like ANY musicals, and 2) do you like movies that are meant to make you cry? I'm guessing no, so why in the hell would you go see Les Miserables? I'm suspect your wife was the instigator. So what was her review?
 
 
Jan 15, 2013
@Folkbert

[You do not happen to want to do the same to your blog followers as you suggest doing to hated co-workers?]

If he is he's keeping up the joke for a long time. This post is consistent with a post he wrote way back that essentially said he doesn't care so much about the acting/photography/awards/etc so much as how the film makes him feel. As far as that goes I agree with him, though it seems Scotts taste in movies is somewhat different from mine.
 
 
+10 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 15, 2013
[My wife: "It's a great movie. It was so sad, it made me cry."

Me: "Crying is not the optimal response to good entertainment."]

Sad movies or books can't be good ones? That's kind of shallow, isn't it?
 
 
-3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 15, 2013
I have to say that I like /your/ use of f - u - c - k - i - n - g no more than the software that bleeps it out in /our/ postings.

You are an intelligent cartoonist. You should be able to come up with more creative insults.
 
 
Jan 15, 2013
the title refers to the collective of people who've had to sit through the movie...
 
 
Jan 14, 2013
Wasn't planning on seeing it. Still not planning on it.

If you want a good musical watch Paint Your Wagon - who knew Clint Eastwood could sing so well?
 
 
Jan 14, 2013
So... not a big fan of Broadway musicals, are we, Scott?
 
 
Jan 14, 2013
Les Miserables - worst movie ever
This is 40 - best movie of 2012
???

You do not happen to want to do the same to your blog followers as you suggest doing to hated co-workers?
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 14, 2013
Yes, someone who finally agrees that "This is 40" is the new bar for comedic cinema. One knee-slapper after another!

(Scott, I know where you're going with this...hint hint nudge nudge)
 
 
Jan 14, 2013
If you need your faith in movie musicals restored, stream "Cannibal! The Musical". It's Trey Parker's version of the legend of Alferd Packer, a Colorado gold prospector/cannibal, set in 1873.

It's low-budget, but if you consider it could have been primitive animation, it seems more big-budget.

 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 14, 2013
Haven't seen the movie and probably won't. My kids all saw it and liked it - although they said it was disconcerting to see Hollywood stars inhabit favorite literary characters.

If I manage to slog through the gazillion-page french novel first, then maybe.
 
 
Jan 14, 2013
Remember that last year a silent movie won Best Picture. And now this year the top contender is one where every word of dialogue is sung. I really don't know where all this is leading us. We might be very near the end of the world.
 
 
+17 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 14, 2013
According to Rotten Tomatoes, Les Mis: 70% positive, This is 40: 51%. Not saying "the mob" is always right (insert Jersey Shore joke here) but RT is usually a decent barometer of a movie's ability to deliver upon its goals.

Haven't seen it yet, but when the reviews blast the movie for "Too Much Singing" and "Too sad" I scratch my head and wonder what the hell you were expecting from a musical set during the French Revolution that appeals to 14yr old aspiring acctresses?
 
 
+22 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 14, 2013
I'm a hetero ex-Army Paratrooper and a fan of Les Miserable. I've seen the play twice in London and have the Anniversary Concert at Prince Albert Hall on DVD. Your review Sir, will not dissuade me from seeing this version. If only your review had compared the movie with the live play, then I would have some basis for understanding your complete put-down of the movie. It may be you just don't like musicals or that you hate anything related to French history. If that were the case then it wouldn't matter how good the movie is.

I don't follow the leanings of Hollywood but if it gets a massive nod from the Oscars plus the play production of Les Mis is translated into 20 different languages (including Russian, Japanese, Spanish, German, etc.) with great financial success over decades, then I would say your review of the movie and its music is very much on the fringes of public opinion.

If you could point to specific examples such as "the audience cringed when Ann Hathaway opened her mouth..." then I can understand where the criticism is coming from. If you simply don't like one of the most popular musicals EVER then there isn't much I would take away from your comments.

 
 
+8 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 14, 2013
I'm a hetero ex-Army Paratrooper and a fan of Les Miserable. I've seen the play twice in London and have the Anniversary Concert at Prince Albert Hall on DVD. Your review Sir, will not dissuade me from seeing this version. If only your review had compared the movie with the live play, then I would have some basis for understanding your complete put-down of the movie. It may be you just don't like musicals or that you hate anything related to French history. If that were the case then it wouldn't matter how good the movie is.

I don't follow the leanings of Hollywood but if it gets a massive nod from the Oscars plus the play production of Les Mis is translated into 20 different languages (including Russian, Japanese, Spanish, German, etc.) with great financial success over decades, then I would say your review of the movie and its music is very much on the fringes of public opinion.

If you could point to specific examples such as "the audience cringed when Ann Hathaway opened her mouth..." then I can understand where the criticism is coming from. If you simply don't like one of the most popular musicals EVER then there isn't much I would take away from your comments.

 
 
Jan 14, 2013
And the music symbols didn't get converted properly.





Stupid technology.
 
 
Jan 14, 2013
LOL.


The ironic thing is something like the miserable ones get lumped in with comedies because there's singing. By that standard, just add a few notes to mcbeth or hamlet and they'd both be jolly good shows.

♪♪♪ my uncle killed my father, oh my what a bother ♪♪♪
 
 
Jan 14, 2013
If you thought this was bad, then for Gods sake don't go see Mama Mia.
 
 
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 14, 2013
Best. Review. Ever.
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 14, 2013
I'm a Skyfall guy myself.
 
 
 
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