Last night I went with the family to see the American Idol stage show featuring the top ten contestants from the TV competition. You might wonder why anyone would go watch something he has already seen on TV. But this live performance was way different from TV. Let me count the ways:
  1. It was far more expensive.
  2. It was a five hour drive, round trip.
  3. The singers had that bewildered "What am I doing in Sacramento?" look.
  4. The sound system in the Arco Arena was like four winos farting in a steel drum.
  5. From our seats, the singers looked like colorful grains of rice.
  6. Wooden seats.

This did not deter us from our determination to enjoy being in the same zip code with manufactured minor celebrities who could not be heard above the screaming. At least we could see them on the grainy projection screens on each side of the stage. The large screens reminded me of sweet, sweet television, but without the clarity.

Two enthusiastic girls in front of us brought a huge sign that obscured my view of everything but my own clenched fists. I don't mean to be unkind, but even without the signage, these girls chewed up a lot of real estate. They were excited to be within mortar distance of actual celebrities. After letting them have their fun, I finally had to tap them on the shoulders and give the "WTF???" crotchety old coot look. This dampened their enthusiasm for a full half minute before they felt it was time to ignore me and blot out my view of the stage again. It is unlikely they are Dilbert readers, but I still think it is funny that they went to the show hoping to see unimportant celebrities while one was tapping them on the shoulder and wishing they were dead.

Still, I have to say it was worth it just to see (sort of) David Archuleta belt out a few tunes that blew the doors off the stadium and sent 8,000 young girls into premature ovulation. The winner of this year's American Idol, David Cook, ended the show with a demonstration of natural superstar charisma that was a joy to experience.

But television is good too.

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Jul 15, 2008
The trip was a 730 mile trip one way. I have no idea why the plural of 'mile' is turned into gibberish.
Jul 15, 2008
Hey, I just got back from a 300 mile one way trip to see David Archuleta sing in concert. (It was fantastic, incidentally.) In May I drove to his homecoming, a mere 730 !$%*! one way. This kid could sing the birds out of the trees, and he's definitely sang me out of gas money. But, I did have a smile on my face as I drained my bank account.

I could tell this guy was magic from the first time I saw him on Idol, and he didn't even have to pull a coin from behind my ear. He's going to be HUGE, and I don't mean like the girls that blocked your view at the Idol concert. I love him dearly, and we're not even related.

David is incredibly talented, has an endearing personality, and is way cute so I'm sure the media will be out to get him. Watch his back for him, Scott. After all, because of him, you didn't have to open the doors on the way out to your car.

Thanks for the laughs. Loved your spin on the concert.
Jul 15, 2008
I prefer TV to live concerts. Better air-conditioning, I guess.
Jul 14, 2008
Your a good man to not be ashamed to enjoy a show like this. I've gone twice with my daughter to Idol shows in previous years, and we have very fond memories.

Jul 13, 2008
You sir, must love your family a big fat load. And you did this AFTER Father's Day? That's gotta be a triple-word-score move that should have those kids fighting to give you a kidney anytime you need one later on. Oh wait... I mean, that should get you a stolen kidney coughed up anytime you need one later on.

And please, before somebody jumps all over my kidneys for joking about stolen adrenals, I'm an organ donor. I'm just not done using it yet.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 12, 2008
So ... did you vote someone off the stage?
Jul 12, 2008
Who are these people again?

I thought you said these were celebrities.

I thought part of the definition of "celebrity" is "someone who is famous for something."
Jul 11, 2008
I would drive 20 hours to see David Archuleta in person and hear him sing--it is too bad the screaming was so loud you couldn't hear him. I am not a young girl--and haven't been this way about a singer since the 60's
He is amazing!! and I can understand the screams--I was one of them in Glendale.
Jul 11, 2008
I can't believe you really did that. Please, Scott, tell me it wasn't your idea. My image of you, not so hot to begin with, has taken a big hit. Please tell us it was your wife's idea. Please. I am just. . . I don't know, sort of feeling like the last ingredient in a Smoothie right now. Tell me you don't drink those, by the way.

This is a sad day in history.
Jul 11, 2008
Umm..yes...ripping good laugh

I was wondering if your glasses broke due to all that high-pitched screaming emitted from pre-pubescent females
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 11, 2008
Wife has the hots for David Cook, eh?

I feel your pain, brother.
Jul 11, 2008
In the past you have said you don't vote. It is my belief that people who are interested in American Idol should not vote because... well.... they are morons. Please don't vote in the upcoming election.

Our upcoming election is more like an Americal Idol contest in which Barack Obama will surely win. All show and no sustance.
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 11, 2008
"Four winos farting in a steel drum."

That was my first good belly laugh of the day. Thank you.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 11, 2008
Branson... Idol.... .... dude.

Imean DUDE....
Jul 11, 2008
Scott, it is anecdotes/observations like this that make this blog fantastic.
Jul 11, 2008
I would rather read The Dilbert Principle for the nth time than attend one of these asanine shows.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 10, 2008
Oh man, I thougth my ears whold dropp of i laught so hard! Hey I hope you know what you have to do now, Now you got to buy the dvd! So you can watch the grainy big screen at home
Jul 10, 2008
I saw the AI show with Clay and Ruben several years ago. We were so high up needed a sherpa to find our seats. From where we were, everyone but Ruben looked like little ants.

It had to be the worst "concert" I ever sat through. Like paying $100 bucks to see a high school talent show.
Jul 10, 2008
Why on earth would you drive 5 hours to see an American Idol concert?

Oh yeah...right - I forgot; You're a newlywed.

Case dismissed.
-2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 10, 2008
It must have been awesome to see "colorful grains of rice".
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