I'm glad I have this blog to show the comics my editor rejects. The version of the comic below that will run 11/30/13 has a different third panel. This is the original version that my editor rejected. Was he right?

On another topic, my new book, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life, will be released October 22nd but you can preorder on Amazon.


Rank Up Rank Down Votes:  +136
  • Print
  • Share


Sort By:
Oct 1, 2013
She'll help you . . .
. . . stop eating your business lunches like golden labs.
. . . eat real food instead of what we feed you in the cafeteria.
. . . be marginally less embarrassing to management.
. . . use eating tools not made of plastic.
. . . prepare for the annual Appreciation Dinner at Denny's.
. . . with the concept of eating with other humans.
. . . feel as crude and awkward as you should feel.
. . . eat and speak in an appropriate manner, even though she's a skank.
. . . eat properly, because the lunchroom security videos are making people sick.
Oct 1, 2013
Change Alice to say: "No idea, but give me that knife and I'll carve a mouth on this Jack-O-Lantern."
Oct 1, 2013
Your editor made the only call he/she could, I suppose. But overall, I'd agree with others about this comic being hard to read. Dessicated, crone, etiquette, engineering, heathens. I'm reading it in my head, and it still makes me stutter.
Oct 1, 2013
I would have rejected it too, but I agree it's fun to see the rejects.

three problems: dessicated crone is pretty mean. fork que not very funny, and a bit of a stretch as a punchline.

it's not up to par with your usual comics.
Oct 1, 2013
I would have gone with "I feel nuts."
+8 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 1, 2013
Probably right by newspaper standards.

Love seeing rejected comics!! Thanks for sharing!
Oct 1, 2013
But...but...I don't get it. The class is a big fork cue? Is this related to the "women like to spoon, but men prefer to fork" joke? I never understood that one either, on account of my unsullied virgin mind, clean as the newfallen snow and...wait.
ForkCue...I just said it out loud and...

AAAaaARRRgggGGGGHhhH!!! My brain had a DIRTY THOUGHT!!!

Dear Jeebus, the PAIN...I'm blind!! OMG, what have you done?? If only you had listened to your editor, who is my only defense against evil, you heathen...

oh. oh, wait. it was just gas. I'm fine now.

carry on then.

Oct 1, 2013
Using a bad pun to slip in poorly-hidden profanity?
This is low even by Scott's standards.
Shirley he can't be serious.
Oct 1, 2013
Yes, I would side with the editor on this one.

But, wow, I love seeing your rejected comics. And this is the perfect venue for that type of thing. Please let us see more of this behind-the-scenes footage.
Oct 1, 2013
It's a solid pun, but I can see it pretty obviously. Not surprised it got rejected.
Oct 1, 2013
The entire strip builds to the final "fork cue" pun... it seems that if the third panel has to change, then the whole strip has to change.
Oct 1, 2013

[now I'm telling a successful comic how to tell a joke. I'm hopeless.]

Hey! Scott needs this sort of feedback from us or else he wont be a successful comic anymore!
+29 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 1, 2013
I think the editor was right on this one. In fact, I'm not fond of the entire strip.

Panel 1: Desiccated crone could be funny, or heathens might be funny, but not both together. It doesn't flow or feel right. I would have preferred something other than something other than heathens; perhaps "troggs" as in troglodyte. That fits the "inverse is funny" rule.

Panel 2: Kidnap victims is somewhat taboo these days after what has been in the news this year. Secondly, kidnap victims aren't necessarily starving or uncultured. The "trogg" or similar reference may have been more appropriate in this panel.

Panel 3: Clever, but ugh.

As my wife would say, I seem to be a total pompous ass here. First I tell a published author what software to use for writing, and now I'm telling a successful comic how to tell a joke. I'm hopeless.
Oct 1, 2013
Why do the newspapers need you to submit your comics two months in advance?
To paraphrase some of my school teachers, "What do they do sitting on it? Wait for its eggs to hatch."
Does this not preclude you from drawing about any current issue in your strips?
+15 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 1, 2013
[This is the original version that my editor rejected. Was he right?]

Depends. Is 'low quality' a reason your editor sometimes gives for rejecting a comic? Is the replacement strip better? I didnt like this one so much. Look at this as an opportunity to do better. We know you can do it.
+18 Rank Up Rank Down
Oct 1, 2013
I wouldn't have rejected it but if I'm being completely honest it's a little obvious by your standards... you have a talent for sneaking stealth jokes by but this one lacks your usual plausibly deniable alternative punchline...
Get the new Dilbert app!
Old Dilbert Blog