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A recent study found that the sound of expensive sports cars increases testosterone in both men and women, thus causing arousal. I didn’t believe it until I played the video of the Maserati, the most potent car they studied. Maybe it’s the placebo effect, but I did feel a surge of something.

http://blog.wired.com/cars/2008/09/weve-got-some-b.html 

This solved one of the great riddles of my life. Every summer a group of classic car enthusiasts gathers in my area to compare cars and whatnot. The odd thing I noticed is that the men are generally bearded, out of shape, and unattractive. But the women accompanying them are often very attractive. Now I know why. Apparently the sound of custom car engines is like catnip to hot chicks.

The great thing about the testosterone study is that you don’t need to buy an expensive car to get the benefits. You can just play a recording of the engine sounds and your partner will be ready for action. The problem is figuring out how to introduce a sports car engine noise into your romantic evening.

The sneakiest method I can think of would be to have some recorded street sounds on your home music system turned down low, so it sounds like it is coming from outside. Every once in awhile you could mutter something like “damn kids need to slow down” and then return your attention to your date, who by this time is shedding clothes like a trailer park in a tornado.

I also wonder what other sights, sounds, smells, and textures boost testosterone. Someone needs to study this more thoroughly. Obviously porn does the trick for men, and the smell of pumpkin pie, according to other studies. Women are more mysterious. I once saw a study where sensors were attached to shoppers. For men, there was no special change in their bodies except boredom. For women, the stereotype held, and the instrument panel lit up like a Christmas tree as soon as they entered a store. So I think the sound of shopping would boost the happy feeling for many women. I realize how sexist that sounds, but you can’t argue with junk science.

The perfect montage of sounds for a woman might be something along the lines of ocean waves, followed by the Maserati, expensive shoes on fine marble, mall noise, credit card swiping, ruffling of a shopping bag, and then the sound of wine pouring into a glass, with a fireplace crackling in the background. I’d also add the sound of a chainsaw somewhere in the distance, so the woman can imagine her personal lumberjack getting wood for the fire.


What do you think?

 
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Sep 14, 2008
Maybe they can just stop putting ugly guys in !$%*!
 
 
Sep 11, 2008
I think you can argue with junk science, but 99% of studies prove that people who ague against junk science ae stupid, you're not stupid, are you?

http://rambingsofanofficeworker.blogspot.com
 
 
Sep 10, 2008
I think your wife had better not be reading your blog entries about how to pick up chicks.
 
 
Sep 9, 2008
I have a SINGLE friend who can't seem to get a date. He also drives a Prius and attempt to hyper-mileage the darned thing. Maybe he'd do better burning some dead dinosaurs than trying to scoot through parking lots all stealthy and hitting the highway with nice easy acceleration. I'll have to point him to this post!
 
 
Sep 9, 2008
Did anyone else notice that the VW sound was recorded <I>inside</I> the car instead of outside? I smell a rat. I also don't think they drove it as hard as they did the other cars. I agree with the comment about whether it was blind; if people knew and saw the cars, they'd get a much different reaction even if they never heard them.
 
 
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Sep 9, 2008
as a car collector I would like to say I take offense to your description, I do not have a beard!!! In my car clubs I have noticed a bunch of wives that would normally be out of reach of their husbands, like my wife for example. I guess what I am saying is all nerds like me should have fancy cars.
 
 
Sep 9, 2008
Scott,
any way to map the left arrow key and right arrow key to flip comics?
 
 
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Sep 9, 2008
Overhere you can buy a gimmick for the car that superimposes the sound of an expensive sports car on your radio-speakers. (Germany). They showed it on tv last week.

That shows you that as soon as you start to take these things seriously, you will look very silly.
 
 
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Sep 9, 2008
Wouldn't you worry that the lady would run out-side to be with the bloke with the Maserati?
 
 
Sep 9, 2008
The Art of Noise has deep engine sounds in several of their CDs. :D Enjoy!
 
 
Sep 8, 2008
money = testosterone, looks
 
 
Sep 8, 2008
InSacramento:

Try this date in the search, January 31, 1995. There is a strip where Wally and Dilbert fight in cyberspace. I think you may want to read the terms of use before putting it in your paper, though.
 
 
Sep 8, 2008
Old guy expensive high maintenance car.

Young high maintenance chick.

Duh
 
 
Sep 8, 2008
Whenever I hear an engine like that pass by, I yell "Sorry about your penis!" I guess they're on to something as well. They're small, they can't get it up, so they need some red hot engine lovin' to get their stuff working.

Sorry about your penis, indeed.
 
 
Sep 8, 2008
That thing about the pumpkin pie... I was embarrassed when I read about that. Though I get it more with being -denied- pumpkin pie. Or is that irritability rather than arousal? Sometimes I don't know the difference.
 
 
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Sep 8, 2008
Women are turned on by deep voices. Rent "Clear and Present Danger."
 
 
Sep 8, 2008
I knew that already! I know everything. That is why I always watch the speed channel when girls are over :)
 
 
Sep 8, 2008
Unfortunately (and I'm sure you've considered this) there is a confounding variable in your sample of local car enthusiasts.

Danville car collectors have one other thing in common beside the cars: bucketloads of money.

And I've heard rumor that for some people (male or female) money measured by the bucketload is also an aphrodisiac.
 
 
Sep 8, 2008
Today's comic was great, but the panels looked remarkably like the panels in today's Daily Dilbert desktop comic
 
 
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Sep 8, 2008
The Lamborghini engine sounded to me like an animal growling. That sound, plus the visual of my personal lumberjack bringing me wood for my fire... Yep, that would definitely close the deal for me.

:-)
 
 
 
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