Home
Here's a list of three things that you are unlikely to do, at least in this order:

1.       Watch a Swedish movie called The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
2.       Read about the Swedish sex charges against Julian Assange
3.       Book a vacation to Sweden

I am always amused by the strange impact of unintended consequences. Julian Assange simply wanted to release some embarrassing information, have hot sex with a Swedish babe then have hot sex with an acquaintance of that same babe one day later. That's just one example of why the Swedish language has 400 words that all mean "and your cute friend is next."

But things didn't turn out as Assange hoped.  The unintended consequence of his actions is that he managed to make Sweden look like a country that's governed by congenital idiots and populated with nothing but crazy sluts and lawyers. And don't get me started about the quality of their condoms.

To be fair, I don't know if Assange's alleged broken condom is because the product was defective. We have good evidence that Assange has the world's biggest set of nuts, so assuming some degree of proportionality, he'd put a strain on any brand of condom that didn't have rebar ribs.

Assange had a lot of help making Sweden look like the last place on Earth that you would want to take your penis. The aforementioned megahit movie, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, makes the place look like a snow-filled ass cave that Jeffrey Dahmer lived in before he got a raise. (It's a good movie otherwise.)

If you haven't read any background about the so-called rape charges against Assange, you really should. Apparently Swedish laws are unique.  If you have a penis, you're half a rapist before you even get through customs. And if your condom breaks, that's jail time. What I'm saying is that the Club Med in Sweden is a nervous place.

I was having a hard time making up my mind about Assange. On one hand, he might be hurting the interests of my country and putting people in danger. Death to him! On the other hand, a little extra government transparency might prevent more problems than it causes.  Hero!  It was a toss-up. Then Sweden turned Assange from a man-whore publicity hound into Gandhi.  Advantage: Assange.

The one thing I know for sure is that I'm a fan of the hackers who are dispensing vigilante justice. Here's another unintended consequence: The hackers could end up organizing over this issue and ultimately forming a shadow government of their own, if they haven't already.  I welcome my hacker overlords.

Prediction: The governments of the world can't let Assange become a martyr. He would be too powerful. They'll pressure Sweden to release him on some sort of technicality.

 

 

 
Rank Up Rank Down Votes:  +949
  • Print
  • Share

Comments

Sort By:
Dec 9, 2010
Ron Paul has it nailed ..Re: Wikileaks- In a free society, we are supposed to know the truth. In a society where truth becomes treason, we are in big trouble.
 
 
+15 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
Dec 9 Melbourne, Australia's legal community has met to express support for WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange. About 200 people gathered at a Law Institute of Victoria forum in Melbourne on Thursday in support of Mr Assange. Leading lawyer Julian Burnside QC told the meeting it was appalling the Australian government had cast Mr Assange adrift. Liberty Victoria president Peter Gordon said it appeared war was being waged by powerful governments and large corporations to suppress information. The meeting unanimously passed motions condemning any future call for Mr Assange's extradition to the United States because he cannot receive a fair trial. They also said any criminalisation of WikiLeaks was a direct attack on the media and freedom of speech.
 
 
Dec 9, 2010
Julian Assange grew up in country Queensland, Australia, where he says people speak outright and true. He said in an interview that he likes "smashing bastards". That is, people who lie, who make up fake wars to make money for their oil companies and foodstuff for troops providers, etc. People like the recent Republicans, etc, even Obama. They are all tools of these evil companies. They are all bastards. And now they will hopefully be smashed. At least people will be aware of what is going on.
 
 
+46 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
@me3 I know this is a comedy channel, but I suppose we should point out that Assange is no american, and so cannot be a traitor to America. But we do appreciate your love of the world and wanting us to be one big world country - somehow that does seem somewhat lefty though to me...

What Assange is doing is high level Theater (he was born into a theatre family) to make us all think a bit. That's what I argue http://tinyurl.com/stripleak .

 
 
-147 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
People who make Assange into a hero are, IMO, complete idiots. Treason is not only being encouraged; it is becoming fashionable and 'heroic'.

The total lack of intelligent discrimination between the good and bad acts of Assange should not surprise me, I guess. Our society seems to get dumber and more self-destructive by the second. This is just more of the same.

This glorification of treason is going to bite us in the ass one day. We do not see the cost of Assange's evil, so we can bythely pretend it does not even exist. So far, only a few Afghan families have had to face the horror of what Assange has done. But this precedent will one day reach back into our lives and impact us personally. Some punk Assange wannabe will release something that will enable our enemies to hurt us badly, and Americans will die. When that happens, we will hear the wails of, "how could they have let this happen ?!?" from the very same nitwits who were lauding this exact type of behavior all along.
 
 
-62 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
Of course our host has to side with the hacker army, since he doesn't want his site taken down if they think he's being critical of them.

Moreover, siding with Wikileaks is boosting the reputation of people skilled at computers, which includes our host and most of us.

Although I thought that the "Collateral Murder" video was more of an editorial than a leak, putting sunshine on possible corruption generally gets a green light from me.

But Assange now seems to have gone into "let's just harm the US as much as possible." Exposing diplomatic cables is not pointing out corruption or illegal activity. It's just making diplomacy harder for the US. And Assange has been explicit that that was his goal.

I don't want to rely too much on my immediate emotional reaction, though, so I look to precedent. What have countries traditionally done when a non-resident has set out to harm them?
 
 
Dec 9, 2010
I think Iran will probably have him killed and blame it on the imperialistic dogs of the west.
 
 
-49 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
My bet: Ass-ange(l) is going to get put to jail for one year in Sweden for releasing sensitive material without proper consent in a situation where said material could have caused unwanted consequences and long term responsibilities by partners without proper legal responsibilisation of said releaser.

That will appease the Rabid Nationalist Americans who want his head on a pole. If stated like that it will seem like he was jailed for the right reason; ignoring the fact that the Australian ex-prime minister Mr Rudd pointed out that the US should perhaps tighten up a bit on security saying "Maybe 2 million or so people having access to this stuff is a bit of a problem"

There could be a way out for him if things calm down a bit: marriage. But this is problematic as there is an ontological restriction to one partner in Chrisitan civilisation, and two Swedish Viking women have laid claim to his future. So I suggest that whatever he chooses he'd better read up on release-act theory, which starts with a book called the Bible, and has continued developments in more recent writers such as Searle or Derrida.

In any case the question will be: will he prefer one year of jail or marriage?
 
 
+31 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
Prediction: The governments of the world can't let Assange become a martyr. He would be too powerful. They'll pressure Sweden to release him on some sort of technicality.

The only problem with that prediction is that it assumes governments act rationally. There's ample evidence (some of it on your blog) that disproves that idea.
 
 
+29 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
One more very funny aspect showing how poorly many actors in this comedy perform: Remember that Amazon dropped Wikileaks from their cloud? That Mastercard and Visa cancelled Wikileaks accounts? At the same time, you can purchase the Wikileaks cables 1-5000 on Amazon and pay with your Mastercard or Visa for them...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B004EEOLIU?ie=UTF8&ref_=sr_1_2&s=books&qid=1291847557&sr=8-2&linkCode=shr&camp=3194&creative=21330&tag=matstmeuk-21
 
 
+75 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
Defective condom, huh? Gives a new meaning to wiki leaks...
 
 
+7 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
I find it coincidental that your desk calendar has the story of the company delving into privatized space exploration during the same week that SpaceX sent the Falcon 9 into orbit. Pretty cool.
 
 
+18 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
Swedish girls...can't stop thinking about them. Who cares what their country looks like? Oh, and this Assange guy, cool. It's been fun watching our government squirm and the whole traitor thing about him is ridiculous ("would have tipped the Germans off about D-Day" crap). Remember Dilbert Fans, it was a Private in the armed services who leaked this information to him...hello, A PRIVATE?

Next cup is decaf.
 
 
+41 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
@Scott I do love Dilbert and your blog, but seriously, an American calling the Swedish government "congenital idiots" is a bit much. Swedish politicians may be wimps and immensely lacking in debating skills, but at least they mostly stick to facts and the truth. Having followed US politics for a couple of years I'm stumped by how much they lie, make up facts and how they have no shame what so ever. There seems to be no consequences for lying to the public nor changing their stance on something whenever it suits them.

@maddog_uk_69 The charges against Assange existed before the two latest WikiLeaks. They aren't even charges, he's just "wanted for questioning" at this time. That "the media" disregards this fact isn't very surprising, they way it's portrayed now makes for a much better story.

 
 
-19 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
Chad: Sweden has been asking him to come in for questioning since August, but he left the country so that they couldn't get to him. Swedish newspapers wrote already on November 19 about the international arrest warrant that had been issued by then. He clearly obeyed the London police as he realized that he had no other choice. Regardless, it wasn't a surprise to him that he has been wanted by the Swedish police for four months, or that the international arrest warrant was issued several weeks ago. How does that fit into your theory?
 
 
+46 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
"So, if he knows that he didn't commit a crime, why has he been running?"

He, accompanied by his lawyer, turned himself in to the London police as soon as they formally asked him to do so.

Doesn't sound like running to me.
 
 
Dec 9, 2010
Im sorry, i meant three things. Shame I can't edit these, kind of in a rush.
 
 
+34 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
Speaking as a Swede I think the case will be thrown out. Probably not because of the US is putting weight on the government, but because of two things:

1. Sweden wants to look independant after the wikileaks.
2. The allegations made from these women in my perspective make it look like they just want revenge and become b-celebrities by hanging onto Assanges name. Regardless of the outcome of the case they're going to put a feminist spin on it and earn money from speaches to feminists clubs.
3. After the piratebay debacle the swedish government are VERY careful around pirateparty issues, which includes Wikileaks. They've taken alot of flak for the way these have been handled, and the recent statements by Beatrice Ask (our judicial minister) have riled the PP party even more. The PP is a ticking bomb waiting to explode here, and when it does we're going to see some interesting cyberactions happen. The sooner the better if you ask me, because both our politicians and lawenforceres are very technically behind.
 
 
-5 Rank Up Rank Down
Dec 9, 2010
Scott, could you please ask Assange or the hackers that support him to shut down this idiot of a PPOO with christmas dump store?
 
 
Dec 9, 2010
maddog_uk_69: It'd be very unlikely that no unlikely events would ever occur.
 
 
 
Get the new Dilbert app!
Old Dilbert Blog