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My computer's memory fills up a few times a day, and then the system crashes. It doesn't seem to matter what applications I use. And closing applications doesn't free up memory. This has been true on every computer I have owned, both Macs and  PCs. Rebooting periodically is the only temporary fix. To which I say, "SERIOUSLY?? WTF???? IS THIS REALLY AN UNSOLVEABLE PROBLEM, LIKE FRICKIN' GRAVITY???"

So yesterday I did some searching and found online a piece of software that would allegedly monitor my memory use and allow me to free up the stranded parts when needed. It got excellent reviews from professionals in various magazines. The thing I knew for sure is that one of two things would happen:
  1. The software would do absolutely nothing.
  2. The software would crash my system.
On the plus side, it did not crash my system. But neither did it do anything. I just sent an e-mail to the support address to ask if the buttons are some sort of placebo or practical joke. I can press all sorts of buttons on their unfathomable interface and the little graph that shows my memory use stays exactly the same. And just to make things ironic, THE FRICKIN' THING USES MEMORY!!! It's like buying paint remover that is actually paint.

This leads me to my point. I think the problem with our economy is that most products are complete and utter crap. Suppose, for example, that I want to buy a shirt that looks okay on a guy my age. I have a choice of styles that include surfer dude, preppy douchebag, grandpa's barber, and human billboard. No one even bothers trying to make stylish clothes for the LARGEST SEGMENT OF THE POPULATION OF THE COUNTRY. Allow me to act surprised that Macy's is having trouble.

Try to buy some furniture. I dare you. It will take two months to arrive, if you're lucky. I am trying to figure out why no one jumps on the market opportunity to make furniture that can be delivered in only 6 weeks. Seriously. If the demand for frickin' chairs is that high, why aren't more people making them? Is EVERYONE busy making software that doesn't work?

How about my new printer? The box said it can fax, scan, copy, print, floss my teeth, whatever. Every time I want to print a page of text, I hold my breath and burn incense. It's an iffy proposition. I think the drivers actually rot. And God forbid I try to feed the device some important documents in the irrational hope of scanning or copying them. I kiss the documents goodbye before I send them to their destruction in the machine's bowels.

As I write this, I'm waiting for a response to why my memory-freeing software doesn't free any memory. I already know they will tell me to push exactly the buttons I already pushed, and when it doesn't work, they will act mystified and tell me they have never seen this issue before.

That's what's wrong with the economy.

 
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+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Apr 4, 2010
@gargamel9 if Photoshop's 'reserved' memory really does impact other programs while you are not using it. it is a sign that your OS's virtual memory management needs work.

Programs like the one Scott mentions are snake oil and do nothing useful, if they have any positive effect at all it is a strong indication that Windows VMM is crap. They exist because the programmer doesn't understand how virtual memory works... or they know that most people don't understand virtual memory and so sell them snake oil.

(What that program does allocate as much memory as the system has in terms of RAM, then touch every page of it, the only time this is even a remotely good idea is if you have something big open using RAM but you're about to start something else big (like say a game) and it will push everything running out to swap and your game may start faster since the system doesn't have swap while it's reading the game's data, they are otherwise useless and in fact are actively harmful to system performance)
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 22, 2010
I like the bitter.
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 18, 2010
ROFLMFAO.

Scott, funniest blog I've read for some time. Nice work, nothing like a good vent every now and then.

As far as the subject matter goes, it's not the economy, it's not the software, mate - it's YOU. face it, God, the master programmer, whatever, is taking the P155 out of you. You write cartoons about engineers and technology hates you. While you sleep at night, your blackberry; computer; home TV hub system and shopvac are all having a massive giggle in cyberspace about how easy you are to stuff around. Be careful, I think it's either the turn of the Blackberry or the blender.
 
 
-2 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 17, 2010
So in real life, you're like the PHB.
 
 
-10 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 16, 2010
And what do I get when I ask DODO brain to bug him for it? More ABUSE, that's what!!! So shut your mouths or I'll have your ugly lips sliced off for you. Just be happy I don't send some squatters to collect the debt for me... I'd give them all you stole exchange for the favor!
 
 
-15 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 16, 2010
As for people owing me money— what about all the new ***friends*** who borrowed money from my ex-business spartner, over 15 grand— who invested it in land for themselves and college courses, and musical instruments, that he sold for a profit, and only coughed up $1000.00 when I was in dire straights with 2 kids so we had to sell our car, because of all the *hit they had pouring out of their mouths. I was out there screaming and beating my chest for the Natives and that's what I get in return?!!! People passing around videos of me in my own bedroom with a legal husband of 14 years like I am nothing but a *ock sucker when I tried to save your *ucking lies?!!! On the phone with your women WARNING them; PLEADING with them to lay off the POISON!!!!!!!

That's how a lady talks to boys who RAPE her!!!!! Now go *uck yourselves or I'll have you SHOT. That guy said he was a Catholic, for Christ's sake!!!
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 16, 2010
Often computers have problems because of the applications people install. They grab "free" things to make life better. These free things only create problems. I've run computers for 23 year with little to no issues. Stick to the basics and use real programs an you will not have issues.

As for the rest of your comments. Right on. People are not held accountable for their actions anymore unless it was unintentional. If someone intentionally creates a problem the bleading hearts cry for them and say "it is not their fault." When someone makes a mistake they are hung to dry. (IMO)

Take a look at Obama's stupid comment about the Cambridge Police officer. It is obvious that he made a mistake but it was brushed off. Several (black) government officials jumped to comment and nothing happened. However a white cop that made a stupid comment (yes very stupid) lost his job. hmmm not fair.

You get what you pay for. Everyone wants more for less so companies have to higher cheaper labor. Do you know all you need is a GED to run a nuclear power plant? We need to get back to paying people what they are worth and charging for it as well.
 
 
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 16, 2010
I've never had Scott's exact problem here, but I know what he means about nothing ever working.

Every printer I've ever had has been much more hassle than a trip to a copying store even when it was working right, and even if nothing else went wrong, the ink dried up after a few months of disuse.

The only way I've ever found to "solve" any computer problem was to ask someone who spends 8 hours a day on that exact issue, and their solution usually involved several hours of research and deliberation, only to find an answer that could have been implemented instantly had they known about it.

What I'm saying is that it's no accident this post had so many upvotes: it's a common feeling that, as the landlord in Soylent Green said, "nothing ever works, you see. Not really." Technology promises alot, but overinvestment in complexity can produce diminishing returns.
 
 
Feb 15, 2010
If you have that much trouble with your computer, Scott, you are clearly a problem user.

After many, many years in support, I have learned a lot about computers and people. Sometimes the hardware or software is bad, but usually it is the people operating the computer that wreck it, and the reasons are typically one of these two:

1. The user thinks they might be able to 'fix' their 'slow' computer. Techniques employed include installing an application they found after 10 seconds of googling, upgrading some part on their PC, deleting registry keys, or folders, or files... possibly some other frivolous behavior.

2. The user has a bad habit of clicking on banner ads, clicking random links their friends or even strangers sent to them in e-mail, clicking on google search results without scrutinizing the URL (not all links so wise to click on, google does not filter out bad sites), installing butterfly screen savers and weather programs and other vaguely virus-like garbage like AOL.

An extremely powerful, rock-solid PC can be built for around $1400, and that would not include any software, so, you'd have to buy an OS, virus protection, and other apps on your own. I am not a huge fan of microsoft, but must admit, I have been running vista 64 bit with 12GB of ram for a year now, and I have not been able to slow it down even with big memory hogs like Bioshock, Grand Theft Auto 4, and even when opening multiple photoshop files larger than 100mb each. I am impressed.

How do you build a PC? Go to newegg, look up the newest parts and buy the ones with the highest number of good reviews- pretty simple.

And printers are the bane of any network admin. After five years in support, I can tell you the #1 complaint we got: "I can't print". Most of the time the answer was "Pull your head out of your...", but of course we never got to use that answer. Buy yourself an old Laserjet 4000 with network support for printing straight black and white docs immediately, pay some geek to come set it up, then print all the fancy stuff color/photo you need through Kinkos or a photo-printing service since, like most people, you rarely need a color copy of your amazon order confirmation page. USB printers that come with a barrel of features are junk most of the time, and their crummy support apps just bog your system down.
 
 
Feb 15, 2010
re "products are complete and utter crap:" We're on our third toaster in one month. They don't toast correctly. How hard is that? Of course, they're all made in China. That shouldn't make them bad, but I've been thinking: Do the Chinese toast? I've never seen toast in any Chinese restaurant I've been to, nor have I seen sliced bread in those restaurants. Someone may have hired the Chinese to make something they have no knowledge of. How would they even test it? Is there a toaster out there that's made in a land where people actually toast things?
 
 
-10 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 15, 2010
Another article of key interest from Britain's Daily Mail which, IMHO, deserves to be posted above the one I posted earlier if for no other reason, than it's undeniably detailed grasp of the medium:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1250944/Former-jockey-best-selling-author-Dick-Francis-dies-89.html#comments
 
 
Feb 15, 2010
For the unenlightened, here are some visuals for further illustration:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1251072/Bottoms-Paris-Hilton-shows-unusual-moves-promotes-new-Brazilian-beer-thats-think-shes-doing.html
 
 
-14 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 15, 2010
Why is it okay for Scott to talk about poo and not others? Seems to me if I get beat up for having a sexuality, then we may as well move forward with the female circumcision. The queen of England wears bubble gum pink doesn't mean she chews the stuff. What did we call that color before gay rights and candy were invented? People need to probe deeper before they censor others-- especially highly skilled visual artist who specialize in color theory. Or is string theory the only thing that matters in the children's entertainment field? Are we moving gowards puritanism? Is there no happy medium?!!!
 
 
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 15, 2010
I see the usual "Load linux" crowd is out in full force and while I do run linux from my home and work machines, I have been using it since 1995 which makes it a lot easier to use and understand. I defy any new user of linux to find out what programs are using which memory and how to stop them from running if they seem to be using to much. On top of which there is the compatibility issue with key software - things like adobe illustrator and countless others.

There is also a misconception that linux applications do not hog memory. They do. the only difference is that you can get rid of them and get your memory back. It's a manual process though. There is no golden application that will do it for you.

Just thought you should know that it is probably not in your best interest to try linux in the short term.
 
 
Feb 15, 2010
Is it a trick post to find out how many of your readers are Linux users?

Can we expect to see Linux related Dilbert strip?
 
 
-13 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 15, 2010
The entertainment industry is run by extreme left-wing elements, and I am center-to right in many, many issues. These women are trying to force me to disrobe before they allow me to get any funding! Wake up, people!!! Not all of us have the same values.
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 15, 2010
Amazingly, I don't see anyone suggesting that the problem may be with your hardware. I don't normally look for HW problems first (SW problems are far more likely), but my wife was recently having trouble with her system that I built for her a couple of years ago. I eliminated a bunch of crapware, but it was still behaving oddly with the occasional BSOD.

So I downloaded and ran Memtest86 , and lo and behold, her memory chips were failing dramatically -- starting from the very first test. I RMA'ed them (lifetime warranty), and just a few days ago installed the new ones.

No problems now.

Check your hardware. Memtest86 is pretty good, and your hard drive manufacturer almost certainly has a diagnostic utility you can download and run (hint: turn on S.M.A.R.T. in your bios). It's been my experience over 25 years of doing software development that problems that can't easily be attributed to a particular piece of software are usually due to hardware failures.

And to echo a couple of other posts: don't EVER install discs that come with printers and other such peripherals, and don't EVER install QuickTime. For all the good Mac software that Apple produces, they seem utterly incapable of producing decent Windows software. Personally, I think it's intentional.
 
 
-14 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 15, 2010
It's obvious I am just being used because I am too stupid to defend myself in court with no lawyer when I am worried all my furniture will be stolen by vandals.
 
 
-10 Rank Up Rank Down
Feb 15, 2010
I don't see anything changing here, guys. I am never going to drop 'em and I am in pain and you don't need to kill me— just come over to my house and help yourself to my records and my books and papers and give me a check and leave me in peace already. Not all of us are cut out for this scene.
 
 
Feb 15, 2010
I'll never forget my very first zip drive... It won a medal of honor for all the times it saved me losing important newspaper data for the publicity end of my business. I have a penchant for compact devices- they follow me everywhere and my wife, who schedules my trips and interviews, and basically runs every aspect of my life right down to when I wipe my ass, keeps buying me new gadgets for souvenir ever time I head out to the airport. Thing is, they are Low battery devices but I can't carry my HD with me, so I just use it to get the hard data onto my portables, who then kind of finish up the tail- end of my communications. Lots of time to kill on business travel!!!
 
 
 
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