Looking at the comments, it looks like we all want to be you. This is kinda fun - like the mashups.
First choice among the options: 99.9% Evil
To throw in my 2 cents - I enjoy Catbert because it gives you the opportunity to take a stab at HR - often the most dysfunctional of bureaucracies in our hallowed halls of cubicles.
How about, "Here to Serve You (endless misery)". Rather than standing at a hole (which I assume relates to the fact that HR is symbolically located in Hell), how about standing at his desk, staring you down, with his nameplate on the desk?"
If you want something from the people, you have to give back something from the people.
I assume the best chosen design will be sold at an obnoxiously high price in amazon and you
are going to get a cut of it. Since, we are helping you in the decision making process, unless i get
a cut of it (or atleast a free dilbert t-shirt) i am not commenting on which one is the best.