I like to spot sentences that have probably never been uttered. This hobby is like bird watching but without the inconvenience of the outdoors. The trick is that the unique sentences have to be natural, not just a bunch of random words strung together. Take for example the following question: Did you hear about the inflatable Swiss dog turd that attacked an orphanage? That sentence qualifies even though I wrote it myself, because the event actually happened.


Luckily no orphans were injured in the attack. And no one is more relieved, so to speak, than the artist who squeezed out that masterpiece. I mean, if just once in your entire life you create a huge inflatable turd that injures an orphan, it sort of erases anything else you might do. You'll always be that guy.

I wonder how you get rid of a huge inflatable turd when you no longer want it. Do you take it to the dump just to be ironic? Or do you rent it on weekends for kid parties?

I'd probably put stucco on it and make it my home. That way when company came over, and I hadn't bothered to clean up, I would just say, "I'm sorry our house looks like crap." Everyone would laugh and laugh, and not even care that the floor is seven layers of toys, clothing, and miscellaneous remote controls. Anyway, if you accept a dinner invitation inside a giant turd, you probably started out with low expectations.

And what if the inflatable dog turd gets punctured? Would the first person to notice exclaim "Holy crap!"? And if not, would that person regret the missed opportunity for the rest of his natural life? I know I would. I have trouble releasing that sort of thing. For me, it would be like training all my life for the Olympics and forgetting to set my alarm on the day of my event. It would haunt me.

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Aug 19, 2008
Damn - forgot the URL
Aug 19, 2008
I've been itching to see a picture of the "inflatable turd" and I think I just found one:
3rd picture down on the right.
Aug 15, 2008
omg, that gave me the best laugh I've had all week. thanks!
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 14, 2008
Local Police Chief comment... "Well you know, SH*T Happens!"
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 14, 2008
"Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain" is on audio? Well, now there's a chance I might read it. I know you said you recently had your voice box re-inserted. Was the reading pre-voicebox insertion? That would be kinda cool, having this weird whispery Scott Adams read his posts to you. Maybe too creepy.
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 14, 2008
Have you hired someone else to do your writing for you? It doesn't seem to be up to snuff.
Aug 14, 2008
We've played this game as parents. Everyone has things leftover from their childhood that they promise not to bring into adulthood (and invariably do). "Because I said so" is a popular one. However, as parents we end ups aying things we could never have anticipated, so began keeping up with them occasionally.

Stop licking the cat.

Pet your sister easy, like the cat.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 14, 2008
The answere to squirrelontv is that you can call anything art. Marcel Duchamp did just that by displaying an ordinary urinal in a gallery and shocked the world...50 years ago (give or take). The fact that an artist makes it and displays it as art makes it art.

Now, is it good art or bad art?
That's a whole different question, and not one that enough people think to ask.

-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 14, 2008
Wow...and 5 minutes before I read your post this morning I was thinking "what this world needs more of is inflatable dog turds"... amazing.

Here's one: "Mark my words Ricky, if you don't take a bath this year that scent of yours is gonna kill a sasquatch."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,402882,00.html - Video included.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 14, 2008
Macy's Thanksgiving day parade! Right between Snoopy and Charlie Brown. I can imagine Chuck stepping on it then rubbing his shoe on every other building.
Aug 14, 2008
It was actually an American turd and a Swiss orphage - now there's a metaphor waiting to happen.
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 13, 2008
So, instead of saying that you're full of sh*t, someone could say that your sh*t is full of you.
Aug 13, 2008
Today's comic was drawn in advance. Does this mean Scott Adams is psychic?
Aug 13, 2008
So, missing your opportunity to comment would be a bit like this guy?

Aug 13, 2008
First time I smiled all day :).
-4 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 13, 2008
All of you orphans get away from that screen door! You don't want to get freckles!

One of my personal goals was to utter or write a sentence that no one has ever written before. While not as funny as inflatable poo, it is rather nice I think. My unique phrase is "Freedom does not come with a 'safety' sticker on the side".


Mr Adams, I do not expect you to post this in your comments section and have fools think my political positions apply to you. I don't know how to handle any more than my 3 regular readers anyways. ;)
Sincerely, Jdude (I hope comments are still moderated otherwise I am going to get a bajillion hits and comments)
Aug 13, 2008
Where's a giant inflatable pooper-scooper when you need it?
Aug 13, 2008
Mary Ann Madden, New York Magazine in the 70s, had contests, one of which was greeting cards for unlikely occasions, like ``Saw your smoke, now you're Pope, congrats!''

Another one of these was the title of her series of contest collection books, ``Thank You for the Giant Sea Tortoise.''
Aug 13, 2008
Sentences that have never been uttered....
George Carlin (of blessed memory) had a segment on that one....

"As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to cut my d-ck off!"
"Honey, let's sell the children, move to Zanzibar, and begin taking opium rectally"
"Mom! I got a big date tonight, can I borrow a french tickler from you?

Check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X0F1Qjn0Ac

On the other hand, yours actually happened....
Aug 13, 2008
If it's inflatable, is it really a "sculpture"? This is where artists annoy me. They can do really stupid crap, like make an inflatable dog turd, and call it "art" and no one will dispute it, because art means different things to most people. I'll have to throw in a 667, and say that the majority of the people on earth think that's just stupid.

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