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The other day I overheard a conversation in which someone referred to one member of a coaching staff as "the black one." It struck me as a bit jarring, in the racist sense, but it was also the fastest way to make the identification. It made me wonder how people describe me when they're trying to save time. Something tells me I wouldn't like it.

But enough about me. How would someone describe you to a stranger if the goal were to help locate you in a crowded room? Be honest. Leave your comment below.

I have a half-hypothesis about how your answers will run. I'll tell you later. For now, leave a comment and tell me what shorthand (up to three descriptors) would describe you uniquely in a room full of people. Let's assume that the people in the room are a representative sample of your fellow citizens.

UPDATE: My hypothesis was that people would describe themselves using the same factors that single people most often look for in online dating. Women looking for men generally filter first for height and hair-sufficiency. Men looking for women generally filter first for weight. Yes, humans are shallow. But I don't think my hypothesis was quite validated.

I also expected lots of facial hair on the males reading this blog. That's a correlation I noticed about my readers years ago. I didn't expect so many male readers with long hair and so many red heads of both genders.



 
 
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Jul 22, 2011
BTW, thanks for adding data to support my theory: Large breasted women don't want to be stared at and so hide, either as a wallflower or in a crowd of other large breasted women.

When I go dancing, I'm almost always the first large breasted woman on the dance floor. The rest follow very quickly, before the song ends. If I'm the only large breasted woman in the room, jerks actually point me out to their friends. (What's really cool is, now and then, the friend looks to see and then is annoyed with his friend, making me think possibly he does not approve of treating me like an object.) I wear good foundation garments; I do not dance in attention drawing, arm-flinging fashions. I am big breasted; people notice. I am treated like a side show freak.
 
 
Jul 21, 2011
I sold something on Craigslist once and met the guy at a local grocery store parking lot. I told him I was the tall, skinny, white guy with a goatee. He said he'd be the short, fat guy. Funny how we were both so candid about it when it came down to a once-only meeting of strangers.
 
 
Jul 18, 2011

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Jul 16, 2011
I'm white, so I would imagine that among my fellow Utahns anyway there would be no need to mention race/ethnicity. Skinny pregnant woman comes to mind. Maybe "That pregnant woman unwisely choosing to wear one of her husband's t-shirts and a pair of overalls to this swanky dinner party. Hasn't she ever heard of maternity clothes?" Maybe even, "the pregnant lady, who looks like she is starving her fetus." I get a small minority of people, mostly strangers, saying things like, "you feed that baby." Hmmm, I might also get "that pregnant lady with the poofy brown hair, the one with the pointy elbows."
 
 
Jul 16, 2011
I am at my 40th high school reunion in Wisconsin. It would be the tall, big white guy in the corner.
 
 
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Jul 13, 2011
"The Extinguished-looking gentleman over there". That's how I am usually described, I believe. I would personally describe myself as: "Innocent bystander".
 
 
Jul 13, 2011
A JET Production - - Exactly! Scott wants to know - How would someone describe you to a stranger if the goal were to help locate you in a crowded room? ...what shorthand (up to three descriptors) would describe you uniquely in a room full of people.

I have very rarely been in a room with a woman whose breasts were equal to or larger than mine. Even at my family reunion, I stand out.

Most people have brownish hair, as do I, and I'm of average height. I suppose I might be the only woman in the room in olive colored slacks or a beige blouse, but that won't be what makes me stand out.

I'm not offended by the truth. And my black friends say that it depends on who is saying and how they are saying the word black.

Basically, if you would use the same tone to say their hair is black that you would use to say they are black, you shouldn't offend anyone.
 
 
Jul 13, 2011
@Pigsx1000
As one of the large breasted woman who commented here I just wanted to say, at work people do not refer to me like that (at least not where I can hear). Working in engineering, being a woman is novel enough to make you stand out in a crowd and be easy to point out. I know in other situations people have used the term busty or huge tracts of land or something like that to describe me. I am not offended by this any more than most bald or balding men I have known are really mad about being reffered to that way. It is a noticeable and prominent feature so an easy way to pick me out of a group of other women.
 
 
Jul 13, 2011
There are a lot of us short heavy guys here. I'd be short, heavy, glasses. Or maybe short, curly hair, Jewish-looking. I definitely wouldn't use the terms I'd select for online dating (sense of humor, for instance). Those qualities (or the qualities we think women might like in us) aren't visual identifiers. Or maybe there just aren't too many "tall, dark, and handsome" guys who read Dilbert!

Addressing the initial point of the blog, though--that we've now been conditioned to feel it's racist to describe someone by race--I'm amused when I'm watching MMA. (Boxing would be equally relevant.) There are two guys. Because of the weight divisions, they'll weigh just about the same. And because of body type, they'll usually be just about the same height. Sometimes they'll be wearing just about the same trunks. They'll wear identical gloves; the only difference will be that one will have blue tape securing the gloves and the other red. One might be wearing white trunks with a black stripe and the other wearing white trunks with a gray stripe. And they'll be moving around a lot; Fighter A will be on the left, then seconds later on the right.

But in identifying the fighters, the commentators refuse to say, !$%* is the black guy" or "YYY is the white guy" or "ZZZ is the Asian fighter." Instead, they have to say, !$%* is wearing the white trunks with the gray stripe and YYY is wearing the white trunks with the black stripe." It's then you wish you had an HD TV!
 
 
Jul 13, 2011
A few hundred years ago, when a slave escaped, there would be wanted posters made up and they would have the loveliest descriptions... rich mahogany, warm teak, dark walnut... there are so many shades of brown. Wood colors were the best known standard of labeling those shades. But, of course, you already knew the poster was referring to a person of African-American descent; it said Escaped Slave right at the top.

Our history would be kind of embarrassing if it weren't for the fact that every place on Earth has had slaves at one time or another.
 
 
Jul 13, 2011
I was once sat on some rocks on a remote beach in South Africa and 2 guys came around the corner and suddenly noticed me. They said to each other: "[it's a ] Mlungu.. ".

Being of sound mind I did not take offence that they referred to me by the useful racial description "white man". But i'm still nervous about describing them as "black".
 
 
Jul 13, 2011
I used to be the skinny guy with long hair and a beard. Now I'm the chubby, bald guy with a beard.

Scott, maybe you need to grow a beard to match your male readership.
 
 
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Jul 13, 2011
This is hard. I know people *always* recognize me easily, even ones I knew years ago... but I can't think of what they'd use. Perhaps I'd be "the tall, stubbly, kinda red-headed guy," since I'm a strawberry blond who's prone to 5 o'clock shadow.

What's really odd is that while I'm white, my boss is black, yet people come in all the time and ask if I'm him. This wouldn't be weird if his name was a common one like, say, James, but his name is definitely not a common one for Caucasians; I've *never* seen it come up. What I can't figure out is why anyone would expect a "Tyrone" or someone with the last name "Yamaguchi," etc. (names changed, but you get the idea) to be a white guy?
 
 
Jul 13, 2011
I guess we all do it, I'm the guy with the grey hair Hmm at least I have some :)

<a href="http://www.coverthypnosisguide.com">Colin</a>

 
 
Jul 13, 2011
That guy who looks like Brad Pitt, but slightly taller...
 
 
Jul 12, 2011
"bearded guy with the glasses" usually does it. If by some chance there should be another bearded guy with glasses in the room (which doesn't happen much in my social circles, for some reason), further comments might include a deeper description of the beard or my hair (both of which are on the wild side -- I'm one of your non-bald readers), or maybe my clothes.
 
 
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Jul 12, 2011
I am normally pointed out by name in places where I choose to be in.

On other occassions among strangers, the address depends on what type of room it is:

1. "Hey, number 106!" - if it is a prison or my high school

2. "Hi, Mister!" by a hooker or in the Church at the Sunday mass.

3. "Hi, Mister!" by the boss' secretary in the office

4. "'cuse me!" in a lift full of blondes

And so on...
 
 
Jul 12, 2011
There seems to be a significant number of women who say they might be described by someone trying to point them out as having "big boobs." As a man, I wouldn't refer to any woman offhandedly by mentioning her breasts, in any context, to a man or to a woman, because I feel that is easily viewed as (and definitely is, in many or most social contexts) offensive and objectificatory, and I just don't want to be those things. Are there men who certainly would and do point out someone by mentioning her breasts? In what contexts? Are there women who would and do?

It continues Scott's main question, though, but with sexist as opposed to racist connotations, and makes me consider why many of these other attributes, I don't immediately see any problem with and wouldn't think of as offensive.
 
 
Jul 12, 2011
Me describing myself: Short, bald, chubby guy.
Others describing me: Angry, sarcastic a-hole. (it's a gift).
 
 
Jul 12, 2011
The druggie, angry, weird looking guy

(People have actually described me like this when I'm in front of them)
 
 
 
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