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I'm one of those people who can't remember my own address half the time (true) but I can remember a joke forever. I will now test your joke I.Q. by giving you some punchlines and you can see how many of them you recognize from the joke.

1. It's not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?

2. Tuesday is your day in the barrel.

3. Would you hold this camel for me?

4. Keep the tip.

How did you do?

Add your own punchlines without jokes in comments.
 
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Dec 4, 2008
"That fool is out there picking watermelons"
"That's his a55hole, he can run like hell but is not used to those fast stops"
"but when that squirrel came back for the other nut..."
"Your dick is bigger than your brothers"
"First I told him I had a 14 inch dick, then I showed him"
"What action? I was just trying to get back on the bed!"
"The one with the ring, but I like your line of thinking"
"Beautiful, just f*(#ing beautiful"
"Should we tell him where the rocks are?"
"Having a yard sale"
"a lickalottapus"
"a liquorbox"
"I can clearly see your nuts"
"I'll have a beer and a mop"
"You got a drink named Steve?"
"I've always had them"
"5 minutes of piece and quiet"
"and that's how it's gonna stay until you change your line of thinking"
"good, lets go camping"
"kick his sister in the jaw"
"boss, u got nice house"
"now where's that fat b*&ch with the bad tooth"
"Frank, the dead one is full again"
"I get done and then wipe off on the curtains, now that get's her hot"
"what you don't like pizza?"

and that's just what I can remember sober!
Sorry if any where repeated, I skimmed the previous comments quickly...
 
 
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Dec 4, 2008
My joke IQ is apparently zero.
"were there any calls for me?"
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
[in French accent] ".. but that's not my dog"
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
"Why, am I sharp?"

"And the Cardinal says to the Pope, 'That guy must have seen you coming!'"

"Chunks is my dog."

"Hey, who's that up there with Ed?"
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
Stick a feather in your ass..., !$%*! of a day ain't it?
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
"I tried to shoot him but some idiot put blanks in this gun so I had to beat him to death w/the chair..."

"OH, THE HUGE MANATEE!!!"

"the day the Supreme Court upholds the right to assisted suicide will be the day <HMO of choice> announces they're relocating & outsourcing their oncology department to Huntsville Texas..."

o.k., the last one's self-contained but I've always like it & it's the only valid argument I've ever heard against it...
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
Help me find my car keys and we'll drive out
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
1) "Rectum? blew 'em clean off!"

2) "OK, but don't push me past my Mother's"

3) "In that case you'll have to write with your other hand."

 
 
Dec 4, 2008
You're scared?! I have to walk back alone!
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
I'm a big bear.
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
Hindemith?

You'd have to have an interest in music for this one.
(And no, just the name Hindemith isn't funny)
 
 
Dec 4, 2008
i'm not sure if i can fit another bun in my ass
 
 
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Dec 3, 2008
Then she stood up and the pill fell out.
 
 
Dec 3, 2008
BANG! "OK, what do I do next?"
 
 
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Dec 3, 2008

"Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
"I'm lookin' for the man who shot my pa"
"His lips are moving"
"Their personalities!"
"Good food, but no atmosphere"
"Let's go ride bikes!"
"The pig said 'No'"

"Dress her like an altar boy!"
"The poor monkey trying to put the cork back in"
And for my favorite "knock knock" joke, it's actually a tie between:
"Ima peesup"
and
"You go ahead and start it" (said at the very beginning)
 
 
Dec 3, 2008
Oh, one more.

"Okay, husband, get down on your knees and suck your wife's d***."
 
 
Dec 3, 2008
"Coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads."
 
 
Dec 3, 2008
Very many ages ago I wrote a random signature generator for USENET posts, probably one of a million who did so. Some of my favorite sources were punch lines, so I have the following still lingering around, lo these many years later:

I'm pretty sure there's more dark meat on a hampster
No, I'll just eat it right here.
One of the girls is a cannibal.
Never mind the roses, just read the card!
Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day.
Every day I get farther away from the paint can.
Because I want to gargle before she sits in it! (probably a variant of the nun joke by thatnerd)
Make me one with everything.
Time's fun when you're having flies.
With a pig that amazing, we're not going to eat him all at once, are we?
You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, but now you are a fish!
Oh that's just God. The guy thinks he's !$%*! Davis or something.
Surprise, surprise, surprise. That's not my finger either.
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Sadly my IQ is such that I can't recall more than a couple of those (but I can say I did recognize 2 of Scott's)

BTW Scott, good job driving registrations :-D
 
 
Dec 3, 2008
I can't remember a joke, or the punchline, 30 seconds after I've heard it. But I don't think I've ever heard a joke I didn't get. Weird. But my five year old son can remember knock-knocks and riddles he learned when he was three. Obviously not a genetic thing. You should see his delivery of "The Big Orange Head." He just kills... "and that's where things went horribly wrong -- I asked for a big orange head!"

Maybe because I've had him tell it a thousand times, it's the only joke and punch line I can remember. : )

...oh, and, "No, that's just ice cream" (blew a seal)

-joe
 
 
Dec 3, 2008
"Why the long face?"
 
 
 
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