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For years I have been trying to invent the ultimate Dilbert t-shirt slogan. Ideally, the text on the shirt should be memorable and funny, and work independent of the art treatment.

Today I'm calling on your collective marketing wisdom to help me narrow down my choices. I pulled some text from recent Dilbert comics that appear to have t-shirt potential. After I narrow down my choices from your comments, I'll pick three favorites to test on a new site called Eyecrowd, where people get paid for their opinions. You might want to check it out so you can stop giving away your opinions for nothing.

Okay, let's begin. Which of these slogans, derived from recent Dilbert comics, seems most marketable to you?

[Update: List is reorganized by length of slogan, and I dropped "Why do ghosts wear pants?"]

There's no kill switch on awesome.

Never mind. My phone took care of it.

Did you learn to debate on the Internet?

Self-respect is like a prison for the soul.

Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery.

I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference.
[Shorter version: I'm not lazy, I'm useless. Big difference.]

With any luck, your soul mate won't be perceptive.
[Shorter version: I hope your soul mate isn't perceptive.]

I can no longer resist the urge to text while you talk.
[Shorter version: I text while you talk at me.]

You might want to pick a defense that's less checkable.

[Shorter version: Try picking a defense that's less checkable.]

I'm toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society.

I tried to read your email but the signal-to-noise ratio was too low.
[Shorter version: Your signal-to-noise ratio is low]

I've decided to be more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success.
 
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Apr 12, 2012
Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery.

There are several ones that I found difficult to understand (as I'm a spanish guy) but the Goals one works well without context and being a non-English native one. Take that into account if you want to sell slogans worldwide.

Salud!
 
 
Apr 12, 2012
Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery.
 
 
Mar 23, 2012
"I've decided to be more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success."

That one is owned by Obama.
 
 
Mar 14, 2012
There's no kill switch on awesome.
-Good but not very dilbertish - don't think a person would look at that and think Dilbert


Did you learn to debate on the Internet?
-Excellent top 3
Self-respect is like a prison for the soul.
-Good 5th best
Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery.
-6th
I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference.
-7th

With any luck, your soul mate won't be perceptive.
-Love it but maybe not again very dilbertish - not in the dilbert wheelhouse

I can no longer resist the urge to text while you talk.
-Bad - don;t like the idea in general

You might want to pick a defense that's less checkable.
-Great - top 3

I'm toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society.
Top 3


I've decided to be more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success.
 
 
Mar 14, 2012
"I've decided to be more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success."

 
 
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Mar 14, 2012
I vote for "There is no kill switch on awesome"
... and 400 quatloos on the newcomers.
P.S.--methinks artwork of Wally with his coffee cup would keep the tee shirt from seeming too arrogant.
 
 
Mar 14, 2012
I think I'm relatively isolated in liking:
I've decided to be more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success

I would concede that this one needs a helping hand in terms of artwork. Otherwise killswitch is good.
 
 
Mar 14, 2012
on a T-shirt the 'lazt useless' one works better the other way round

I'm not useless, I'm lazy - BIG difference
 
 
Mar 14, 2012
No kill switch is a good line, but you would look conceited wearing it on a shirt. Perhaps it would work on a mug as it would only be seen by people who know you and get the irony.

The shirt I'd wear would just be mug shot type image of Dilbert with GFY underneath (Go F**k Yourself)
 
 
Mar 14, 2012
Order from favorite on down:

1)Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery
2)I text while you talk to me
3)Did you learn to debate on the Internet?

 
 
Mar 13, 2012
I'm not lazy; I'm useless.... Rings a bell

Im toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society.

This one would have dilbert on front with a graduation cap on his head, and a beer in his left hand.
 
 
Mar 13, 2012
All the shorter versions are worse than the originals. I stick with my original vote of "With any luck, your soulmate won't be perceptive." as best by far!
 
 
Mar 13, 2012
There's no kill switch on awesome.
Did you learn to debate on the Internet?
I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference.

(and I like the longer version of that one better.)
 
 
Mar 13, 2012
I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference.

because it's the funniest

OR

You're not lazy, you're useless. There's a big difference.

because it's just as funny and more likely that someone will wear it.
 
 
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Mar 13, 2012
Dear Mr Adams, please fix your RSS feed.

I am feeling Pointy-haired Boss enough to assume I am the first person to notice this, and Wally enough to be too lazy to check anyway. And Dogbert enough to try and get away with this with cute references to your characters.

Thank you.
 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Mar 13, 2012
I'm most jazzed by the idea that Eyecrowd is paying for opinions. I'm hoping this is the start of a movement towards paying for the commercial value of individual contributors on the internet.

My opinion on this list:

1. There's no kill switch on awesome.

(Love it, but wouldn't wear it. Come to think of it: Has anyone ever seen a geek wear his or her ego on a t-shirt? Seems like the kinds of people who wear "I'm awesome" shirts - would not get "kill switch".)

2. I can no longer resist the urge to text while you talk.

(I can picture this on possibly 90% of the teens I know. Full disclosure: My success rate in selecting clothing appreciated by teens is running somewhere around 3%.)

3. I'm toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society.
 
 
Mar 13, 2012
Oh my gosh, how can you stand writing for so many irritating readers (I include myself of course)? You, a fabulously successful cartoonist and humor writer, ask a bunch of engineers to do a simple task: choose. DO they choose? No, the great majority of posters re-write the lines! Engineers convinced they are funnier than you. Engineers simply cannot just do a job without snark or commentary on how the basic design is stupid. Amazing. I am glad it doesn't seem to bother you, but it would make me crazy!
 
 
Mar 13, 2012
Still like the kill switch but I like the shorter version of these as well:

I'm not lazy, I'm useless. Big difference.
I hope your soul mate isn't perceptive.

Do you need the "big difference" part? Regardless, I think the visuals will have a lot to do with which one works the best.
 
 
Mar 13, 2012
Never mind. My phone took care of it.
Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery
Self-respect is a prison for the soul
 
 
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Mar 13, 2012
Mr. Adams;

Good afternoon. I can see an image of Wally on the T shirt saying:"I've decided to be more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success.". This probably is the only vote for that phrase. But consider that the phrase is catchy and does have some (maybe minimal) potential. Have a grand day.

JAXID
 
 
 
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