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The hardest part about writing is capturing your own (or someone else's) inner thoughts. For example, if I ask you to tell me something funny or frustrating about your job, you'd give me tales of coworkers eating your food from the break room fridge, or tell me your boss is incompetent. But those aren't thoughts, just observations. We seem to store memories in terms of actions and some broad emotions, but not thoughts. And it is the thoughts you generally don't voice that make writing interesting.


Let's test this. In the comments section, tell me what you were DOING immediately before reading this blog, and also tell me what you were THINKING about while you did it. If you can do both of those things, you are halfway to being an interesting and humorous writer.


For example, "I was answering an e-mail from my coworker Karl while thinking he won't understand my answer because he has an unusually small head that probably can't hold much of a hat much less a brain."


Your turn.

 
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+2 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
I was observing my annoying supervisor organize vacation pictures on her desk and thinking to myself.. I wonder if she got that cold sore from whoring it up on her vacation.
 
 
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
Hmmm I was sitting in a budget meeting, listening to the drone of words wash over me, like the sound of cicadas on a summers day, and I was playing Meeting Bingo.

Thats the game where you have a list of the latest buzz words, and as each one is announced you cross if off your list. The first person to cross all their words off their list is the winner.

Whilst I was mindlessly playing, my eyes wandered around the room, and I started thinking what if each time some one said a Buzz Word, their head exploded, and I wondered just how long it would take the worst of the proponents of Buzz words to recognise cause and effect and modify their behaviour.

And how funny it would be towatch their struggle as the desparately sought to NOT utter yet another buzz word!
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
I was in a meeting, speaking volumes more than necessary in order to be able to zone out halfway through, when I looked at Phil and couldn't help but think about how incredibly Canadian he looks
 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
doing: Eating a salad

thinking: considering following through with my desire to leave work & walk around in Rocky Mountain National Park, it's soooo nice outside.

correlation between the two: null, I'm just a natural multi-tasker.
 
 
May 14, 2008
Charlesfunnguy wrote:

"Wow, golffan, that's really neat that you can peg people. I bet mom and dad are proud that you still live in the basement, too. Log in to flag this comment"

Wow, Chuckie. Living in my parent's basement? fofpmplol!!! That's just a top shelf rip. Creative/original. Do you have any others? I have an idea...I can peg people and you can generate such witticism. Let's team up; we'd make a formible team. Ripping good humour. We'll be the envy of the blog.

From now on, I'll forward my comments for your review. Can you proof this one for me? Feel free to clean it up and insert some of that rapier-like wit of yours.

"Scott, several people have commented on quality of your posts. I assume that, like me, they were use to your high quality blogging. While many enjoyed the content, I really enjoyed the quality comments that it generated. Pro or con your view. Like Jim Rome says "have a take and don't suck."

Chuck, let me know if this is up to your fine standards.
 
 
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
I was doing some research about a depressing subject and decided to lighten up at my favorite site some
I just discovered that:
5% of healthy people attempt suicide.
9 to 16% of people with more than one medical diagnoses commit suicide.
Risk increased by 1.3 with depression or alcoholism.
15%of all people who suffer from bipolar commit suicide.
60% are men.
Risk is higher by 15% after the age of 55.
There is a four fold rate if they have asthma or cancer.
The average is 3-7 most months but 20 out of 1000 during may
this data is from 20 years ago and I doubt it has improved much.
It occured to me If I believed in reincarnation. I'd have the potential to be 9 of Kevorkians best friends.
Come to think of it if one of those incarations was a cat with 9 lives He would have to give a volume discount.
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
I was sitting with a colleague reviewing a document she put together on the options and recommendations to resolve a particularly tough issue we are facing on the project. As we are talking I am telling her what a great job she's done here - thorough, well-reasoned, concise with a compelling return on investment (all true). I am thinking 2 things:
1) Even though this is clearly the best possible solution (and inexpensive), it is going to be a tough sell because the Exec team wants the report to conclude that there is no issue and everything is fine, and everything is the excact opposite of fine. Meeting with us at all is an inconvenience to them. There is golf to be played and entertaining to do. I am thinking about all of the hours over the next two weeks that I (and others) will need to spend putting together decks and socializing and building alignment to get approval for something that is a no-brainer. We make money in spite of ourselves.
2) Does she realize how incredibly attractive she is? almost distractingly so. Great geen eyes, bright smile; Tall, thin, athletic physique (she's a runner); very direct and confident, always looks right at you when talking to you; Very tastefully yet femininely dressed (which only makes it more attractive); one of the few women in the office who still wears a skirt; bare legs, expensive black heels with just the right amount of toe cleavage; Faint smell of perfume - makes you want to lean in closer; Does she have any idea what i'm thinking? Have to make sure she does not think I have been staring at her or checking her out (although women must know that all guys check out all women; women do it too, they are just much better at it than we are); Make sure she does not perceive anything inappropriate or feels uncomfortable; Wait, is that smoke coming out of my ears...?

Then, scanning the blogs:
- Elizabeth wins most interesting; Of all the posts, she is the one I'd want to have a conversation with. That is one heck of a nut to be rolling around - getting covered in various body fluids for cash! Her thought process is so different from my own that I would want hear more about that.
- Wow, there are a lot of folks spending a lot of time thinking about ways to waste time/avoid work!
 
 
May 14, 2008
I am running my morning reports and thinking about my coffee cup and wondering why the printer only seems to jam when running 350 copies of something and run perfectly well when i print one page. Plus my thoughts seem to keep wandering to the fact that I am too tired to be doing anything productive at the moment.
 
 
May 14, 2008
Just before reading your blog, I was writing my own blog, http://jurassicbark.blogspot.com, and I was thinking, why doesn't anyone care? I am trying to warn people, before it is too late, but no one seems to care.
 
 
May 14, 2008
I grabbed my mug full of English tea with the left hand, looked at the pieces of mascarpone swimming in the tea (the nearest replacement for Cornish clotted cream you can get in Germany) and thought that, if the new employee from marketing I just talked to (and who always reminds me of Dolores Umbridge with her pink jacket and her permanent smile) could see that she would run from my office uttering gurgling noises.
 
 
-2 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
I was checking my email at work and thinking about a privacy fence I am installing and wondering if I will ever finish it.
 
 
May 14, 2008
I was watching kittens on a treadmill on bestofyoutube.com. I was thinking, "what are those cats thinking?"
 
 
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
Just prior to this reading "the daily strip" I was emailing a girl I have met on line, she is a German girl, who has relocated to the United States, but is on a textile buying trip to Western Africa. She is almost 19 years younger than I am, and I was really trying to decide what I had to say to her to get her to spend a weekend with me.
 
 
May 14, 2008
I was clicking through my RSS feeds for the morning and had gotten to Macworld. There was a story about another iPod Touch case. Which always leads me to this train of thought...

Why can't someone design an iPod Touch case that protects the iPod from both scratches and the frequent pull the thing off my desk when the earbud wires get tangled in my chair arms moments that also has a stand for video view AND has storage for the earbuds, so they don't get all tangled up in my laptop bag or purse? I can't be the only person that wants this. Add some slots for ID/credit cards and a removable wrist strap and belt clip, so you could use it either way and it would be perfect. Clearly I am a genius of design and should quit my job and design iPod cases.
 
 
May 14, 2008
I was clicking on the link from my blogroll to come here and I rememberd that like the absentminded tard that I am, I keep forgetting to update the link to the new dilbert.com/blog/ location.
 
 
May 14, 2008
I red the latest Dilbert comic and immediately thought that Scott is getting a bit repetitive. I remember that there has already been strips where Carol leaves the office when someone is waiting for her to do something and Ashok was similarly clueless in the previous strip. Then I thought that I am getting addicted to commenting everything in the Internet and whining makes a dull comment anyway.

I decided to try to be witty and made my comment in the form of a mashup strip where Ashok is having a deja vu. Then I felt overwhelming need to complain about how mashup flash widget is somehow coded to be keymap specific because I was unable to write a question mark or deja with those marks on top of e and a.
Now I am happy that your blog gave me perfect reason to voice my complaints.
 
 
May 14, 2008
I was doing a quiz on "What's your parenting style?" (hypothetically of course, since I don't have kids), and contemplating (with reference to my nightmarish babysitting experience last night) whether I would end up killing my future offspring in a fit of rage one day.

Pretty warped, huh?
 
 
May 14, 2008
Dear Scott;

After quite some trouble trying to access even TRYING to leave a comment....

My comment seems useless now.

I don't appreciate the "Dilbert Beta"... it takes too long, and I can usually read the four panels before it properly comes up anyway. (yes, I can "speed read")

After reading the strip from day one, I will NEVER read Dilbert again... I shall take several hundred people with me (I hope).

Betcha don't respond/post to this one! ... and that's fine... Be careful of "the little readers" Mr. Adams.
 
 
May 14, 2008
I was talking with tech support because our computers crashed and thinking...f*cking awesome I can't wait to see the look on her (da boss) face when she realizes that her insane level of incompetence has created such a fun and wonderful problem. Then I thought...damn im gonna get blamed for this...i need a new job.
 
 
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 14, 2008
I was sleeping, dreaming I was Zelda, and I died, but I had a fairy close to me, and they brought me into final fantasy, which was really awesome, though I couldn't open my eyes.
Oh no wait, after that, I dreamed I forgot to study for an exam because of procrastination... this is like the 30th time I've had this dream. I must be feeling quite guilty.
 
 
 
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