The hardest part about writing is capturing your own (or someone else's) inner thoughts. For example, if I ask you to tell me something funny or frustrating about your job, you'd give me tales of coworkers eating your food from the break room fridge, or tell me your boss is incompetent. But those aren't thoughts, just observations. We seem to store memories in terms of actions and some broad emotions, but not thoughts. And it is the thoughts you generally don't voice that make writing interesting.

Let's test this. In the comments section, tell me what you were DOING immediately before reading this blog, and also tell me what you were THINKING about while you did it. If you can do both of those things, you are halfway to being an interesting and humorous writer.

For example, "I was answering an e-mail from my coworker Karl while thinking he won't understand my answer because he has an unusually small head that probably can't hold much of a hat much less a brain."

Your turn.

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May 13, 2008
I was reading the comments about your last blog entry.

I was thinking that most "dogs only" people(as opposed to pet lovers) are desperate for attention and that's why they pick dogs over cats. Makes them feel important.

Lazy Boy
May 13, 2008
So let's see, where to begin... oh yeah...

Just before reading this blog post I was reading the past couple days of the Dilbert strips, thinking about whether or not I had anything witty to say about them on my blog. Thought, Sunday's strip reminds me that I need to download an updated Visio viewer since my version of Visio 2002 doesn't like to open Visio 2003 files, but nah nothing witty, wonder what Scott's up to these days? Headed on over here while thinking that I really need to pay a couple bills, call the college about some courses I want to take, and wondering if I should ask for more work or continue to waste time today. Then I thought, crap, BILLMUC is gonna try to call me shortly about work.

Oh look, Scott wants to know what we're thinking... hmm... ya really want to know? I was thinking that I was just thinking this morning about being much more candid with my diary and truly writing out my thoughts. Then I was thinking that it's really hard to get any "journal" time when you work 3 jobs, live with 2 other people, and can barely remember what the date is without glancing at a calendar every 5 minutes to remind yourself that yes, you do have to work tonight, and no, you can't go home and work on the new baby blanket your making for your step-sister...... rats.

Ok, enough thinking, way too many random thoughts... oh wait, that thought about the hubby was definitely worth thinking. <evil grin>

Ok, ok, I'll tell ya what BILLMUC means:
B rainless
I mbecilic
L udicrous
M indless
M oronic
U nintelligent
C retin

Yeah, definitely had waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on my hands that day. A thesaurus is a wonderful thing. I was sick of the crap e-mails I was getting from one of the bosses I support.... lemme just say that he seriously IS the pointy-haired manager. For reference, April 6th and 7th summed up EXACTLY what I've been dealing with for the past 10 months...... I really need a vacation!
May 13, 2008
I read daily a list of around 80 comics. The comic before Dilbert and this blog is "Dick Tracy." I was thinking of how stupid the transitions for each storyline in that comic is. Currently Dick Tracy is reviewing a new recruit when he gets a phone call from his wife, and in the last panel says, "What's wrong? You're HYSTERICAL!" I was wondering what joke she told, and what would be funny enough to make Dick Tracy's poorly-drawn block-head to laugh. Then I wondered if he had found a portrait of her drawn in a disgusting manner and was 10 minutes away from being kidnapped and told she could save the world by producing naughty videos or something similar. Then that reminded me of how terrible the last storyline was and how the villain kidnapped the banker, telling him he could "Make the dollar worth more," and how he told the kidnapped chief of police that she could "Eliminate crime," and then said, "Now DO IT!" Because it's really that simple.

Anyway, this probably makes sense if you too read this horrific comic strip.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 13, 2008
I was Googling for images of Jenna Bush, while thinking... the same things you're thinking right now.
I'll list them:
"Jenna Bush.. So, is that like, George Bush's daughter?"
"I kind of think I know what she looks like..."
"Oh, no I was thinking of the other one"
0 Rank Up Rank Down
May 13, 2008
Scott, I was signing up for your site so I could leave a comment. When I got to the part about activating my account, I was wondering what percentage of Dilbert readers, presumably smarter than the general population, flubs the activation. On our own website, about 50% of people screw up and remain "pending members" forever. It is very, very sad!
May 13, 2008
I was creating a report while thinking that it will either never get looked at beyond the first time submission or due to erroneous communication (on there part) will need to be completely redone because it's not what they want. I feel really bad about that. No seriously. I do. Well, maybe I don't.
May 13, 2008
I just finished sharing today's "Pearls Before Swine" comic with my coworkers, and thinking about how today's joke could be used if I ever visit an aquarium. It started as a thought of me with my kids, and i would tell the joke somehow, and they wouldn't get it. But then i added my parents along, to have someone in my family that would. Because I was certain in my mind that my wife would not get it either.
May 13, 2008
I was in class making annoying noises while I thought how stupid my classmates were as they argued angrily that they hadn't screamed obscenities (they did). All the while I found their garbled shouting to be a sign of their extremely large yet empty bubble heads and the teacher's arguing to be a sign of his need to return to the fourth grade as "special" student so he can see that acting like an idiot turns you into an idiot.
May 13, 2008
I was reading a firewall message in my browser that came up when I tried to access a website that was blocked by my network admin. I imagined an IT admin, sitting in a basement, with !$%*! hair, too big for his chair, too busy to bathe, sipping his Mountain Dew, reading an email message saying someone tried to access a blocked website, and promply adding the website address to his personal favorites list.
May 13, 2008
I was reading The Register about the Welsh Darth Vader actor assaulting a couple of kids while dressed as... Darth Vader. I was thinking whether it would be worth phoning a girl I am totally infatuated with to see if she had time to revise for an exam that we have in two days(first year psychology since you ask). Decided against it because she never answers my messages. Then I read this post, but still continued to think about her. Now I know you were looking for something that would make a funny story, but no one could make a comedy about a guy trying to get a girl. That's the kind of thing that writers, let's say movie writers for instance, just aren't interested in.

First person to state the obvious buys the drinks.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 13, 2008
I was trying to download updates for my Microsoft Word, thinking why I was such a dumbass, buying a HP peice of crap and why the tightwads at Microsoft can't make their software work.
May 13, 2008
I was fishing, and thinking that the fish were probably taking it easy while the sun was out and would be back this evening. Damn fish, always lazing about when there's bait to be eaten.
May 13, 2008
I was watching the lastest dilbert animation while wondering if taking amounts of methane will really produce a decent power source
May 13, 2008
I was trying to solve yet another fundamental problem with a Microsoft product (Sharepoint Portal Server 2003), while wondering if the problem was actually worth solving. I am simultaneously hoping that one of my many friendly office acquaintences will stay away long enough for my ham-egg-and-cheese-croissant-inspired flatulence to dissipate into a less identifiable funk.
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 13, 2008
I was clicking through the multitude of tabs in Firefox, reading my regular selection of morning news sites. As I neared the Dilbert Blog tab, I started wondering if Scott payed attention to my comment yesterday and if I might be so lucky as to, in x months, see a Dilbert strip about weapons of mouse destruction.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 13, 2008
I was checking my fantasy baseball team and noticed that two guys had changed their team names to reflect that they had been involved in several arguments lately about stupid things so I was considering changing my team's name to something like "My Pitchers Couldn't Throw a Game of Checkers" or something like that.
May 13, 2008
My dad is retiring from work in a couple of months and I was looking through ebay in the hope of inspiration. It's a labyrinth. I looked at German football (soccer) shirts instead. What are you supposed to get someone as a retirement gift? Help!
May 13, 2008
I was trying to pick a new album to listen to on my iPod when I realized that going from Rage Against The Machine to Richie Havens was probably an odd transition. And then I thought about how I probably wouldn't want to hang out with either artists..
May 13, 2008
Also... I thought the comments were to be sorted by popularity?

May 13, 2008
OK. I am siiting in my office with the glass door shut...legs stretched out...with lots of papers on my desk. I am surfing the net and wondering if I look busy to passers by. I wonder if the I.T. guy knows how time I spend on the net. Wonder if he enjoys looking at what I and others look at. He might know more about us than know. Wonder if he thinks he has us all figured out. He has alot of power in the office. He can get you fired for unauthorized emails, maybe some questionable web content. He can get you sick. Goes from keyboard to keyboard passing all the germs. I should have him scrub in before he touches my keyboard.
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