Search Results for "dilbert's mental health"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #thinking, #mental energy, #executive attention, #brain network, #dangerous territory, #surpasses last remnets, #sociala awreness, #misread social cues

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Wally: He transferred all of his mental energy to the executive attention network of his brain to solve a problem. This is dangerous territory for an engineer because it suppresses the last remnants of his social awareness. Expect him to misread social cues. Dilbert: They're here to kill me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2014's comic on:


Tags #executives, #respect, #prototype, #economical, #mental illness, #level conscious

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CEO: Your prototype will never economical. Dilbert: Certainty about the future is a sign of mental illness. CEO: Try to be more level-conscious. Dilbert: Yes, Your Highness.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #mental health, #work ethic, #bad attitude, #70 hr. wk.week, #hire insane, #whistle, #happy tune

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Boss: You have a bad attitude lately. Alice: You made me work 70 hours this week. If you want people who work for free and are happy about it, hire the insane. Boss: I tried that, but I got the wrong kind. Alice: I'll whistle a happy tune if you go away.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2014's comic on:


Tags #studies, #healthy exercise, #healthier lifestyle, #poor health, #ruin meeting, #attend stupid meetings

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CEO: Studies show that people who exercise are healthier. Wally: That's because people who are in poor health don't exercise. CEO: Why does it seem as if you ruin every meeting? Wally: Is it because I only attend the ones that are stupid?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #illness, #stress, #culture of consulting fiorms, #flat linig, #false larm, #graphs

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Consultant: I haven't slept since October because the culture of consulting firms is anti-health. I'm flat-lining! False alarm. I'm back. Who wants to make some graphs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2014's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #brain wash, #company profits, #more imprtant, #employers engagement, #12 hour days, #work for money

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Catbert: I'm going to brainwash you to believe company profits are more important than your health. It's called "employee engagement," and it will make you work 12-hour days while thinking you enjoy every minute of it. Dilbert: Can I just work for money? Catbert: Why are you being a jerk about this?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2014's comic on:


Tags #death & dying, #inventions, #health directive, #technological progress, #transhumanism, #kill me, #robot body forever, #make painful

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Dilbert: I'm updating my health directive to account for technological progress. When the age of transhumanism is upon us, I want you to kill me so I don't live forever in a robot body. Dogbert: Sure. Can I make it painful? Dilbert: Why would you even ask that?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employees, #mental health, #vision not money, #mental problems, #low self esteem, #performance review

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Boss: We need employees that are motivated by our vision, not by money. Catbert: Are we looking for any other mental problems, or just that one? Boss: I"m also a big fan of low self-esteem. It comes in handy at performance review time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2014's comic on:


Tags #human body, #love, #rodents, #hugs, #without hassle, #oxytocin, #levels, #cuddles

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Wally: I want the health benefits of hugging without the hassle of a relationship. This rat is like a patch that increases my ocytocin levels. Rat: I thought we were in love. Wally: That's your oxytocin talking.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #illness, #laziness, #sitting disease, #sit all day, #bad health, #safety more eimportant, #drink coffee instead

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Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.