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Asok Needs Money And Social Life

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Asok Needs Money And Social Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #ride share, #rideshare, #uber, #driver, #taxi, #job, #business

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Asok: I have no social life and I need extra money. What should I do? Wally: You're one Prius away from being an Uber driver. Narrator: Continued.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #quality, #work ethic, #deadlines, #expectations, #speed, #trade off

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Boss: When will you have that done? Dilbert: Two weeks. Boss: Can you do it faster? Dilbert: Yes. All I need to do is lower the quality. Dilbert: Tell me what your minimum acceptable quality level is and I'll tell you when you can have it. Boss: I want it in one week. Dilbert: I can do that at 50 percent of planned quality. Boss: Why does it feel as if I'm not really managing anything here? Dilbert: Maybe you could go manage someone else now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm doing my job now. Dilbert: Is it your job to prevent me from working?

Dilbert Becomes Quasimodo

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Dilbert Becomes Quasimodo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #hunchback, #posture, #slouch, #attitude, #psychology

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Dilbert: This job is turning me into Quasimodo. Tina: Is it mostly a posture thing, or do you have some of the Quasi's attitude as well? Dilbert; What's wrong with my posture? Tina: I could ask you what's wrong with his attitude.

Robot With No Freedom

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Robot With No Freedom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2016's comic on:


Tags #freedom, #technology, #robots, #existentialism, #job, #employment, #philosophy, #business

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Dilbert: What does it feel like to be a robot with no freedom? Robot: I feel the same as you, but with a greater awareness of my condition. Dilbert: I have to run to another meeting. Robot: Enjoy your freedom.

How Work Is Going

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How Work Is Going - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work, #existence, #happiness, #fulfillment, #frustration, #job, #business, #psychology

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Dogbert: How was work? Dilbert: Are you being sarcastic? You know my life is an endless string of useless tasks orchestrated by idiots. Why do you even ask? Dogbert: I like hearing it? Dilbert: Your honesty is not refreshing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #justice, #trial, #jury duty, #laziness, #lazy, #juror, #legal system

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Wally: I got called for jury duty. I'll probably be gone for weeks. I think I would be a good juror. As I understand the job, you sit in a chair doing nothing for hours. Boss: You're supposed to pay attention to the trial. Wally: That's what the other eleven people are for. There's a lot of redundancy in the system. Time to serve up some justice.

That's Motivation Not Stalking

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That's Motivation Not Stalking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #compliment, #managers, #jargon, #sincerity, #insincere, #motivation, #motivate, #annoyance, #frustration

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Boss: Alice, you're doing a great job and the company values you. Alice: Your insincere management babble is making me uncomfortable. Boss: That's motivation you're feeling. Alice: I'm getting more of a stalker vibe.

Team Interview

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Team Interview - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #managers, #interviews, #employment, #honesty, #candor, #warning

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Team Interview. Dilbert: To be perfectly honest, Bob, you are unqualified to work here. Bob: Your boss already hired me. He told me to talk to you so you'd feel included in the decision. Wait... did I miss a huge red flag? Dilbert: We all did. Welcome to the team.

How It Feels To Never Accomplish

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How It Feels To Never Accomplish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #perspective, #happiness, #satisfaction, #psychology

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Dilbert: What's it like to never feel the satisfaction of a job well done? Wally: It's even better than you'd think! Dilbert: We might not be on the same page here. Wally: I hope your page feels as good as mine.

The Cause Of Human Motivation

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The Cause Of Human Motivation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2015's comic on:


Tags #motivation, #cause and effect, #trick, #deception, #logic, #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: Do you believe human motivation is the product of a person's genes or the environment? Boss: Both. Duh. Anyway, I asked you here to discuss your terrible job performance. Wally: We just did. You said it isn't my fault.