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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #boss brain, #profitable, #cut costs, #selling products

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"The boss's brain." "Hummm." "Theoretically, if I cut costs enough we'll be profitable without selling any products." "How do they get the ink in these things?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dogbert, #consultant, #right-brain, #potential, #employees, #creative, #answers, #left-brain, #quantitative, #analysis, #stem, #meetings

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk and says, "As your consultant I'll be able to unleash right-brain potential in your employees." Dogbert continues, "They'll learn to find creative answers, not just rely on left-brain quantitative analysis." The Boss asks, "Which part of the brain do we use for meetings?" Dogbert replies, "That would be the stem."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 1998's comic on:


Tags #boss in hospital, #no brain function, #still talking, #double length meetings, #accomplish twice as much

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The boss lies in a hospital bed. The boss is hooked up to complicated looking machine. A docter stands next to the machine. The doctor says, "The accident left him with no brain function whatsoever." The doctor says, "But that hasn't stopped him from talking." Dilbert says, "I'll drive him back to work." Dilbert drives the Boss. The Boss says, "If I double the length of our staff meetings, we'll accomplish twice as much!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 1995's comic on:


Tags #worked all night, #presentation package, #date on page, #color transparencies, #no reason to date, #clutter page, #dumb idea by boss, #no calendars, #brain exploded, #february 30th

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I worked all night but I finished the presentation package you wanted." The Boss looks at a transparency and says, "Put the presentation date on each page." Dilbert says, "Those are color transparencies. It would take hours and cost hundreds of dollars to reprint them." Dilbert continues, "There's no reason to date them. In fact, it would limit future use and clutter the page." Dilbert continues, "But since you're incapable of admitting error . . ." Dilbert bows and continues, "I eagerly await your bizarre, other-worldly explanation for putting the date on each page." The Boss says, "Some people might not have calendars and we have to make sure it's not a holiday." There is an explosion. A cloud of smoke hovers where Dilbert's head should be. Dilbert says, "Ouch. My brain exploded." The Boss says, "The first presentation is February 30th . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #imagination, #experince, #email, #boss, #hurts brain, #think about it, #team players, #new projects, #form of evil, #people squander it

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Asok says, "Is it my imagination or am I doing your job, plus mine?" Wally says, "That's not your imagination, Asok." Wally says, "It's a little thing I call experience." Wally says, "Once a week, I e-mail our pointy-haired boss and ask him a question." Wally says, "I make the question so complicated that it hurts his brain." The Boss says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Wally says, "He'll spend the rest of the week avoiding me so he doesn't need to think about it." Wally says, "Meanwhile he seeks out team players and hammers them with new projects." Asok says, "So... experience is a form of evil?" Wally says, "Not always. Some people squander it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2007's comic on:


Tags #changes, #pension plan, #company wide, #email, #read email, #compulsion, #details, #engineers, #brain, #best meeting, #humiliate boss, #called out

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The Boss: "I called this meeting to discuss the changes to the pension plan." Alice: "We already saw the company-wide e-mail about the changes." Dilbert: "And we're all engineers, so we understand the details better than you do." Alice: "I'll bet you intend to waste our time by reading the e-mail to us." ask: "You can't stop yourself. it's some sort of compulsion." Alice: "If you read that e-mail, it's proof that something is wrong with your brain." The Boss: "Can't...resist...reading...e-mail." "GAAA!!!" Alice & Dilbert: "Best meeting ever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2007's comic on:


Tags #order from boss, #reptilian brain, #not apparent, #move cubicle, #closer to department

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The boss: "Alice, I want you to move to a cubicle closer to the rest of the department." Alice: "Is there a reason that isn't apparent, or is this coming from the reptilian part of your brain?" The boss: "How would you know?" Alice: "That's a surprisingly good point."

Brain Escapes Ear Holes

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Brain Escapes Ear Holes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bored, #boredom, #brain, #menial

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Boss: I need you to research this. Dilbert: Uh-oh. This task is so boring that I"m worried my brain will try to escape out of my ear holes. Boss: That's not a real thing, is it? Dilbert: Ow! It's starting!

Brain Scan

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Brain Scan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2017's comic on:


Tags #brain, #thinking, #cognition, #personality, #abnormality, #psychology

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Wally: My doctor says my laziness is caused by a brain abnormality. Dilbert: Doesn't everyone in the world have a unique brain that determines what they do? Boss: Is he right about that? Wally: I'd have to see his brain scan. Sounds like a tumor.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #exhaustion / tiredness, #office workers, #peak efficeincy, #brain, #peak effiency, #not working

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Dilbert: My brain isn't working at its peak efficiency this afternoon. Common sense says I should go home early to avoid making any mistakes that would be bad for the company. Unless... nothing I... do is important. Boss: Sounds like your brain is back to its peak efficiency.