Search Results for "collateral damage"
Share August 05, 2016's comic on:
Boss: How's the drone defense shield design coming along? Dilbert: Super. The only risk is that it will kill every bird in the sky on day one. Boss: Don't birds have feet? They can just walk. Dilbert: I'll add that to the slide deck.
Share September 15, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert stands in his Mom's living room and looks at the ceiling. Dilbert says, "I see some water damage on your ceiling, mom." Dilmom says, "What should I do?" Dilbert says, "That's usuall the first sign that the roof will collapse." Dilbert says, "Well, if you hear any strange sounds, you might want to leap out a window."
Share March 26, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: Your leadership made our robot disgruntled. Dilbert: His warranty only covers water damage and mechanical failure. It doesn't cover bad management. The Boss: I don't feel good about this, but its the only way to get you replaced under warranty.
Share March 27, 2013's comic on:
The boss: Your warranty doesn't cover a bad attitude, but it does cover water damage. Dont take this personally, I just need to slowly kill you with a forceful jet of water. SLOOSH! Dilbert: Why is the sky full of military drones? The boss: How took it personally.
Share January 16, 1990's comic on:
Dogbert sits in the chair and Dilbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert asks, "Can't I talk you out of becoming a substitute teacher?" Dogbert replies, "Don't worry." Dogbert continues, "I won't damage the little tykes." The caption says, "Day one." Dogbert stands in front of a blackboard and says, "Good morning, children. I'm Mr. Dogbert." A student asks, "Are you flammable?"
Share September 22, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert arrives at home with burned clothes and clouds of smoke rising from his head. Dilbert asks, "Dogbert, do you know how my light pointer pen could have gotten set to maximum power?" Dogbert replies, "You never seem to grasp the humor in these situations. It's not as if you caused any permanent damage in the office." Dilbert says, "Actually, I wasted a temp named Carl in the next office." Dogbert says, "A temp - my point exactly."
Share July 15, 1994's comic on:
"I hear you need a carpool urgently." "No, I need 'carpal tunnel surgery'." "The repetitive motion of typing has caused permanent damage. I have to wear braces until the surgery." "There's no room in my carpool."
Share August 02, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert and Dilbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "Nature is so wonderful . . ." Dilbert continues, "They say we don't leave the planet to future generations, we borrow it from our children." Dogbert says, "It's even better than that." Dogbert continues, "WE don't have children, so we're borrowing the planet from complete strangers!" Dogbert continues, "And there's no collateral. We can use up the planet, have great lives and leave an empty smoking shell to the strangers!" Dogbert continues, "I tell you, people have completely overlooked the positive side of this environment situation." Dilbert says, "But someday I WANT to have children." Dogbert replies, "Let's hope they're not as selfish as you."
Share July 13, 1999's comic on:
Caption: "Dogbert gets a loan" Dogbert sits across the desk from a bank executive. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "I plan to buy all the copies of hte book I authored, thus making it a bestseller." Dogbert says, "And I'd like to use your house as collateral. Unless it's a dump." The banker says, "How are you planning to pay us back?" dogbert says, "Do you take books?"
Share December 28, 2000's comic on:
Asok the Intern watches Wally taping a pencil to the hand of The Boss who is comatose. Wally says, "I'll tape a pencil to his hand and use it to sign off on a raise for me." Asok the Intern says to Wally, "That would be so unethical... hiccup. May I have ten percent?" Wally works on getting the pencil into the comatose Boss' hand as Asok says, "That hiccup damaged my moral compass."