Search Results for "monitor"
Share December 15, 2009's comic on:
The Printer says, "Hummm" Dilbert says, "After you punched that monitor, the broken printer started working." Alice says, "They were on the same network. Word gets around." Theprinter says, "Please don't hurt me." Alice says, "And you don't need passwords for a while."
Share November 15, 2017's comic on:
Share November 17, 2017's comic on:
Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.
Share November 18, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: According to your employee health monitor, your lack of sleep last night is hampering your mental functions. Let's end the meeting and try again when your brain is working better. Man: I don't understand. Dilbert: That is consistent with the data.
Share August 31, 1991's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We've addressed your concern about the potential safety hazard of computer terminal radiation." An air bag explodes out of a computer monitor and knocks Dilbert off his feet. Dilbert lies in a hole in the wall. A scientist with a clipboard says, "Air bags -- their time has come."
Share April 11, 1992's comic on:
A woman says to Dilbert, "So, you're temporarily assigned to marketing and Brent went to engineering?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah . . ." In engineering, Brent points to a computer and asks, "What kind of microwave oven is this?" Wally replies, "That's a fifty MIP Sparc workstation, Brent." Brent places a croissant on the monitor and thinks, "In other words, it's going to take FOREVER to warm my croissant."
Share July 17, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert says to the garbage man, "I've been miserable since I made my fortune in the stock market . . ." The garbage man replies, "It's the 'Law of Found Money.' Nature won't allow us to keep money we find on the ground or win by chance. Don't resist; let your intuition guide you." Dilbert stands in a computer retail store writing a check. He asks the salesclerk, "This comes with a color monitor, right?" The salesperson stands in front of a supercomputer labeled, "Gray 9. Only $10,000,000."
Share July 20, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a desk and works on his supercomputer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm using my new supercomputer to create a model that can predict your entire life." Dilbert continues, "You see, everything, including your brain chemistry, is subject to predictable patterns of cause and effect . . ." Dogbert replies, "That's ridiculous. It implies that we have no free will." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "Next, you start getting really mad at me."
Share July 29, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Well, there you are, working on your little newsletter for clueless people . . ." Dilbert continues, "You're probably thinking up some clever little fact that the so-called people would never realize on their own." Dilbert reads the monitor and says, "Let me see . . . 'If you are the only one talking then it is a clue that no conversation is occurring and it is time to leave."
Share September 09, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert stands on the monitor. Ratbert says, "I figured that you would respect me more if I had some sort of talent." Ratbert says, "So I taught myself to sing Barry Manilow's greatest hits while slapping my head rhythmically." Ratbert sings, "A-a-at the Copa (slap) ow! Copa Cabana (slap) ow!" Dilbert says, "I'm actually enjoying this and it deeply disturbs me."