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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss is with another man. The Boss says, "Dilbert, meet Topper. He's amazing." Dilbert looks at The Boss and a smirking Topper. The Boss says, "No matter what you say about yourself, he'll top it." Dilbert says to Topper, "How are you?" The Boss looks at Topper as Topper says, "I can't go first. It ruins my system."
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Dilbert, Topper and Wally are sitting at a table. Dilbert, wiggling his fingers, says, "I'm getting a mouse cramp." Topper says to Dilbert and Wally, "I spent seven years chained upside down to an Elbonian prison wall." Topper says to Dilbert and Wally, "At the risk of sounding too competitive, I believe I'm winning this conversation."
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Dilbert, The Boss and Topper are sitting at a conference table. Dilbert says, "My project will save the company a million dollars." Topper says, "Mine saves twenty million." Dilbert says, "My project will take a year to complete." The Boss looks at Topper as Topper says, "Mine takes a week." Dilbert says, "Topper, I have half a mind..." The Boss looks dazed as Topper twitches and says, "I have one percent of a mind."
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A female co-worker says to Topper, "My head-ache is a doozy." Topper says, "Ha! That's nothing." The female co-worker looks on as Topper hits his head forcefully on the desk to the sound of "Bam! Bam! Bam!" The female co-worker says, "Um... You win." Topper, his face battered, says, "I'm just getting started!"
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Asok the Intern says to Dilbert, "I created software that makes all copyrighted work on the net available for free!" Dilbert asks Asok, "Wouldn't that destroy all forms of creativity and plunge us into a depression?" Asok says to Dilbert, "Yes... But it is very neat."
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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "My plan is to give away our product for free." The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We'll only bill customers who ask us to deinstall it." Wally and Dilbert continue looking on impassively as The Boss continues, "For once, those reports of consumer decapitations will work in our favor."
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Dogbert asks The Boss, "Do you have a plan for retaining the best employees?" The Boss says, "I whittle at their confidence until they believe no one else would ever hire them." Dogbert says, "Doesn't that make them sluggish?" The Boss says, "Yes, but if they're all sluggish, it looks right."
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Wally is sitting at his computer. A small winged person, hovering in the air behind him, says, "Hello, employee. I'm the Motivation Fairy." Wally sits up and listens as the Fairy says, "My magic wand will make you enjoy working despite the utter futility." Wally turns to the Fairy and says, "Knock yourself out." The Fairy replies, "Wally?! Gaa! I thought you were a myth!"
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THE MOTIVATION FAIRY: The Motivation Fairy, hovering in the air behind Wally, says "You will be my greatest challenge." Wally turns to the Motivation Fairy and says, "I'll bet you get paid less than minimum wage and they don't reimburse you for travel." The Fairy drops the magic wand and says, "Wings... So... Heavy..." Wally asks, "So, what kind of career path you got going?"
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THE MOTIVATION FAIRY: Hovering in the air near Wally, the Fairy says, "If you work hard, you will gain the respect of your peers." Wally says to the hovering Motivation Fairy, "If I avoid the stress of hard work, I will out-live my peers." The Fairy asks, "Hard work can kill me?" Wally answers, "If you're lucky."