You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Alice, and Wally are eating lunch. Wally says, "For thousands of generations the males in my family practiced selective breeding." Wally continues, "The goal was to produce offspring that leave no biometric impression: no pulse, no fingerprints, no DNA." Dilbert asks, "Why?" Wally responds, "We like to ask, 'Why not?'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting on the couch at home. Dogbert sits on the armrest and says, "My plan is to sell low-cost video-phones to dimwitted identical twins." Dogbert continues, "I'll even throw in free long-distance calling because that's the kind of guy I am." A man looks into a mirror and exclaims, "Gaaa!!! What are you doing at my girlfriend's house????"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Carol approaches The Boss and says, "A reporter wants to see you." Carol continues, "He claims we've been delivering all of our garbage to the local park for twenty years." Carol asks, "How is that even possible?" The Boss replies, "The secret is in the spreading."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Investigative Reporter. A reporter and cameraman follow The Boss out of the building. The reporter says, "Explain why your company dumps garbage in the park." The Boss climbs into his giant car. The reporter continues, "And why do you drive such a huge, wasteful vehicle?" The Boss approaches Asok and says, "I need you to scrape something off my tires and take it to the park."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally, Dilbert, Asok, and Alice, "We're going to try something called Extreme Programming." The Boss continues, "First, pick a partner. The two of you will work at one computer for forty hours a week." Dilbert and Alice jump on Asok and cling to him. Wally says, "The new system is a minute old and I already hate everyone."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Extreme Programming. Dilbert says to a business associate, "I can't give you all of these features in the first version." Dilbert continues, "And each feature needs to have what we call a 'user story.'" The business associate responds, "Okay, here's a story: you give me all of my features or I'll ruin your life.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Extreme Programming. Wally and Dilbert are sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "The two of you will be a code-writing team." The Boss continues, "Studies prove that two programmers on one computer is the most productive arrangement." Dilbert types with a furrowed brow. Wally says, "Sometimes I can whistle through both nostrils. I've saved a fortune in harmonicas."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

A man with hair pointy like antennae approaches The Boss and says, "Hello, potential client. I'm a consultick." The consultick continues, "I'll burrow into your corporate skin, suck your cash and never leave." The consultick continues, "My firm has a track record of huge consulting failures and conflicts of interest!" The Boss thinks, "No red flags."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: The Consultick. The Boss introduces the consultick to a meeting, "He'll do more than give us bad advice.." The Boss continues, "He'll also make sure we can't implement it without him." The consultick leans over and sticks his hair into The Boss's stomach. The Boss exclaims, "Ha ha! How he's burrowing into my torso, and I've convinced myself it's okay."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

The consultick has burrowed himself all the way through The Boss' torso. Dogbert says, "It looks like you need 'Dogbert's Consultant Removal Service.'" Dogbert continues, "He's in there good. You must be losing a lot of cash." The Boss bends over and Dogbert lifts up the back of his jacket. The consultick's head is sticking out of The Boss' back and his hand is in The Boss' pocket. Dogbert says, "It already spread to your wallet. I'll have to operate immediately."