You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #new year's day, #optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: A fresh new year is upon us and I am brimming with optimism. Ugh. Our network at work is down because my pointy-haired boss wouldn't let me upgrade the software. Now I need to work all night to fix it. Maybe this means the next 364 days will be extra awesome. Dogbert: Yeah. That's how it works.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: A good leader puts his team ahead of his own ego. Boss: What do great leaders do? I'm thinking it's the opposite, right? Catbert: They don't do what you just did. Boss: They don't be awesome?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #optimism, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to foster more of a start-up culture to drive innovation. Dilbert: So we get to dress casually, work flex hours, feel that our work is valued, and get equity in the company. Boss: What would be the name of a culture where people work hard but don't get any of those things you just mentioned.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #online (web) news

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I got a job as a news manufacturer for an online media company. I quote people out of context, add misleading headlines and tie it all up with a snarky bow. Dilbert: I thought the news occurred naturally. Dogbert: "Entineer Thinks News is Magic."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to help prepare me for my meeting tomorrow. Write up some answers to the questions we could never anticipate. Dilbert: I wouldn't expect much out of my first draft.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #coffee & tea, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: This week I tested a source of energy that can power organic devices. It's made from plant seeds and water. Boss: Is the energy source called coffee? Wally: Let's talk about Dilbert's project. I hear it's a mess.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #absent mindedness, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Did you finish the design according to my specs? Dilbert: Yep. Coworker: Hypothetically, if I had forgotten to mention several features, would that be a problem? And let's say the deadline is still the same. Dilbert: No problem. I always plan my schedule around your incompetence.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do we have any actionable analytics from our big data in the cloud? Dilbert: Yes, the data shows that my productivity plunges whenever you learn new jargon. Boss: Maybe in-memory computing will accelerate your applications. Dilbert: Plunge, plunge, plunge.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #retail business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Research shows that your best customers are creepy bearded guys. That same group also buys a high volume of potato chips and tissues. Boss: How's that help us? Dogbert: Two words: Combo Pack.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #cruelty

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Studies say employees prefer having a good boss over getting a raise. So instead of giving raises, pretend to be less dysfunctional. It's cheaper. Bwahahahaha!!! Boss: You're a creepy little dude.