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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #office workers, #presentation

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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm really nervous about this presentation for the Big Boss. Got any tips for me?" Dogbert replies, "Remember to bring a bunch of coins to jangle self-consciously in your pockets." Dogbert continues, ". . . Avoid eye contact and don't pause to explain your acronyms." Dilbert says, "I wish I could tell when you're kidding."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1989's comic on:


Tags #dog, #hair, #medicine, #pharmacy, #perscription, #side effect, #animals

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Dogbert stands at the counter in a drug store. He says to the clerk, "Hello. Do you remember selling some hair growth formula to a big guy named Dilbert?" The man replies, "Um . . ." Dogbert continues, "Well, I'M Dilbert, and apparently there are some unusual side effects!" The clerk looks shocked. Dogbert continues, "I took time out from my thriving law practice to come talk to you about it." Dogbert walks home humming. Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "Thanks, Dogbert, but I only asked you to get my prescription refill . . . Not the deed to the pharmacy." Dogbert replies, "In the long run this is more cost-effective."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 1989's comic on:


Tags #ball, #rent, #tuxedo

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Dilbert stands in front of the mailbox reading an invitation. Dilbert says, "Great! The engineer's ball is black tie this year." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I will be renting a tuxedo for the ball, and I would like it if you could keep any snide comments to yourself." Dogbert says, "Gosh. Even I wouldn't make fun of a guy who would pay sixty-five bucks to wear borrowed pants."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 1989's comic on:


Tags #walking, #hallway, #dignity, #Sports

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Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "Oh no . . . If this guy turns left when I go right, we'll end up walking down the hall right next to each other." The man turns and walks next to Dilbert. Dilbert thinks, "I hate this . . . A huge, empty hallway and here we are synchronized like two of the Rockettes." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . So that's when I knocked on the ladies' room door, yelled 'janitor' and ducked inside." Dogbert says, "At least you maintained your dignity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 1989's comic on:


Tags #knowledge, #electronic, #bluff

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Dilbert stands in a computer retail store. A boy with long hair says, "Welcome to Electrode Hut. I'm half your age, and I know more about electronics than you ever will. May I help you?" Dilbert replies, "Yes. I would like a half-dozen niad pulse converters and an anza brush." Dilbert asks, "Or am I bluffing?" The clerk wrings his hands and thinks, "This guy is GOOD."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 1989's comic on:


Tags #date, #flowers, #invention, #relationship

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Dilbert and Dogbert look at a holograph of a flower bouquet. Dilbert says, "The big advantage of my holographic flower invention is that you get infinite simulated bouquets." Dilbert continues, "You can give it to a girlfriend and program it to change on all special occasions." Dilbert says, "Just think of the money you can save over a relationship." Dogbert asks, "By never having a second date?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #death, #waiting, #medical

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Grim Reaper enters and says, "Gilbert, your time has come." Dilbert says as beads of sweat fly off his forehead, "Gilbert?! My name is DILBERT! You have the wrong guy!" The Grim Reaper says, "Oops! Sorry. Mind if I just wait around until your number comes up?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 1989's comic on:


Tags #death, #waiting, #medical

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Dilbert says to the Grim Reaper, "Look, Mr. Death, now that you know I'm the wrong guy, why don't you just leave me alone." The Grim Reaper replies, "I hate to waste a trip. Suppose your number comes up tomorrow - I gotta come all the way back. Just let me hang around today. You won't even notice me." Dilbert says, "THIS is gonna be a very long day." The Grim Reaper follows him and asks, "So, how do you feel?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 1989's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #watch, #neighborhood, #leader

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Dogbert and Dilbert stand in the yard. Dilbert, who is wearing a sash and carrying a flashlight, asks, "Are you sure you don't want to join the neighborhood watch group?" Dogbert says, "This is ridiculous. You all know that every single crime in this neighborhood was committed by one guy: Bad Ed." Dilbert says, "We can't actually prove that." Dogbert says, "I'm just saying maybe you shouldn't have elected him group leader."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 1989's comic on:


Tags #nature, #stupid, #talking

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, ". . . And nature has a way of compensating for weakness." Dogbert asks, "Really?" Dilbert explains, "That's why blind people often develop great hearing." Dogbert says, "I guess that also explains why stupid people have big mouths."