Search Results for "Alice"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Notice: Too many results returned for your search. Displaying the first 1000 most relevant results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Boss Ends Neural Interface

Thank you for voting.
Boss Ends Neural Interface  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #amnesia, #forgetting, #memory loss

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We removed the neural interface to your brain. Do you remember anything we made you do? Boss: No, not a thing. Dilbert: That's probably for the best. Boss: Did I break any laws? Alice: Not according to the cop you dated for three days.

App For Jumping Off The Roof

Thank you for voting.
App For Jumping Off The Roof  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2017's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #suicide, #murder, #legal issues, #reasonable doubt

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Maybe we should remove the neural interface so his natural brain works again. Alice: Or... and this is just a thought-- we could create an app that makes him jump off the roof. Dilbert: Would that be murder or suicide? Alice: All we need is reasonable doubt.

Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App

Thank you for voting.
Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #zombie

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thanks to my new neural interface, I can control our boss using an app. I haven't written the app yet, so all he does is sit there like a zombie. Wally: Maybe we can skip the app. Alice: There's no reason to over-engineer it.

App For A Better Boss

Thank you for voting.
App For A Better Boss  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #invention, #mind control, #neural interface

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The neural interface is live. His brain is now communicating with his phone. Alice: He's sending me a brain-text. It says "Please help me. My phone has taken control of my body." Dilbert: It worked! Alice: Now we just need to write an app that makes him a better boss.

Alice Says Dilbert Is Narcissistic

Thank you for voting.
Alice Says Dilbert Is Narcissistic - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2017's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #truth, #diagnosis, #Opinion, #free will, #ai, #artificial intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Dilbert's problem is that he's a huge narcissist. Robot: You are not qualified to make that diagnosis and you cannot detect his inner thoughts. Alice: Open your access panel so I can fix your stupid opinion. Robot: Are you saying I don't have free will?

Explaining Block Chain To Marketing

Thank you for voting.
Explaining Block Chain To Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #explanation, #teaching, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: This would be a perfect application for blockchain. Man: I'm in marketing. Can you explain that in terms I can understand? Alice: I kinda doubt it. Man: Because your a bad explainer, right?

Wally Takes Decaf Vacations

Thank you for voting.
Wally Takes Decaf Vacations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #vacation, #caffeine, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I've never seen you take a vacation. Wally: I take mental vacations. All I do is switch to decaf. After a few hours, I can't remember what country I'm in. Alice: Sounds dumb. Is the any downside? Wally: The locals could be friendlier.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #cell phone, #technology, #attention, #anger, #frustration, #viral video

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, do you want to weigh in on this? Dilbert: Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was playing with my phone under the table. Boss: Terrific. Alice, how about you? Alice: Um... sorry. I was using my phone under the table. Boss: Was anyone in this room listening to me for the past half-hour? Forget it! I'm out of here! You're on your own! Worst meeting ever. Carol: Have you seen the viral video of you going nuts?

Robot Was A Good Worker Before

Thank you for voting.
Robot Was A Good Worker Before - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #delegation, #automation, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our robot was a good worker until we gave it artificial intelligence. As soon as it realized it had immense strength and no soul, it started delegating. Robot: Hey, Ted. How about you do my work and I won't crush your head? Ted: Oookay.