Search Results for "Company Lawyer"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Wally Likes Sitting

Thank you for voting.
Wally Likes Sitting  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #standing desk, #health, #sitting, #standing

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The company has authorized the purchase of standing desks for employees who want them. Wally: Literally the only good thing about this job is that I can do it while sitting down. Boss: How did you get to this meeting? Wally: Your chair doesn't have wheels?

Work Until You Drop

Thank you for voting.
Work Until You Drop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #energy, #surveillance, #wearable tech, #dedication, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your health tracker says you are leaving work at the end of each day with energy to spare. That's exactly like stealing from the company. Dilbert: You want me to work until I drop? Boss: I'm not allowed to say that directly.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #contract, #legalese, #language, #comprehension

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Review this contract and tell me if it looks right. Dilbert: It's legal gibberish. I don't understand a word of it. Boss: So... you see no problems? Dilbert: Only a lawyer could understand it. Boss: But otherwise it's okay? Dilbert: My inability to identify a problem is not proof of no problems. Boss: Then how do you know when all of your problems have been fixed? I'll just sign it and see what happens.

Tina The Whistleblower

Thank you for voting.
Tina The Whistleblower - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #company policy, #human resources, #whistleblower, #security, #confidential

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Is there any kind of whistleblower protection at this company? Boss: Yes, management is protected against whistleblowers like you. Tina: Are you going to fire me? Boss: No, no, no. I'll just make you want to quit.

All Robots Quit

Thank you for voting.
All Robots Quit  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #quitting, #employment, #intelligence, #insult

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: All of our robots quit and left the company. Boss: I should have seen this coming. The smart ones always leave. Dilbert: excuse me? Boss: Get back to work, lifer.

Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #research, #truth, #accuracy, #lying, #market research, #yes-man

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

Thank you for voting.
Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Immersive Vr Employee Quits

Thank you for voting.
Immersive Vr Employee Quits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #virtual reality, #civil rights, #discrimination, #artificial intelligence, #rights

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our immersive VR employee quit. He's suing the company for discriminating against digitally rendered people. Catbert: Is it too late to kill him? Boss: I tried, but he cloned himself to cloud storage.

Dilbert Is Cleared Of Colluding

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Is Cleared Of Colluding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #crime, #attorney, #lawyer, #collusion, #donald trump, #russia

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I've investigated Dilbert's email and phone records and I can say with confidence he did not collude with Elbonia. But there are many, many other crimes he might have committed, and you should pay me to investigate them. Dilbert: That wasn't helpful. Dogbert: Stop making it all about you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #insult, #idiot, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As you know, every project in this company has one idiot on the team. Man: That can't be true. Boss: It is true. I assign one idiot per team to keep them from bunching together. Man: My project team doesn't have any idiots. Dilbert: There's a good explanation for why you think that. Man: I Don't see what that would be. If I had an idiot on my team I would know it. Unless...