Search Results for "Dogbert"

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Boss Is Sane

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Boss Is Sane - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #mental health, #mental illness, #managers, #sane, #insanity, #logic

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Narrator: Dogbert The Mental Health Expert. Boss: Can you confirm that my employees have lost their minds? Dogbert: Yes, because they work for you. Any other questions? Boss: But I'm sane, right? Dogbert: Yes, because you hired me.

Kill Code In Car

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Kill Code In Car  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #invention, #murder, #control, #government

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Dilbert: The government forced me to put a "kill code" in the operating system for our self-driving cars. Dogbert: And by "kill code," you mean it will bring the vehicle to a controlled stop? Dilbert: No, you're thinking of a "stop code."

User Specifications Are Not Complete

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User Specifications Are Not Complete  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #user specifications, #apps, #build app, #no hope, #fantasize

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Dilbert: are these user specifications complete? Ted: No, I plan to add requirements as you build the app until you have no hope of success and you fantasize about strangling me. Dilbert: Do you know what isn't as refreshing as you'd hope? Dogbert: Honesty?

Coworkers Who Are Special

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Coworkers Who Are Special  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2018's comic on:


Tags #consultation, #insults, #fired, #pay, #Advice, #special, #compliment

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Dogbert Consults Never call your co-worker a colossal moron, That could get you fired. Instead , say, "well, aren't you special" Dilbert: Are we paying you for this advice? Dogbert: well, aren't you special.

Pretending To Be Helpful

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 Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #insulting, #coworkers, #consultation, #indirect, #pretend, #helpful, #grammar, #slide deck

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Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

You Heard A Rumor

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 You Heard A Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #consultaion, #insult, #rumor, #divulge source, #dating pillow, #co - workers

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Dogbert consults Dogbert: Nevre insult your co workers directly. The company would fire you for that. Instead say you heard a rumor but you can't divulge your source. Asok: that feels wrong. Dogbert: Someone told me your dating your pillow.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

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 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #teach, #insult, #compliment, #function, #guidelines, #co workers, #insult co workers

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DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Dogbert's Insult Consulting

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Dogbert's Insult Consulting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #company rules, #insulting, #co workers, #teach how, #insult, #within guidelines, #standing desk, #meeting, #employer

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Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.

The Problem Is Humans

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The Problem Is Humans  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture

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Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

Dopamine

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 Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #addiction, #dopamine, #prescription, #drugs

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Dilbert: Why do I need a prescription from a doctor to make a drug that boosts my dopamine... but I don't need a doctor's approval to use an app that is designed to do the same thing? Are you ignoring me and playing with your phone? Dogbert: I wasn't getting any dopamine from listening to you.