Search Results for "advice"

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What Classes To Be An Engineer

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What Classes To Be An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering

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Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.

Lying To Weasels

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Lying To Weasels - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #sayings, #Advice, #honesty, #truthfulness

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Dilbert: I keep speaking truth to power, but it isn't working for me. Wally: Try lying to weasels. It doesn't look as good on a bumper sticker but it gets the job done. Dilbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Wally: Then why are you doing it right now?

Reincarnation Advice

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Reincarnation Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical

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Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.

Dogbert Sells Life Advice

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Dogbert Sells Life Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #motivation, #meaning, #existentialism

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Asok: How do I find meaning in my life? Dogbert: Nothing has meaning. The best you can do is postpone your own lonely and painful death. Asok: Are you saying I should take care of my health? Dogbert: What answer gets me the best review on Yelp?!

Hard Work Is The Key To Success

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Hard Work Is The Key To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #manager, #self-interest, #motivation

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Asok: What is the key to success? Boss: Hard work! Asok: Is it a coincidence that your advice for me corresponds to your self-interest? Boss: My other advice is never question authority.

Asking Successful People For Advice

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Asking Successful People For Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2018's comic on:


Tags #success, #Advice, #ambition

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Asok: Every time I ask a successful person for career advice, I get a different answer. Carol: My plan for success is to lull my boss into a fatal accident and take over his identity. Asok: I'm not asking unsuccessful people for advice. Carol: Is that how you talk to your future boss?

Wally Teaches Success

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Wally Teaches Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #success, #luck, #money, #winning, #mentor, #Advice

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Asok: Can you mentor me on how to be successful? Wally: Your best strategy is a combination of lying and being related to rich people. Asok: What is the second-best strategy? Wally: Crime is second. Winning a lottery is third.

Totally Painless Brain Removal

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Totally Painless Brain Removal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #cryogenic, #science, #lab, #pain, #experiment

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Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Advice. Dogbert: We'll remove your brain and freeze it until your investments are worth a fortune. Man: Does it hurt? Dogbert: Totally painless. Man: Aaaagh! It hurts! Dogbert: Oh. I thought we were talking about me.

Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality

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Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #competition, #bad advice, #deception, #wedgie

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Man: Alice has been mentoring me for a month, and I can't tell how much of her advice is real and how much is a hoax. For example, she advised me to give our boss a wedgie because she said he likes assertive people. Is that real? Dilbert: I'm gonna say yes.

Boss Loves Criticism

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Boss Loves Criticism - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #mentor, #mentee, #protege, #Advice, #competition, #deception

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Alice The Mentor. Alice: One thing I can tell you about our boss is that he loves constructive criticism. Man: I feel as if your advice is intended to make me fail because you see me as a threat to take your job. Alice: And he loves it when you grab him by the hair and yell, "handles!"