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Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish

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Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #chair, #conversation, #meeting, #robot, #sue, #table

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Boss: We replaced our company lawyer with a robot. Boss: It already rewrote all of our contracts into gibberish. Dilbert: Do we want that? Boss: I tried to ask, but it threatened to sue me.

Robotic Hair Transplant

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Robotic Hair Transplant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #conversation, #hair, #surgery

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Never go to a robotic hair transplant center on the same day they upgrade the software. Is that the surgery where they take hair from the back of your head and fill in the bald spot? That's how the old software worked. The new one didn't respect boundaries.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #conversation, #meeting

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Why isn't anyone else here yet? Did you tell them you changed the meeting time? I asked you to tell everyone. That isn't my job. Then why didn't you tell me you weren't going to do it?!! It isn't my job to tell you what isn't my job. Now this meeting is a waste of my time. Does your job description tell you to attend meetings that are worthless? I didn't know there were other kinds.

Tricky To Be An Optimist

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Tricky To Be An Optimist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #conversation, #glass

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Boss: Are you done writing the soft-ware? Wally: Yes, but it has some bugs. Boss: How is that different from not being done? Wally: I see the glass as half full. Boss: Half full of bugs? Wally: Optimism is tricky.

Boss Tweets Fake News

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Boss Tweets Fake News - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #mobile (cell) phones, #talk, #window

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The department of education asked us to talk to you about all of your tweeting. You tweeted so much fake news that the average I.Q. in the country plunged seven points. That doesn't hurt anyone. You tweeted "seat belts are designed to strangle survivors so they won't sue."

Boss Tweets Sexist Stuff

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Boss Tweets Sexist Stuff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #computer, #conversation, #desk, #tweets

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Our customers organized a boycott because of your racist tweet. I know. That's why I tweeted out some witty insults at the organizers. Your new tweets are sexist. Notice how the make you forget about my racist tweets?

Boss Tweets Racist Stuff

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Boss Tweets Racist Stuff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #conversation, #desk, #sitting

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You retweeted a racist conspiracy theory. I did? I checked snopes.com, and they say it is not true that Elbonians evolved from pandas less than a hundred years ago. You might want to delete the tweet. nah. What's the worst that can happen?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #analogy, #false equivalence, #frustration

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Narrator: The bad analogy guy. Dilbert: And that's why I want to rewrite that part of the software. Man: That's like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. Dilbert: No, it isn't anything like that. I just think the current software could bet better. Man: So it's like throwing away the baby with the bathwater. Dilbert: No, it is not like that even a little! Man: You sound exactly like Hitler. That can't be a coincidence. Dilbert: Nothing you say makes sense! Man: That's like saying the earth is flat.

Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job

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Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #talking, #conversation, #boring, #annoy, #quitting, #boredom

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Boss: Ted is doing a terrible job. Catbert: Maybe you should talk to him. Boss: What should I say? Catbert: It doesn't matter. Five minutes of listening to you will make him want to quit. Boss: That's crazy enough to work. Catbert: You've only been here for two minutes and my tail is asleep.

Nothing Else To Talk About

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Nothing Else To Talk About - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #personality, #boring, #bored, #conversation, #small talk

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Man: Do you want to know how we would have handled this situation at my old job? Dilbert: No. Dilbert: Nothing would interest me less. Man: My only other topics of conversation are my health problems and TV shows you haven't seen. Dilbert: I stand corrected.