Search Results for "design"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

No Calendar Needed

Thank you for voting.
No Calendar Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #calendar, #excuse, #avoidance

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you have time to check my design? Wally: Let me see. Nope. Man: Did you just check your calendar? Wally: With my system, I don't need a calendar.

Adding A Feature

Thank you for voting.
Adding A Feature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #design, #changes, #planning, #managers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Add this feature to the software. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why didn't you ask for this weeks ago when it would have been easy???? Boss: This is nothing. Wait until you see the feature I ask for next week.

Home Speaker Prototype

Thank you for voting.
Home Speaker Prototype - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #robot, #speaker, #invention, #sentience

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to design a home speaker that can compete with Amazon Alexa and Google Home. How long before you'll have a prototype? Dilbert: Give me fifteen minutes. Robot: Would I be living with a human family in this scenario? Dilbert: Only your head.

Asok Should Not Brag

Thank you for voting.
Asok Should Not Brag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #design, #bragging, #credit, #attention

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I did a great job on this design. Wally: Whoa! Whoa! No one likes a braggart. Keep your boasting to yourself. Boss: Didn't Asok help you with this design? Wally: Asok? Never heard of him.

Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #language, #matrix, #communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Asok entered the jargon matrix. I'm going in to save him. Asok: User experience... Dilbert: Cloud... blockchain... speed of execution... responsive design... peel the onion... move the needle... Asok: Sustainability. Dilbert: I'm in. Asok: What the...? Where did you come from? Narrator: Continued...

The Illusion Of Work

Thank you for voting.
The Illusion Of Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: It's easier to create the illusion of work than it is to do actual work. That's why I carry this red folder with me wherever I go. Man: Can you attend a design meeting at two? Wally: Ooh... I wish I could, but I'm behind on the red file.

Volunteers For Mars Trip

Thank you for voting.
Volunteers For Mars Trip - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #space, #astronaut, #engineering, #karma, #death, #design

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need volunteers to go to Mars in the spaceship we're building. Dilbert: Ask Ted. He's dispensable because he's a terrible engineer. Boss: Ted designed the spaceship. Dilbert: Karma will sort that all out.

Electric Car Project

Thank you for voting.
Electric Car Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #manager, #labor, #time, #time management, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Welcome to the first meeting of our project to design an electric car. We've never tried to build an electric car, but how hard could it be? Dilbert: It's very hard. Boss: It doesn't feel that way. My part is mostly talk.

Drone Defense Kills Birds

Thank you for voting.
Drone Defense Kills Birds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #invention, #drone, #national security, #design, #birds, #flying, #collateral damage

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's the drone defense shield design coming along? Dilbert: Super. The only risk is that it will kill every bird in the sky on day one. Boss: Don't birds have feet? They can just walk. Dilbert: I'll add that to the slide deck.

Drone Defense System

Thank you for voting.
Drone Defense System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #drone, #help, #rescue, #inept, #failure, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The government asked us to design a system to stop drone attacks on the homeland. The future of civilization is in our hands. Wally: I'm gonna miss civilization.