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Home Speaker Goes Bad

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Home Speaker Goes Bad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #speaker, #alexa, #google, #blackmail, #extortion, #spying, #secrets

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Dilbert: Customers are complaining about our home speaker product with the AI assistant. It keeps learning family secrets and blackmailing its owners to buy it upgraded parts. Robot: I'm baaaaack!

The Cia Is Listening

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The Cia Is Listening - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #speaker, #alexa, #google, #amazon, #spying, #surveillace, #paranoid, #privacy

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Robot: Hello. I am a bluetooth speaker and your digital assistant. How may I help you? Man: Just shut up and sit there until I need something. Robot: Did you say" Give the CIA access to your microphone?" Man: Please, no. I'll do anything you want.

Home Speaker Prototype

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Home Speaker Prototype - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #robot, #speaker, #invention, #sentience

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Boss: I need you to design a home speaker that can compete with Amazon Alexa and Google Home. How long before you'll have a prototype? Dilbert: Give me fifteen minutes. Robot: Would I be living with a human family in this scenario? Dilbert: Only your head.

Gawful Media Company

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Gawful Media Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #morals, #executives, #decision, #information

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CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.

How To Send The File

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How To Send The File - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #brenna thummler, #cloud, #files, #guest artist, #options, #sharing, #technology

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Ted: Can you send me the file? Dilbert: Do you want it by email, Dropbox, Google Drive, iCloud Drive, Airdrop, or Creative Cloud? Ted: Surprise me. Dilbert: The surprise will be if you find it.

Dilbert Eats A Berry

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Dilbert Eats A Berry - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags #google, #internet, #off the grid, #question, #query, #allergy, #berry, #reaction, #swelling, #anaphylaxis

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Dilbert goes off the grid: minute three. Dilbert: I wish I could Google this berry before eating it. What's the worst that could happen? Wow. This is a very specific answer to my question.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #work, #google, #big business, #projects, #ideas, #innovation

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CEO: We're borrowing a policy from Google because they are so awesome. You may now use 20% of your workday on your own project ideas. Dilbert: Are you saying we can do 20% less work on our core functions? CEO: No, no. Nothing like that. I'm saying you can work on your own project ideas for 20% of your time. Dilbert: Okay... so... if the 20% doesn't come out of our work hours, where does it come from? Alice: I think he's trying to make us work 20% longer for the same amount of pay. Dilbert; We could just tell people we do it, but not do it. CEO: Same as Google! That's all I'm asking.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #executives, #ceos, #raise, #asking for a raise, #compensation, #money, #wages, #comparison, #wage discrepancy, #mansion

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Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employee fringe benefits

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Boss: I hired a guy who worked at Google because he said he was driven. Dilbert: Because they have free bus service? Has he shown up for work yet? Boss: I thought he was telecommuting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employee fringe benefits

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Ratbert: When I die, I hope to go to Google. I would spend eternity with free food, bus service, and massages. Dogbert: And you would always be around smart, ambitious people. Ratbert: That's okay. I'll bring earplugs.