Search Results for "managers"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Robot Can Take Boss's Job

Thank you for voting.
Robot Can Take Boss's Job  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #boss, #work, #ai, #artificial intelligence, #automation

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: I wonder whose job I'll take first. Boss: You could never do my job. Robot: I'm doing it right now. Boss: You're not doing anything. Robot: Right. Let that sink in.

Boss Is The Common Variable

Thank you for voting.
Boss Is The Common Variable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managing, #managers, #failure, #common denominator, #Advice, #performance, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do? Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable. Boss: I hadn't considered that. Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.

Software Is Never Finished

Thank you for voting.
Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #deadline, #guidance, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #micromanaging, #managers, #productivity, #google

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I have a meeting in a few minutes, so I only have time to do some micromanaging. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better do do regular managing? Boss: I don't have time for the regular kind. Dilbert: Then wouldn't it be better to do no managing at all? Boss: Some is better than none. Dilbert: Except when less is more. Boss: This got too complicated. How about I just stand behind you and suggest you Google stuff? Dilbert: Fine. I wish I had some data for this. Boss: Try Googling it.rnet,

Robots In Management

Thank you for voting.
Robots In Management - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #loopholes, #robot, #automation, #murder, #killing, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our experiment with robots in management has been a success. Productivity is way up since they started killing the low-performing humans. CEO: But... that's murder. Boss: Only when humans do it. We found a loophole.

Robot Is Too Smart

Thank you for voting.
Robot Is Too Smart - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #automation, #power, #managers, #intelligence, #ai, #artificial intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our new robot is too smart. It keeps threatening humans into doing its job while it does nothing but drink coffee. CEO: Isn't that all you do? Boss: I don't like where this is heading.

View From Thirty Thousand Feet

Thank you for voting.
View From Thirty Thousand Feet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #distance, #jargon, #managers, #leadership, #buzzwords, #guidance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the view on this from thirty thousand feet? Alice: From that distance, everything we do is meaningless. Boss: Then how do we know what to do? Alice: I guess we ruled out "leadership."

Product Warning Is Coming Along

Thank you for voting.
Product Warning Is Coming Along - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #user guide, #safety, #directions, #overthinking, #managers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Tina, have you finished writing the product safety warning? Tina: I'm on page 357 with no end in sight. Boss: Okay, keep up the good work. I probably should have done a little micromanaging there.

Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #memory, #obliviousness, #managers, #executives, #hubris

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally says he has a secret project he can't tell me about. Did you give him that project? CEO: I don't remember every little thing I've ever done. Boss: My best strategy here is to think about other things.

Bad At Your Job

Thank you for voting.
Bad At Your Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #instructions, #directions, #insubordinate

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Your code doesn't conform to my architectural guidelines. Dilbert: That's because you're bad at your job and I'm good at mine. Ted: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: Maybe you could ask someone who knows how to do your job.