Search Results for "merger"

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Might Reorganize

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Might Reorganize - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #responsibility, #work ethic, #reorganization, #merger, #laziness

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Wally: Are you still considering a reorganization of the department? Boss: Maybe. Wally: Oh, good. I was worried I might be held accountable for my lack of accomplishments. Boss: I might be playing this wrong. Wally: Hey, everyone! We're free!

Bought His Last Company

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Bought His Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2016's comic on:


Tags #comparison, #comparing, #merger, #acquisition, #liquidation, #layoff, #redundancy, #big business, #competition, #darwin

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Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.

Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company

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Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #reputation, #infamy

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CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...

Gawful Media Company

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Gawful Media Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #morals, #executives, #decision, #information

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CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #mergers & acquisitions, #redendancy, #hard work, #fired, #card board boxes

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Boss: Ted, the merger has made your job redundant. As a reward for your years of hard work, feel free to use one of our cardboard boxes to get your junk out of here. Uh-oh. It looks like we forgot to hide the good boxes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #brain parasite, #eliminate redundancy, #executives, #lying, #mergers & acquisitions, #more choices

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Boss: Our CEO has promised that the merger will cause no layoffs. Dilbert: Is that because he's too incompetent to eliminate obvious redundancies or is he just lying? Boss: Can you give me more choices? Dilbert: A brain parasite is making him say stupid stuff?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #wide eyes, #merger, #hope, #status, #upgrade, #nonexistent, #unimportant, #job, #business

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The Boss says, "The people buying our company don't know that your project exists." The Boss says, "And you're not allowed to talk to anyone over there. But don't lose hope." The Boss says, "I'm working hard to upgrade your status from nonexistent to unimportant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags #lose job, #merger, #worry, #good word, #recommendation, #drink coffee, #observation

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The Boss says, "I wouldn't worry about losing your job after the merger." Dilbert says, "Because you put in a good word for me?" The Boss says, "No, it's more of an observation that I don't worry about other people's jobs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #merger talks, #business as usually, #happy, #yell, #take off shirt, #take off tie, #wide eyes, #surprise, #outburst, #shirtless, #bare chest, #plan

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The Boss says, "We're in merger talks, but it's business as usual until it goes through." Wally says, "I'm free! My efforts won't influence my rewards!" The Boss says, "I said business as usual." Wally says, "I was totally planning to do this today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #incompetent, #dogbert investment bank, #shareholder, #bribe, #merger, #unwise, #commission, #best seller, #read, #jail

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Dogbert says, "You're an incompetent CEO, but the Dogbert Investment Bank can help you pretend to unlock shareholder value." Dogbert says, "I'll arrange an unwise merger so you can cash out while I collect an obscene commission." Dogbert says, "It's like a bribe, but instead of going to jail, a stranger will write a bestselling book with your name on it." CEO says, "Can I read it?"