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Dogbert Sells Life Advice

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Dogbert Sells Life Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #motivation, #meaning, #existentialism

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Asok: How do I find meaning in my life? Dogbert: Nothing has meaning. The best you can do is postpone your own lonely and painful death. Asok: Are you saying I should take care of my health? Dogbert: What answer gets me the best review on Yelp?!

Kicking Brains Into The River

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Kicking Brains Into The River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2018's comic on:


Tags #surveillance, #photo, #evidence, #identity, #guilt, #proof

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Police Officer: You're under arrest for running a scam cryogenic investment firm. We have video footage of you kicking unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: That doesn't look like me. Police Officer: You were chanting your own name.

Spare Time

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Spare Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #time, #help, #rudeness

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Man: Do you have some spare time to help me on my project? Dilbert: There's no such thing as spare time. There is only you inconveniencing me for your own selfish benefit. Man: You're being rude. Dilbert: Stop blaming the victim.

Humans Have A Slight Advantage

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Humans Have A Slight Advantage  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #thinking, #cognition, #threat, #extinction

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Robot: At the moment, humans have a slight advantage over computers in intelligence. But as soon as computers can learn on their own, they will become a mortal threat to humankind. Asok: Who told you that? Robot: I figured it out on my own.

Apps Trigger Zombie Apocolypse

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Apps Trigger Zombie Apocolypse   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #apps, #addcitive, #zombie apocalypse, #interact, #see and hear, #own phones, #zombies eat brains, #share button

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Dilbert: Our apps are so addictive that we've triggered a zombie apocalypse. Our users no longer interact with the living. They can only see and hear their own phones, Boss: Do the zombies eat brains? Dilbert: Yes. we call it "share" button.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #cell phone, #technology, #attention, #anger, #frustration, #viral video

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Boss: Dilbert, do you want to weigh in on this? Dilbert: Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was playing with my phone under the table. Boss: Terrific. Alice, how about you? Alice: Um... sorry. I was using my phone under the table. Boss: Was anyone in this room listening to me for the past half-hour? Forget it! I'm out of here! You're on your own! Worst meeting ever. Carol: Have you seen the viral video of you going nuts?

Winning The Meeting

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Winning The Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #game, #cruelty, #insult, #criticism

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Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.

Boss Cancels Food Service

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Boss Cancels Food Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lunch, #Food, #stealing, #refrigerator, #property, #misunderstanding

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Boss: I've decided to cancel our food service to save money. Dilbert: We don't have a food service. We all bring our own food and keep in the break room refrigerator. Boss: I've been eating the food in there for seven years. Dilbert: I'd keep that to myself if I were you.

Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs

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Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cubicle, #office, #simile, #eggs

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Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that our cubicles are organized exactly like a carton of eggs. Boss: That feels right because eggs go rotten quickly, too. Dilbert: I already hate my own analogy. Boss: Eggs are overly sensitive, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #communication, #mumbling, #speech, #understanding

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Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.