Search Results for "prediction"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #help, #group project, #dependability, #failure, #psychic, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need your feedback on my PowerPoint deck before Tuesday. Man: I'll do that on Monday night. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's a trap! You are notoriously undependable. The odds of you working on a Monday night are terrible. If I don't get your input on time, you will make a fool out of me in the meeting. I'll stay up all night Monday hoping to get your email. But that input will never come. I'll end up doing the presentation on no sleep. Then you will embarrass me during the presentation by pointing out the errors in my slides. Man: For a mind reader, you sure have a terrible life.

Estimating Software Completion

Thank you for voting.
Estimating Software Completion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #estimate, #deadline, #questioning, #delay, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #expectations, #unrealistic, #project, #group, #laziness, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?

The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura

Thank you for voting.
The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #horoscope, #Astrology, #prediction, #fortune, #nonsense

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Ooh. Bad news on your horoscope today. Your moon is intersecting with the feng shui of your aura. Boss: How long do I have? Carol: You'll be dead by noon. Boss: I meant until my next meeting.

Random Number Generator

Thank you for voting.
Random Number Generator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #projection, #money, #prediction, #unrealistic expectations, #numbers, #obliviousness, #guest artist, #donna oatney

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Can you get me more details on the financial projections? Dilbert: Sure. I wrote an app that generates random numbers, just in case you asked for them. Boss: 17, 4, 962... Yes, this looks about right.

Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues

Thank you for voting.
Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #future, #death, #prediction, #health, #reaction

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.

Tina Strings Economic Words Together

Thank you for voting.
Tina Strings Economic Words Together - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2015's comic on:


Tags #economist, #economy, #deception, #jargon, #prediction, #stock market, #recession

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally The Chief Economist. Tina: My interview with you is live on the website. Nothing you said made sense, so I strung together a bunch of economic jargon and called it your forecast. One Month Later. Computer: Only one economist accurately predicted when this bubble would burst. Dilbert: Uh-oh.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #ridicule, #age, #generation, #blame, #prediction, #criticism, #angry, #annoyed

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "Your age group has destroyed the hopes of my entire generation." Asok says, "Your parents were the so-called 'Greatest generation.' I wonder what your age group will be known as." Asok says, "I'll bet it includes the word 'Bag.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2009's comic on:


Tags #future, #prediction, #bleak, #scary

View Transcript

Transcript

Company Economist Man says, "In 2010 the economy will collapse and the world will plunge into darkness." Man says, "You will all be eaten by cannibals who will, in turn, die from the diseases that riddle your bodies." The boss says, "Please never talk again." Man says, "I get that a lot lately."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #revenue, #firing, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "my side business Dilbertfiles.com, is getting lots of attention." Dilbert says, "I have a feeling I will soon be leaving my cubicle behind." Dogbert says, "Yep." Catbert says, "All in favor of firing this idiot for using company resources..."