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Emptiness And Pain

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Emptiness And Pain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #pain, #emptiness, #soul, #work ethic, #motivation

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Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.

Too Dumb To Understand

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Too Dumb To Understand - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #insult, #intelligence, #ego

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Man: Your idea will never work. Dilbert: That's because you're too dumb to understand it. My idea would look brilliant if you were sixty percent smarter. Man: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: That's consistent with my hypothesis.

All Robots Quit

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All Robots Quit  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #quitting, #employment, #intelligence, #insult

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Dilbert: All of our robots quit and left the company. Boss: I should have seen this coming. The smart ones always leave. Dilbert: excuse me? Boss: Get back to work, lifer.

Robot Will Crush Employees

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Robot Will Crush Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #boss, #manager, #threat, #artificial intelligence, #control, #power

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Robot: Thanks to advances in artificial intelligence, I am both a robot and your new boss. Work hard while I do nothing or I will crush each of your skulls with my mechanical arms. Dilbert: He's tough, but he's fair. Wally: And no micromanaging. I find it refreshing.

Robot Was A Good Worker Before

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Robot Was A Good Worker Before - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #delegation, #automation, #technology

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Dilbert: Our robot was a good worker until we gave it artificial intelligence. As soon as it realized it had immense strength and no soul, it started delegating. Robot: Hey, Ted. How about you do my work and I won't crush your head? Ted: Oookay.

Soul Killing Tasks

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Soul Killing Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work, #pleasure, #toil, #fulfillment, #engagement

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Dilbert: Hey, I have a great idea. Maybe I could work on interesting projects instead of the soul-killing tasks you always assign to me. Boss: Why would I pay you for enjoying yourself? Dilbert: I was not prepared for that question.

Blamecatcher

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Blamecatcher - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #blame, #scapegoat, #failure, #excuse

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Boss: I'm assigning you to a project that is co-managed by vice presidents who hate each other. Dilbert; Why do they want me to work on a project that is clearly doomed? Boss: They said something about a "blamecatcher."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses, #motivation, #projects

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Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.

Product Warning Is Coming Along

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Product Warning Is Coming Along - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #user guide, #safety, #directions, #overthinking, #managers

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Boss: Tina, have you finished writing the product safety warning? Tina: I'm on page 357 with no end in sight. Boss: Okay, keep up the good work. I probably should have done a little micromanaging there.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #thundershirt, #stress, #prank, #practical joke

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Wally: You look stressed. Asok: I am. How do you drink so much coffee and stay so calm? Wally: It's easy. I wear a "Thundershirt" under my work clothes. It was designed to make dogs feel safe during thunderstorms. When I saw the commercial for it on TV, I wondered what else it could do, so I bought one. I haven't had a bad day at work since then. Narrator: One week later. Asok: Feeling good! Best day of work ever! Dilbert: Did you convince a co-worker to wear pet clothes? Wally: That's how I reduce my stress.