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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"The office relocation project is proceeding without any problems whatsoever." "GAAA!!! IT'S A LIE!!! OUR POSSESSIONS WILL BE LOST AND WE WILL HAVE NO PHONE SERVICE!!!" "I don't mean to worry anyone, but you should look for new jobs right away."

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"I am in charge of the office relocation project, also known as O.R.P." "I have never managed anything, but I have studied our boss to learn his methods." "Let's see.. step one, I corner you. Step two, I talk until you scream about seeing a bright light."

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"Our company is relocating to be nearer to our CEO's home." "When asked about the justification for the huge expense, our CO quipped, 'HA HA HA! Eat mud and die!'" "Then he gave himself some stock options and went to buy a Hummer."

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"I hired my wife to be our new receptionist." "I foresee no problems whatsoever." "Hey, Dipweed!" "Go buy me a bagel and a cappuccino." "Then wash my car and fill the gas tank." "NOW DANCE FOR ME, LITTLE MAN! HA HA! DANCE OR I'LL HAVE YOU FIRED!!!" "How may I help you? Have a nice day!" "Stop dancing in the lobby. My wife is trying to work."

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I signed you up for a product awareness class.

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Business is picking up. We need to rehire some of the people that we downsized.

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"The good thing about being downsized is that I don't need to shave my legs." "It grows fast, but who's going to notice?" "Police surrounded a convenience store where Sasquatch attempted to buy 'Haagen Dazs.'"

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"I scheduled your goodbye lunch for Tuesday." "I can't make it on Tuesday." "It's too late to change it. Everyone already bought your gag gifts." "Gag gifts?? I'm not retiring; I got downsized!" "Congratulations, Alice! Hee-hee!!"

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"Alice gets downsized." "Maybe your next career could be marrying a rich guy." "There must be a guy out there who wouldn't care about your personality." "If she offers you a goodbye hug, don't take it."

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"Career Counseling." "Apparently you're still mad about being downsized." "According to your resume, you're seeking a job that involves 'punching a short, stocky guy with pointy hair.'" "Is that the only job you'd consider?" "I also like kicking."