You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #reading, #judging, #reviewing, #skills, #lying, #panic, #diverting, #attention

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "According to your skills inventory, the only thing you are good at is?" Catbert says, "?diverting attention from your own lack of value." Wally says, "Is it just me, or is there a deadly gas leak in the building?" Catbert says, "Erk!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #orders, #job, #elbonia, #training, #lonely, #uncomfortable

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I need you to go to Elbonia and do some hand-holding while they cut over to the new system." Dilbert says, "Because they?re incompitent?" The boss says, "And lonely." Dilbert says, "I'm not comfortable with this." Elbonian says, "Mud wine?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2009's comic on:


Tags #demanding, #stock, #prices, #conspiracy, #idea, #alien

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We need another economic bubble to drive up our stock value." Dogbert says, "Assemble the illuminati!" Man says, "As usual, I'll create the media frenzy, Dogbert will manipulate prices, and IXPU will vaporize the whistle-blowers."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2009's comic on:


Tags #convincing, #plan, #scheme, #twitter, #lazy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "We find you interesting." The boss says, "You do?" Wally says, "Oh, yes. Every little thing you do is interesting." The Boss says, "I didn't know that." Wally says, "Hey, I just had an idea." Wally says, "Maybe you should use twitter to leave us little messages about all of your days activities." Dilbert says, "It would make us feel connected to our leader. And dare I say, more motivated." The Boss says, "Well, gosh. I suppose I could try it." Wally says, "I already feel an improvement in my quality of life." Wally says, "Where's idiot boy now?" Dilbert says, "In the parking lot. No need to look busy yet."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #review, #criticism, #ridicule, #nervous, #frustration, #useless

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "It's funny that you're evaluating me." Alice says, "Because I understand how to do your job, but you have no idea how to do my job." Alice says, "For example, right now you're going to say something that doesn't help the stockholders."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2009's comic on:


Tags #job, #panic, #phrase, #angry, #offended, #accusation, #awkward

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Asok, we're hosting a forum for human resources executives, and I need you to organize it." Asok the intern says, "Gaaa!!! That will be like trying to herd cats." Catbert says, "What did you just say?" Asok the intern says, "I'm not racist." Catbert says, "Denial is proof!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #pay, #salary, #money, #complaining, #sub-par, #angry, #promise, #mean, #cruel

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Tina, I just learned that your pay is 20% below the industry average for your job." The Boss says, "I will correct this injustice, no matter what it takes!" Tine says, "You would do that for me?" The Boss says, "You have my word that I will lower the industry average!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #career, #mean, #plans, #murder, #nervous, #misunderstanding, #hatred

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Carol, I'd like to talk to you about your career goals." Carol says, "My career goal is to take over the department by tricking you into a fatal accident, then telling everyone you're just working from home." The boss says, "That's not right." Carol says, "So you're saying I should set my goals low?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #approval, #bureaucracy, #avoiding, #explaining, #discouraged

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Did the executive steering committee approve my project?" The boss says, "We agreed on a predecisional draft framework for making the decision." Dilbert says, "Does that mean anything?" The Boss says, "It depends what you mean by 'Anything.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #job, #assignment, #question, #scheme, #excited, #celebrating, #dancing, #lazy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Wally, I need you to do an inventory in our warehouses. It should take about a month." Wally says, "Hypothetically, would anyone know the difference if I just made up the numbers?" The Boss says, "Well, no?" Wally says, "Dream job!"