You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #children, #candy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The big companies are hiring all of the good engineering students as soon as they graduate. We need to start earlier. I want you to skulk around school yards and try to form relationships with kids who are nerdy loners. Offer them candy. Kids love candy. Dilbert: I don't see how this plan could go wrong.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #wages

View Transcript

Transcript

Interviewee: Google offered me a million dollars a year. What's your offer? Boss: Work for us and you can change the world! Interviewee: Change it how? Boss: By lowering the average pay of engineers. Hiring engineers

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You did good work this week. I give you permission to leave early today. Dilbert: It's five minutes before my normal quitting time. Boss: Your work was good, not great. Get over yourself.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #elections, #online (web) news, #patents

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Here's some news I don't understand about libor rates. Here's some news I don't understand about the Higgs boson. Remind me why we have news. Catbert: I think it has something to do with patent law and the electoral college.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #tattoos & body marking, #dieting & weight control

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you ever think that getting that face tattoo might be a bad career move? Interviewee: No. Was there ever a time you thought overeating was a bad idea? Because people can see that. Boss: You don't interview well. Job interview

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #executives, #poor persons

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Imagine I invented a new technology for fracking. It involves grinding poor people into a slurry and pumping it into shale at high pressure. Do you see any problems with that? CEO: Not enough shale! CEO Morality Test

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I like to have opinions. But not informed opinions. It takes so much work to get informed that it defeats the whole point of having an opinion in the first place. Dilbert: What exactly do you think is the "point" of having an opinion? Wally: The point is that it feels good. Dilbert: That's totally nuts. Wally: Oh, is it? Unless you have hard data to back up that comment, it was nothing but an uninformed opinion. That felt good. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! You're starting to make sense! Wally: Your whole life is a lie.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #meetings

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I just realized I love the sound of my own voice! Ha ha! Thanks to the unspoken rules of meetings, I can enjoy the sound of myself as long as I want! Blah, blah, blah! Loud Howard: What's all that noise!? Topper: That's nothing! No one knew the perfect storm was approaching

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #annoyance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm putting you on a project with Loud Howard, Topper and the new guy who loves the sound of his own voice. Dilbert: Is it because you hate me? Boss: Not at all. It's because I hate the other three guys.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #gadgets

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Good news! Our biggest competitor just went out of business! There was so much anticipation for their next product that no one bought the current one and they ran out of money. Alice: Our strategy of predictable mediocrity paid off again. Boss: It's okay to call it genius.