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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2003's comic on:


Tags #too much work, #give too much work, #blame others, #angry, #its all you!

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"Alice, your problem is that you take on too much work." "The problem is that you GIVE me too much work!" "Your second problem is that you blame others, and your third problem is that you're always angry." "GAAA!! IT'S ALL YOU!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #focusing on bandwidth, #organic growth, #table an issue, #sudebar, #managing expectations, #ducks in a row, #no project

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The Boss: "Wally, what's the status of your project?" Wally: "Deep breath.. clear my mind..." "I've been focusing my bandwidth on organic growth." "I'm getting lots of push-back, so I'm taking the discussions offline." "But sometimes I table an issue or handle it in a side bar." "Now I have my ducks in a row. The deal-breakers are on the back burner, and I'm managing expectations." The Boss: "Okay... keep up the good work." Dilbert: "Wally, you don't have a project." "What? Then why am I so tired?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2003's comic on:


Tags #conference calls from mens room, #idiotssyncrasies, #conference calls, #finished newspaper

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"Wally, there have been complaints that you take conference calls from the men's room." "Ok, perhaps I have a few idiosyncrasies, but it's only because I care so much about the work." "No one invited you to those conference calls." "What if I've already finished the newspaper?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #level conscious, #vide presidents offcie, #secretary, #make direct eye contact, #meeting, #boss, #new hire, #business

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"We're not 'level conscious' here." "You could walk up to any vice president's office and talk to his secretary as if you were an equal." "Which, by the way, you're not. So don't try to make direct eye contact."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2003's comic on:


Tags #too busy, #bottleneck, #document, #desk, #office

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"I can't do any more work on my project until you give your input, but you're too busy." "There's no polite way to say this: Bill, you're a bottleneck." "Your document is now saying hi to the bottom of the pile."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #new guy, #new hire, #bottleneck, #bill, #titanium

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Bottleneck Bill Bottlkeneck Bill: All purchase orders must be approved by me. I'll be too busy to approve anything but at least we have the system. Its titanium. Nice try. Alice: GRRRRR

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #lazy rich, #new product, #rebate, #1 million, #banking on forgetting, #great bargain, #one person

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Dogbert: "Don't sell your new product for $29. Offer it at $1,000,029 with a rebate of $1,000,000." "People will think it's a great bargain when in fact it's just a huge inconvenience." The Boss: "And all we need is one person to forget to mail in the rebate forms." Dogbert: "We'll target the lazy rich."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2003's comic on:


Tags #nutty boss, #halluciantions, #sadistic nut, #having problems, #unhealthy boss

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The Boss: "I'm having problems at home, so I'll be taking it out on you today." "I'll begin by hallucinating that you said something bad. Then I'll yell at you for saying it." "I AM NOT A SADISTIC NUT!!!" Dilbert: "If I go to my cubicle, can you hallucinate that I'm here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #company t shirt, #not for temps, #contractors, #vendors, #not size, #downsized, #leftover garage rags, #morale

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The Boss: Everyone gets a company shirt! Its good for morale. The Boss: opps! Not for temps. None for contractors. Not for vendors. Nothing in your size. Not for people who might get down sized on Friday. I'lluse the leftovers as garage rags. CatBert: Did the shorts improve morale? The Boss: Sure did! I feel great!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2003's comic on:


Tags #ted, #forward to ted, #email, #solved problems, #project, #being rude, #remove from project

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Dilbert: Ted is being rude and helpful. Can you ask his boss to remove him from the project? The Boss: I'll forward this to Ted. That should help. Dilbert: I wonder how people solved problems before email.