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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I need to be managing a sexier project to boost my career.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"My boss wants me to invent nano-technology stem cells because it sounds good." "Try pointing to your empty hand and saying, 'you can't see them but they're almost done!'" "Then trick him into giving you a high-five and yell, 'you crushed them! Aaag!!!'"

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Bottleneck Bill

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"I need your help forcing Bottleneck Bill to do his job so I can do my job." "I'll be all over that... as soon as I finish other things." "What other things?" "Well, for example, miscellaneous."

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The number one complaint from employees is 'unclear objectives.'

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Dogbert consults

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"Our revenue is now double the number of people that our product has killed recently." "Our product costs $80. Are you saying that each one kills 40 people?" "Our customers know the health risks, so technically they're killing themselves." "So technically we aren't scum?"