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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Never tell anyone we don't have enough resources to do a project. It makes us look lame." "Instead, say we have a fixed capacity that is already dedicated to higher priorities. That makes whoever asked us for help look lame." "Can I keep telling people I donated all of my blood to hurricane victims?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Do you have a minute?" "No." "This will just take a second." "No it won't." "It's real quick." "You have my word that it will take no longer than five seconds." "Okay. Go." "Oh, good. So, I was walking by and I thought maybe I should stop and ask you something because..." "Time's up." "Jerk" "Liar."

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"Our next project is building a private shuttle to the moon." "Now if you make any mistakes, innocent tourists will perish in the vacuum of space." "We need to work on our rationalizations." "Is anyone really 'innocent'?"

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"My company wants me to design a private moon shuttle in three months. Doom is inevitable." "What you need is a scapegoat to blame for the project never getting finished. I'll send one over." "I was almost done, and then this idiot comes along."

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"Asok, I need an intern to test-pilot our new moon shuttle prototype." "Wouldn't it be wiser to send a monkey on the first flight?" "You're thinking of the second flight."

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"Don't worry, Asok. The prototype is perfectly safe." "I found you a co-pilot. He's a bit grim, but he works for free." "Hey, I wonder what this button does."

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"I am sad to report that Asok the intern died during a test of our moon shuttle prototype." "Before he left, he put a sample of his DNA in a jar. His plan is to reincarnate into his own clone." "Where's the jar with Asok's DNA?" "I needed a second candy jar."

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"Your prototype killed Asok. That means it is your job to clone him and hope he reincarnates into the clone." "Carol used his DNA container for a snack jar, so be careful." "Why do I feel nuts?" "You're part snickers bar."

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"I need a cost estimate on your project." "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." "That's too high." "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" "So you'll feel like you had input." "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

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"Asok died in a work-related accident. His disaster recovery plan was to reincarnate into his own clone." "You are his clone, but your DNA got mixed up with a snickers bar. You are doomed to walk the earth as half man, half snack." "Rrrrr" "Phew! It is lucky I studied guided reincarnation and advanced shape-shifting at the Indian Institute of Technology."