You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #selling, #failure, #winning: models, #product, #options

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "Our product comes with 27 moedels with over 9,000 options." Dilbert says, "Given my limited time to study the options, you have guaranteed that I will make a sub-optimal choice." Dilbert says, "Thanks for making me a failure." Asok says, Well it's not really "selling" if we both win."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #greed, #ceo, #retiring, #placeholder, #corpse, #podium

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "I'm stepping down as CEO because I already milked all of the cash out of the this dying cow." Dogbert says, "My replacement is a dried-up corpse. But don't worry; he's just a placeholder until a new CEO can be found." The Boss says, "The faint breeze is blowing away his head." Dogerbt says, "You should probably hurry."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2009's comic on:


Tags #avoidance, #noise, #concentration, #presentation, #laziness, #excuses

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "My cubicle is surrounded by loud idiots who make it impossible for me to concentrate on my work." The Boss says, "Did you create a presentation on why you couldn't do the presentation you're supposed to be doing?" Wally says, "Yes" The Boss says, "Wouldn't it have been just as easy to create the actual presentation?" Wally says, "I'm hoping to use this this one more than once."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2009's comic on:


Tags #facts, #thimble, #knowledge, #suggestion, #technology, #strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Here's the mountain of facts that support my recommended technology strategy." Dilbert says, "And here's a tiny thimble that holds everything you know about technology. Maybe you could?" Dilbert says, "Leaders don't like it when you suggest they wear the thimble of knowledge like a little hat."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #demon, #marketing, #confusion, #anger, #price, #customer

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Our new director of marketing is an angry demon of some sort." The Boss says, "He's in charge of making our prices impossible for customers to understand." Woman says, "What the #%!* kind of price is "it depends"? Asok says, "He makes me say these things."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2009's comic on:


Tags #cold-calling, #sales, #engineer, #threatening, #fire, #closing, #economy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Sales have been lagging" Dogbert says, "I want each of you to cold-call ten customers per day." Alice says, "We're engineers. We don't know how to sell." Dogbert says, "Just follow this script. It's guaranteed to close every sale." Dilbert says, "Hello. I'm calling on behalf of the police and firefighter's charity for unattractive youths." Dilbert says, "If you send us $500 we will send you a lovely piece of software as a thank you gift." Dilbert says, "Otherwisem when your house catches on fire, you might find yourself handcuffed to the refrigerator." Mom says, "Dilbert? Is that you?" Dilbert says, "Hi, mom. I'm in sales now."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #estimating, #mocking, #indifference, #ignorance, #budgets

View Transcript

Transcript

Ellen says, "I need a budget estimate for my project, but I don't have a scope or a design for it yet." Dilbert says, "Okay, my estimate is $3,583,729." Ellen says, "You don't know anything about my project." Dilbert says, "That makes two of us."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #technology, #changing, #competition, #submitting, #management, #delays

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "After eight months, senior management finally approved your project plan." Dilbert says, "It's too late. All of the technology has changed and our competitors have leapfrogged us." The Boss says, "Maybe you could write a new plan." Dilbert says, "Or we could get the same result by resubmitting this one."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #competitors, #stupiditiy, #catching-up, #calling out, #graph, #matching

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "If we work day and night, we can match our competitor's features within twelve months." Dilbert says, "Are we catching up to where they will be in a year, which is unknowable, or where they are now, which is stupid?" Wally says, "Well played." Alice says, "I got the next one."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #rude, #mockery, #faxing, #1995, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Can I send our requirements to your fax?" Dilbert says, "Absolutely." Dilbert says, "I'll just travel back in time to 1995, when faxing was a good way to handle this sort of thing." Man says, "You realize I'm your customer, right?" Dilbert says, "Until you spend all of your money on new fax machones."